10 Things You Didn’t Know About Anne Murray
"This one's for you, Danny!"
1. My friends call me “An”
2. I live a gluten-free lifestyle
3. I’ve been told I have an infectious smile, and not in a good way
4. Performing is in my blood (along with platelets and various other blood-cells)
5. Sometimes I sing in a British accent just to “kick things up a notch”
6. Twitter changed my life. Before, I was forced to update my status on 8×11 index cards and hand them out individually
7. The inspiration for the hit “Danny’s song” actually came from another man, but I couldn’t pronounce “千香子” in English
8. I’m a self-diagnosed binge-reader
9. People say I look like Bea Arthur in this photo
10. A famous Entertainer-turned Preacher-turned star of his own Reality Show once told me that I was “Too Legit to Quit”…and look at me now!
OMG! Of course, because I’m in the midst of an illogical female (is that redundant) FIT caused by menopause and righteous anger and betrayal and ARRRRRGGG-kind of shit.. I can’t remember the name of that guy!
But i do believe it is a wonderful morphing of Anne (wtf! I had to scroll to the top of the page to see her name again!- more wine?) Murray and Bea Arthur. YOU ARE A GENIUS… How did you see that?
Ya know.. someone told me once that I have the ‘energy’ of Bea Arthur.. I felt vaguely insulted by that….
Is that Barry Bostwick? NO…. ? shit!!! I’ve been drinking but clearly not enough! It’s not Glen Campbell.. … it’s? He’s? whoever he is, he looks gay in that photo!
Delicate Flower absolutely hates to be wrong and she’s alot like Pandora and can’t stand to not know!!
tee hee!
Ha! Of course ‘illogical female’ is redundant, DF, it’s the only way we know how to be…
And yes, I would love some more wine. Thanks for asking.
I have never gotten a Bea Arthur vibe from you…Rue McClanahan, perhaps…but without the southern drawl and “priss factor” (is that a term? It’s hard to be sure this early in the morning)
Although I truly (in my heart of hearts) thought this was the illustrious Anne Murray herself, I realize that perhaps I was wrong. It has happened before (although not to me). Therefore, I will do some research and get back to you…
But first, I need to set up my PVR…Hollywood Squares is on tonight and it’s supposed to be a good one. That Whoopi Goldberg is one hilarious (illogical) woman!
If that’s Ann Murray … I think she looks more like John Davidson!
… Exactly like John Davidson! (Were they seaprated at bithe?)
Hey Bill!
That’s a very real possibility. I heard John Davidson was separated from a lot of things at birth…apparently that’s he was forced to up the “cheese” factor at such a young age.
He was trying to compensate for whatever it was he was missing.
Gosh, Anne has really aged well. She was always a handsome woman, in a “rockin’ that cable knit turtleneck” kind of way. It’s nice to see that she’s an even more handsome man now.
I have to say the thing I find most impressive about her is her use of the 8 X 11 index cards for status updates! That’s a big freakin’ update! She’s probably single-handedly responsible for Twitter only allowing 140 characters per moronic sound bite.
Good to see you RBG, I can tell by your striking Rorschach-like avatar that life has been treating you well…
You’re right about Anne. Not only does she age like a fine, somewhat effeminate-type wine, she really knows how to take her status to the next level.
In fact, before condensing her updates to fit the index cards, I heard she was using posterboard…and before that, just taking a can of spray paint to the side of the CN Tower.
Personally, I would think the grafitti updates would be the most logical (and least time consuming since you can attract more followers at any given time), but you know Anne…always evolving!
Thanks for stopping by, RBG,
Bschooled:)
Why do we keep showing celebs I dunno anything about?
The good thing about me not knowing anything related to Anne Murray is that it won’t make a difference, will it?
I apologize Ivan,
I will make sure that from now on I only refer to Brazilian mainstream celebrities, like “Kaka” or “Antonio Carlos Brasileiro de Almeida Jobim”…
(now was that impressive or what?)
