Family is family, Will…and you have to admit, the lady is pretty open-minded for her age….

Thanks Invasive1, you’ve given me a whole new direction to focus in.

To be honest, I was finding it somewhat challenging to keep coming up with “new and innovative” greeting card ideas. It never even occured to me that I could just use my “old and innovative ideas” and combine them, thereby creating new ideas made from recycled verbiage that won’t end up being destructive to the environment!

I think it’s pretty clear that we’ve taught each other some valuable lessons today, I1. And now I can finally make use of all those stupid reusable bags I keep buying at the grocery store…

Wow…all I can say is that she’s sure come a long way. I still remember her from the “Are you There God? It’s me, Margaret…” days.

Boy, talk about naive!

“What religion am I? Why do I get a tingly feeling whenever I see a bunch of boys running around in short shorts? Why in the heck are these sanitary napkins attached to a freaking belt?”

On and on and on she went…I’m telling you, if you didn’t know better you’d think she’d been born in the 1930′s and didn’t start going to school until she was like eleven years-old or something.

Either that or she was a feral child.

Anyway, even though her book sounds like it might be a little “too coincidental” (except for the ham dust part…seriously, wtf?), it’s definitely got some brilliant underlying ideas. It’s good to see that she’s finally taking some risks with her writing. So no, even though I do appreciate your concern, Alan, I don’t see a real need for you to melonball ‘er at this time…unless you want to, that is?

Far be it from me to stop you from finally getting your money’s worth out of that useless tool!

(btw, I’m referring to Margaret, not the melonball ‘er)

“You really know how to hock a loogie . . . I can’t believe it’s not butter.”

“FYI, teabagging is not a “schtick” . . . I can’t hurry love.”

It was like a long literary drumroll, or brilliant editing ala yorksbeans. If you add the material from Scott Oglesby into the mix, you’ve got nothing short of a niche card Eden:

“Happy 30th!! That’s 30 whacks with a horse whip for me! . . . It’s not you, it’s your (horse) face.”

Bschooled has once again taken us all to the chalkboard, to teach some valuable lessons!

Bravo!!!!

A synopsis of her latest:

Moral Disorder is the story that traces the life of a horse faced character from her 1940s childhood through to the present day as a sexually-reassigned woman. The tale begins with a recently hocked loogie that a young teabagger falls in love with. It’s an unlikely romance – and that’s why it piddles out by page 5. (It really was going nowhere.) 25 pages of poetry later, we meet lead character, Deena Schtick, also a horse faced character – but one of substance and ham dust. She meanders about for a 100 pages or so until she meets Dirk at a Thanksgiving parade. Dirk is a porn loving pilgrim with a nonexistent thyroid problem. 200 pages of shit happens and then they start up a small greeting card company.

Like I said, something needs to be done about her. I, uh, have a melonballer. The old man leant it to me. Margaret lives down the road. I can see her from my window. She’s scaring the children even as we speak… I’m happy to melonball her if you’d like.

That’s what she said!!!*

(*by she I mean me…see reply to CLT’s comment for clarification)

Co-worker: Why are you always so sarcastic?
Bschooled: Because you want me to be that way.
Co-worker: Huh?
Bschooled: That’s what she said!

(it loses something in transcript form…the facial expressions and offensive hand gestures is what really makes this dialogue stand out)

And let me tell you, this “Friend*”: of yours sounds like quite the character….seriously, what’s with the all the quotations and that ridiculous symbol? Who does he think he is anyway…the artist formerly known as Prince who was formerly known as something else?

I wouldn’t bother wasting a card on him, CLT, nor would I waste the tank of gas needed for the time machine. Trust me, it’s not as cheap as it used to be.

Then again, I guess if you were back in time, you could get it for as cheap as it used to be…

Your call.