Bschooled, who the hell is Kaka or Jobim??
I’m not sure, but I was told they were both from Brazil.
I thought you guys all knew each other?
you’ve left out some of the good stuff. what about her penchant for phone sex with hermaphrodite dwarfs?
You’re right, NM, I didn’t even think of that!
It probably slipped from my radar due to the fact that the conversations were so short and ambiguous…
You have just set your own bar too high. How are you ever going to top this?
I guess poor An hasn’t aged too well, maybe she should add a little gluten to her diet after all, and maybe subtract some testosterone. I mean, WTF is that thing? I wouldn’t fuck her with Bea Aurther’s dick. Then again I wouldn’t fuck Bea Arthur with Andy Dick’s p…..sorry, that was too irresistible.
Still, I have to give her mad props. She was a pioneer in the cocaine smuggling industry, paving the way for people like me to make a comfortable, work-free living. Her song Snowbird gave us two new nicknames in the trade; snow for blow, and bird for kilo. If only her partner George Jung didn’t fall so hard, I’m sure she would be living the life of her dreams on a private island in the Bahamas, up to her thick, chiseled neck in parachute pants and twitter followers.
I guess the stereotypes about women golfers are pretty accurate.
God forbid that women ever googles her own name. Fucking Brilliant B!!
Bea Arthur, and Andy Dick’s dick… classic one there.
Thanks DF, but I stole it from a comedy central roast of Pam Anderson.
Scott,
First of all, I want to thank-you for the stellar compliment. Coming from an “avant-garde” wit like yourself, I take that as high praise indeed.
Fortunately, due to my fear of heights, my bar has always been set at an extremely low-level (we’re talking under the pavement here). Therefore, I’m sure I will have no problem raising it, or at least “maintaining” (as Jenny Craig would say).
Yes, it’s pretty obvious that An is deficient in her daily testosterone requirements, as are most women who live in constant fear of losing their womanly curves. I always tell them “less weight, more reps!” but they don’t seem to listen, preferring instead to abstain from any sort of body-building activity whatsoever.
And once again you aree right (was there ever any question?), those women golfers are pretty stereotypical. Figures.
…God forbid if either her or Jamie Le Curtis ever Google their own name.
I’m proud that I know what ‘avant garde’ means. I knew watching Project runway would pay off for me someday!
I also try to keep my bar set pretty low. I’ve learned my lesson after one too many impromptu limbo contests that ended in wet tears and ligament tears.
I was a personal trainer in college so if An, Anne, or John needs any help tell them to contact me. I’m only willing to advice them online though; no personal contact whatsoever. I’ve learned my lesson after that Maria debacle.
Well, I’m off to finish my new E-book, “How to Quit Anything without Really Trying.”
Great Scott, I’ll let An/Anne/John know! (I decided to use the slashes that CLT was “saving for later”)
ps. I was actually the inspiration for that book, so if you have any questions give me a shout. (not that I’ll really try to answer them or anything, but still)
I wonder if John Davidson looks like Anne Murray?
When I was in grad school in the midwest, a fellow student asked me if my wife and I would like to go with him and his wife to Branson, Missouri for a long weekend, I said, “No fucking way!”
FJ!
Does this mean you’re back? For real this time?
I hope you’re not just messing with me, I’m “Emo” enough as it is this morning…(red-bull+caffeine pills+various other stimulants=not part of a balanced breakfast)
HA! Are you saying you gave up a once in a lifetime chance to see the infamous “Dalena Ditto Country Variety Show” live and in person? Next thing you’ll tell me is that you told a student to “screw himself” after he invited you to Big Pond, Cape Breton County (aka. home of “Rita and all of her Not-So-Talented Friends”)
So happy that you’re back, FJ!
ps. Who’s John Davidson?
Maybe John Davidson is Ann Murray … check out this link:
http://www.dancronin.com/Davidsonnew.jpg
HA!
First of all, Bill, you should warn me before I open something that’s so “in your face” like that…
Second of all, she sure looks good for her age…like Scott would say, “Boy, that Anne sure is a GILF!”
My point was … other than the one on top of my head … was that in that in your face” pic, Ann is claiming to be “John Davidson.” As for the whole GILF thing … all I see is an argument for celibacy … woof!
I went kicking and screaming to Branson…but came back a fan. Maybe it was the cult that indoctrinated me.
John Davidson! Thank you.. I was afeared that the menopause was really sapping ALL my intellectual skills….
Don’t worry, puberty did the same thing to me.
In fact, now I forget what it was like to actually have them….
Who’d a thunk John Davidson and Ann Murray were twins? John obviously was the one who knew how to choose the best foundation.
Hey YnB:),
Yes you are right, Mr. Davidson definitely knows his foundation…
In fact, he was the first man ever to receive a Pink Cadillac from Mary Kay, all thanks to his make-up expertise and “in-your-face” sales tactics.
Dearest most precious shining radiant glooming diamond eyebrow piercing, B
6. Twitter changed my life. Before, I was forced to update my status on 8×11 index cards and hand them out individually
This is quite possibly the best line ever written. Photos, poems, nor books will exemplify the magnitude of my jealousy and appreciation after reading this line.
Thank you. For realz.
Frankelstache
Dearester even more precious “Man Behind the Stache”,
Thank-you for your support. Since I covet your Frankel-isms more than Nana Miskouri covets her “peanut-butter and Nana sandwiches”, I am truly honored.
For serious.
Perhaps one day we can join forces in a “We Are The World” type event, and change lives with our thought-provoking idioms.
You don’t have to decide right now, but do give it some thought.
Thank you for thanking me. For genuinz.
Bschooled
Anne Murray… She’s my hero. Anne and I used to play tiddlywinks together – plus we’d have sex. She’d have it with her friends, and I’d have it with mine. It was an arrangement and it worked very well.
Your post reminded me of a quiz I took years ago called “Have You Taken The Anne Murray Quiz Today? And If Not – Why The Fuck Not??? Hmmm??? Come On, Answer Us!”
Anyway, I dug around and found it. I scored 7 out of 7, but, like I said, I know Anne rather well.
1. After recording “Honey, Wheat and Laughter” a furious Anne was heard saying “That carrot topped faggot ruined my album”* Was she referring to…
a) Herbie Hancock
b) Herbie Hancock’s brother “Rerun Hancock”
c) David Bowie
d) Some no name Canadian music producer
2. Nebulous or Fractal? Anne Murray sleeps in cowboy pajamas made of human skin.
3. Anne was born in…
a) An iron lung
b) Satanville, Nova Scotia
c) The Old Purple Tin
d) A snow bank
e) A Barn
f) A crossfire hurricane
g) The Eye Of A Hurricane
h) The Eye Of A Newt
4. Fill in the blank:
“Despot Murray was named the world’s best female celebrity golfer by Golf For Women magazine, sporting a ____ handicap”
5. Beaver or Not Beaver? Anne Murray once experimented with oral sex on Donald Mills.
6. Anne’s musical idol is…
a) Nik Fiend
b) Nikki Sixx
c) Nick Knox
d) Nick Cave
e) Nick Lachey
f) Nick Knack Paddywack
g) a & c
h) b, c, and d
i) all of the above with the exception of all of the above
7. True or Even Truer? Commercial folk zealot and self proclaimed “harridan of the east” Murray married Bill Langstroth on June 20, 1975 and gave birth to two demonic changelings that she has proclaimed will one day destroy mankind.
*NOTE: This quote may be attributed to Iggy Pop regarding the remix that Herbie Hancock did on his “Raw Power” LP. …I think it was Herbie. Maybe his brother… I’m not sure anymore…
That arrangement sounds ideal, Alan. I’d rather have sex with my own friends as well, especially since having sex with “your friends friends” means that you’d also be having sex with your friends friends friends, and so on and so forth…
Next thing you know, you’d be having sex with Kevin Bacon. (sick!)
And I’ll take your quiz Mister (Mister)!! But only because Mr. “Boss Man” took an extended lunch…(seriously, the guy thinks I have nothing better to do than be his ”Number-Crunching Bitch”)
1. After recording “Honey, Wheat and Laughter” a furious Anne was heard saying “That carrot topped faggot ruined my album”* Was she referring to…
d) Some no name Canadian music producer (aka. Mr. President’s Choice)
2. Nebulous or Fractal? Anne Murray sleeps in cowboy pajamas made of human skin.
Fractal with a hint of Nebulousness, just to “blur the lines” a little…
3. Anne was born in…
i) The eye of the tiger (or maybe that’s just where she’s watching us all from?)
4. Fill in the blank:
“Despot Murray was named the world’s best female celebrity golfer by Golf For Women magazine, sporting a “not really all that handy” handicap”
5. Beaver or Not Beaver? Anne Murray once experimented with oral sex on Donald Mills.
Beaver! That’s a nocturnal, large, semi-aquatic rodent if I ever saw one!
(old people are funny that way)
6. Anne’s musical idol is…
i) all of the above with the exception of all of the above (and the inclusion of Nick at Nite)
(btw, I thought “Paddywhack” was an Olivia-Newton John song?)
7. True or Even Truer? Commercial folk zealot and self proclaimed “harridan of the east” Murray married Bill Langstroth on June 20, 1975 and gave birth to two demonic changelings that she has proclaimed will one day destroy mankind.
So true it’s Truitt!
So….did I beat you? (I need at least a 7 1/2)
Good God B, what havoc have you bestowed upon mankind with your blatant disrespect of a bi-national (Canadian-American) treasure? [Sure she was born "up there", but since America has less gun control, we'll take half].
The moment I laid eyes on your grusome mockery, a snow storm started developing here in Connecticut, to the lilting soundtrack of “Snow Bird” and other pleasantly torturous Anne Murray songs.
Perhaps only in my head, sure; but still . . .
Take it back, B! In the words of her cousin Bill in “Ghost Busters”: “It could destroy us all.”
Hey . . . she really let herself go, huh?
Invasive1,
With all due respect, I think you have it all wrong. If anyone should be offended, it should be the talented and enigmatic* Mr.Davidson…
I mean seriously, who would want to be asociated with someone who binge-reads?
*this is a random “adjective-bomb”, which may or may not be relevant in regards to the actual context of the phrase in which it was used.
Interesting tidbits of trivia, Bschooled.
I’d comment on the fine Ms. Murray but I’m too damned upset about the asinine comment of Mr. Truitt’s. I thought I had put that rumor to sleep once and for all but apparently not.
For the record I will clarify one last time.
1) It was my brother, York, that was involved in this incident – not me.
2) The other party was not Anne Murray, it was Arthur Murray.
3) It was mueslix, not oral sex. And they both agreed it was not for them.
A fine post, Bschooled.
Your friend,
Don
Sorry Don,
But that’s not how your brother York remembers it. In fact, he sent over the letter from you telling him about it…
Dear Half wit of a brother,
How are you? Pah! Who the Hell cares? You’re a simpleton, that’s how you are! So, anything new? Damn it! That was a test. I don’t care. No one cares, York, you goddamned tittering idiot.
Onto more interesting subjects. Me. Ha, ha. You’re never gonna guess what I did yesterday. No, let me make that “who” I did. Canada’s country music sweetheart, that icon and 1998 inductee in Canada’s walk of fame – Anne Murray!
It was a a helluva thing how it happened…
I was in the park minding my own business and yelling at passing teens when she plunked herself down beside me on my bench. She started making small talk and told me she really admired my belligerence when it came to goddamned teens – and that she also thought I was a bit of a looker. A bit forward for the fine woman who gave us “Country Croonin” but I’ll admit it, I was… intrigued. Next thing I know she slides her hand onto my knee and asks me if I want to do a little “country crooning” of my own. Goddamn Anne Murray is making me horny as bat shit. But also nervous. It’s been a while since Aggie passed and I’m not looking for casual sex. Just some useless punk kids I can yell at. I say, “no thanks” but she keeps pressing and invites me out for a cup of coffee. I agree, damn it.
Now focus up and concentrate, York, you damned moron of a half wit, because this is where it gets a little hard to believe. Okay, I hop into her limo and the next thing I know we’re zipping through the suburban streets of Hog’s Hollow and she’s sizing me up and licking her lips and talking about the two us performing a horizontal duet. I’m starting to feel a little uneasy, and when she lights up a joint I recoil in horror, but she just says “lighten up pops.” Goddamned pot smoking Anne Murray! I’m thinking I need to get the hell out when we pull up to her Post Road mansion.
So I go in. She’s high as a goddamned kite and I’m telling her to call me a taxi. But she’s having none of it. She knocks back a shot of gin, slaps me on the ass and the next thing I know we’re in her bedroom. And it’s the size of my goddamned bungalow. She has a massive four poster bed and all around are these gold records (and probably cocaine, for all I know). She wastes no time and starts with the provocative dancing. I’m saying I just want to go home, but by now she’s naked.
*this next paragraph is illegible, although I can make out the phrases “We do it like rutting snowbirds” and “Oh Danny Boy, indeed!” and “we did the Can/con thing for three hours!” and “now I know why she’s a legend” and “a contorting, and I swear, talking vagina” and “wahoo!” and oral rama!”
…Anyway, I have to say, it was pretty great. But enough about me putting the blocks to Anne Murray, how are you? Pah! Who the Hell cares? You’re a simpleton, that’s how you are! So, anything new? You damned idiot – that was a test. I don’t care how you are. No one does, York, you goddamned tittering half wit.
Don
PS. See you on Thanksgiving Monday. Try and remember to cook the turkey this year, will you.
Ok, so now I don’t know what to think.
Here are some reasons why this letter could be legit:
-It definitely looks like Don’s typing
-he has been known to call York a “simpleton”
-he does say things like “goddamned tittering idiot”, “inductee”, “helluva”, “country crooning”, “horny as bat shit”, “damned moron”, “zipping”, “horizontal-duet” (if I had a nickel…), “goddamned kite”, “goddamned bungalow”, “Oh Danny Boy indeed” (in fact I think he coined the phrase), “vagina” (or is it vagima?), “oral rama”, “simpleton” (again), and “goddamned tittering half-wit”.
-he’s definitely no stranger to Hog’s Hollow
-he feels uneasy quite often (hence the care-giver)
-he always associates gold-records with cocaine (it’s all he knows)
-I could see someone telling him to “lighten up pops”
-he knows that York isn’t one for “remembering” things
However, here are some reasons why I find it hard to believe:
-he rarely uses words like “sweetheart” or “pretty great”
-he’s never been one to turn down a provocative dance (he’s too polite)
-his typing is always extremely legible
-his letters usually end with an “All the best” or some other equally-respectable closing salutation
Since Don himself probably won’t remember, the only way we can find out if he actually wrote this letter is by bringing in the professionals. Therefore, I left messages with both Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd’s agents, in the hopes that they’ll once again join forces (ignoring their their differences in life-style, humour and amusement) to get to the bottom of this.
I’ll let you know when I hear anything.
Don,
First of all, I just want to make sure you didn’t take offense to anything I wrote. When I said that old people were funny, I didn’t mean it in the “haha!” sense of the word, I meant it in the strange, offbeat, creature-of-habit type way.
I just know how easily comments can be misconstrued, and the thought of you being upset over a simple misunderstanding would be too much for me to bear. Yours is the first bandwagon I’ve ever hopped on, and to be honest I’d like to keep it that way.
I must say that I’m a little worried about this whole Mueslix business. I mean, oral sex is one thing, but toasted whole grains with raisins, dates, and almonds? That’s just sick!
I guess we now know how York’s “friend” got the nickname Arthur “Twinkle-Toes” Murray…
Anyway, Don, I hope you’ve cooled your heels a little by now (remember what I told you about the mary-jane), and I’m sure there’s a simple explanation as to why Mr. Truitt thought it was you and not York. Who knows, maybe I’ll get some answers after reading the rest of these comments. (fingers crossed!)
Either way, Don, just remember…no matter what, you will always be my favorite twinkle-toe. (over the age of cognizance)
Your cyber care-giver,
Bschooled
Ah, bschooled. Fine quasi-bio of John/Anne/An. I’m not sure where to begin after the fine posts, fine comments and of course, John/Anne/An’s servicing of Don “Puppy” Mills during what I would assume to be his more youthful days.
I misread “rutting snowbirds” as “rutting snowboards” the first time around and I prefer it the way I misread it. Nothing personal, Alan.
Anyway, enough about fucking other dogs’ blogs.
Anne (I’m going to shorten it now as I may need the slash key for later) reminds me very much of my other “weekend dad,” who vanished suddenly when I was about 8 and returned sometime around age 10 with a Swedish accent and hell of a lot of makeup.
We no longer called him “weekend dad.” In fact, both sides of the family made sure we didn’t call him at all. And they made sure never to call him “him” again, either.
It was a great childhood filled with faux pas and grief counseling. Heads up to Don Mills: you may have been post-operated on, if you get my drift.
But this is neither here nor there. The real point of this comment is that this was another in a long string of kick-ass posts, each one somewhat more kick-ass than the last.
Keep up the good work, bschooled. I would wager you’ll have a kid in camp before the next new moon, in accordance with the prophecy. (Note: internment camps and boot camps still count, so maybe get ahold of a foster child…)
I have to agree, the term “rutting snowboards” does give Alan’s witty repertoire a whole new level of “je ne sais quoi”…(sorry, I don’t know how to say it in English)
I must say that I do love hearing the tales about your plethora of weekend dads, CLT, each one more enigmatic than the last. I can just imagine what it must have been like growing up. Your household must have been like a revolving door of extremely awkward “After-School Specials” that were just a few years ahead of their time.
I swear, it’s times like those when I wish I could have been a fly on the wall…no, make it a chameleon instead (I don’t know why, but I have an innate fear of being “swatted to death”-counseling helps)
Anyway, thank-you for the props, CLT. Since you are one of those rare lion-tamers who make aspiring lion-tamers want to be better lion-tamers, I consider it high praise indeed.
ps. As for the camp-kid, I already ordered one and it should be arriving shortly via Grizzly Adams. And get this, he even comes with his own Biovouac Sack!
What a steal!
Congratulations on your stolen child, bschooled! I’m sure little “BS” (for Biv. Sack) will make you proud, what with his glorious atonal singing and backhair.
The dads things is truly a thing of episodic melodrama and easily-summed up life lessons. Most of my experiences with “weekend” dads lasted 30-60 minutes and I’d like to think we were all better people by the end of it.
I’m glad I can serve as an inspiration. Lion-taming, like farming is going the way of the disco. Too many young kids are leaving college and their respective communities to find jobs that aren’t labelled “dead-end” or “for masochists only.” Not long ago you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting an over-aggressive lion tamer. The times they are/were a-changing as Bob Dylan famously said, years ago.
Thanks for the props on the rebound, bschooled. Always a blast checking out your threads.
Perhaps you’re right, my Dear B, but the truth remains hours and hours after my original reply:
It’s still snowing in Connecticut, and now I have to take that damn “Snow Bird” song in my head to bed with me, where it will no doubt morph into a hideous stew of babbling songs and hilarious replies to your blog, setting a nasty soundtrack for yet another bad dream that sends me out into an October snow drift just after the midnight hour, barefoot and disorientated (like always), breathing deep, beathing deep, pop the capsule, pop the capsule, all righty-then.
And I can’t even get STARTED on Scott Oglesby’s mention of my old friend Boston George, who was sending letters from Fort Dix up to a few years ago, but now his delusional self is tucked away in the infirmary, hearing Anne Murray songs through scattered brain cells.
Well negative serendipity doo da: The caps are coming out, B. It’s time to face my snowy demons, and leave you good people alone.
P.S. I can only pray Don steps lightly near alantru tonight; cuz dat doggy has some bite!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Invasive1, you definitely have a way with verbiage. In fact if I were intoxicated right now (which I’m not, since I make it a rule never to break out the flask until “that Bitch from Accounts-Payable” gets in) I might actually mistake this comment for a poem.
You know, like a free-verse or something…or is it a limerick? (to be honest I’m not really a poem-expert, especially when I’m getting my drink on).
By the way, I do hope you took those violent snowy demons of yours “to school”.
I think you and I both know that the only way they’re ever going to make anything of themselves, is by earning a degree and acquiring employable-skills they can fall back on if the whole demon plan doesn’t work out.
TTYL, “that bitch” just showed up…
lol! No. 6 almost did me in! John Davidson has never looked so Anne Murrayish! Or is that vice versa?
And I learned something else about her – that she is Anne with an “e” – I never knew that!
See? You can learn something new every single day – no guarantees it will improve your life, but it’s still learning
Hey Talon!
Thank-you for the great comment. I’m so glad that you learned an invaluable lesson via my informative, epiphany-inducing blog.
To be honest, my main goal in life has always been to break-down borders and eliminate stereotypes. However, the main difference between me and those other “volunteers dedicating their lives to the betterment of mankind”, is that instead of doing it in person, I do it from the comfort of my own office. I guess I just find it less stressful that way.
Call me crazy, call me Cyber-Altruistic, call me whatever…we’ll see who’s calling the names a few hundred years from now.
Always nice to see you, Talon,
b:)
As a kid who grew up on “Real People” and “That’s Incredible” I can say with certainty that the picture in question is John Davidson. Anne Murray looks more like Julie Andrews.
…or does Julie Andrews look more like John Davidson?
That is the million dollar question…
Or does…
John Andrews look more like Julie Davidson?
Or…
Andrew Jules look more like David Johnson?
Or maybe…
Jules Andrews look more like David Johnson?
The again, it could be that…
David Andrews look more like Julie Johnson
Or does…
Andrew David look more like John Juleson?
The variations are limitless (in a limiting sort of way). Just have casual sex and fun! Wait, where the hell am I going here?
Alan I had a perfect Merkin post and you missed it. Don’t bother commenting now…it’s lost it’s flavor. er uh I mean timeliness.
I thought Merkins were like a fine wine? Or cheddar?
bschooled, the wine you’re thinking of is called, I believe, a Mormon. The cheese: A Buddha. Hence the expression “A Mormon and Buddha Party.”
Bearman… Sorry I missed the merkin. I’m always aching for a merkin. An achy breaky merkin. They’re the best. Oh, and a merkin on bacon is not only god forsaken, it makes me want to peel the skin back and plunge the steak in. (I know, I know, I’m always saying that – but only because it’s true…)
But, if you’re referring to your Marge Simpson porn (which is excellent by the way) well, that merkin looks more like a dildo – and that’s why I missed out on workin’ the merkin chat. So, please accept my apologies. But that was how I saw it… Or like to imagine how I saw it… My point is that Marge is doable. Okay, where the hell am I going with this…? Let me reread what I wrote here…
Alan rereads. Sighs both dolefully and balefully.
Yeah, I’m comfotable with it. I’m just not my spelling of comfortable. I’ll work on that.
Well, Alan, last time we talked, you said you were going to (quote) “get my hair did”…
(Personally I liked it the way it was…but then again, I’m not the one who always has to groom it)
So are you telling me that-
a) John Jules Julie Andrew David Johnson Davidson is really one person?
or that
b) I can have casual sex and fun at the same time?
or that
c) you’re lost?
Be straight with me, Alan…these are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night.
Who me?
Oh, I’ll say anything. If you look above, you’ll see I recently slayed everyone with the pithy quote “I’m just not my spelling of comfortable. I’ll work on that.”
Clearly, I really need to work on that.
I’m on it.
Hi, bschooled!
So… As to the answers to your questions. Well, hopefully, I can be a bit more clear on that front.
Is John Jules Julie Andrew David Johnson Davidson really one person?
I guess whether one deems it canonical or apocryphal depends on how much Mormon they’ve drank and if they have a stomach filled with Buddha.
Can you have casual sex and fun at the same time?
Yes. But remember to bring a bathing cap, an errant gypsy, a proselytizing buffoon, six crates of red peppers and enough quesadillas for the gang.
Am I lost?
Oh Christ, yeah. I mean, what the fuck am I saying here? A proselytizing buffoon??? Canonical or apocryphal??? Jesus Cripes, why don’t I just find the big book of pretentious sophistry (sophistry???) and dive right in.
My point is… When all else fails, making fart noises is still funny.
Send a bill anytime, B! You are the perfect therapist for a lost boy out in October snow, howling like Ginsberg after a night in the Village. And a liquory cat fight to boot! Damn, that’s hot . . . you’ve inspired me to start spiking this cup a’ instant with gratuitous Bailey’s.
So I finally get a chance to visit and I’m confronted with total confusion… Not being let out of the asylum much, I had no idea who that smiley man was, nor how he could possibly be related to Anne Murray.
The most I can offer, therefore, is to thank you for reminding me I need more teeth whitener. Fast.
(p.s. I have boobees for viewing on my latest blog post. Just saying.)
Yeah, he definitely does have a great set of pearly whites…
Say no more, April! I’m on my way…
MMMMM I was hoping for her exciting unreleased sorority pictures…dam i feeled robbed again..zman sends
HAHA!
I promise you, Zman, the second those bad boys surface on the net, I’ll post them.
Just for you.
B school
I never knew Anne Murray had such a striking resemblance to John Davidson….I always thought Anne Murray taught Arthur Murray how to dance…and I think she is a big fan of Eddie Murray the baseball player…I once had a guniea pig named Murray isnt that a weird coincidence….When will you be posting the likes and dislikes of Murray the cop from The Odd Couple…….Auntie D has a book about the life and times of Bill Murray..have to get you a copy…he he Zman sends
Zman, your comment both entertained and amazed me…the fact that you were able to go from Anne to Eddie to guinea pigs to the Odd Couple and then cap it all off with a shout out to Bill Murray (and all in one paragraph), shows just how brilliant you are.
Now all we need to do is to take that brilliant mind of yours and focus it on something other than the sports channel…
Yes, please do work on that spelling of yours, Alan. It’s atroshus.
Here’s a Spelling Book that might help- http://www.runamorphosis.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/mommywood.jpg
(Just skip past the chapter on labour, I think you’ll find it somewhat irrelevant)
Alan says: “Hahahaha!”
Mary Jo Eustace says: “Agghhh! I’ll kill the bitch!”
Humour really is subjective, isn’t it?
Yes, it’s prbably a good idea to start by learning where to correctly place the pithy quote words, then work on the spelling. At least that’s how do it I always…
“HA! Gotcha!”
(That was pretty hilarious if I do say so myself…)
Bathing cap……………………………….$3
Errant gypsy……………………………$50-75 per hour
Proselytizing buffoon and six crates of red peppers……….depends on the season
Seeing the gang’s face after surprising them with a platter of Taco Time’s Supreme Quesadillas?………….Priceless!
My point is…when all else fails, “Yo Momma” jokes are still funny.
She’s a moody bitch if you ask me…
Such Language…..thought you were a proper young girl
You’re right Zman, I should have said “temperamental bitch”.