Skillet, I want you to know that you’ll always feel welcome at my massive and emerging form of nice individuals. Really, you’re the reason this form of nice individuals have become so massive and emergent. Because let’s face it; if it weren’t for you, our fish fillets would be grossly undercooked, and that would turn us all into mean and emaciated individuals.

Alan is right, it really isn’t any of your business whether his exclamation marks are just a literary crutch. As long as he can get from point A to point B, that’s all that matters. He’s also right about the something something heathens, but since I haven’t had a chance to Google how right he is, for now we’ll just have to trust him on that one. And then quote him on it. Only without really quoting him on it, you know? Sorry, of course you would know. You’re a freaking skillet for Ali Baba’s sake!

I will teach you some new things tomorrow, but today I want you to go to the Doctor and get those affiliate marketing bug bites checked out. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up giving you a rabies shot. Not to sound rude or anything, but they really do look repulsive.

Now for Tom Cruise/John Tesh’s sake, pass the cheese. And the non-stick cooking spray.

My name is Person too, but you can call per – for short. Like you I am excited and ecstatic, only I tend to make this point by using frequent exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it a literary crutch? Well, that’s not really any of your business, so can we please move on? Anyway, what makes me really excited and ecstatic is knowing that one day I may learn how to golf. I mean internet promotion and marketing and God is all fine and dandy for someone who is an eyesore – or has sore eyes – but I want to don the fashions of the links. Did you know that golf has had an important and noble impact on men’s dressing habits? I sure didn’t until I just made that up. There are some heathens who might say that the sartorial and loud plaids and shocking primary colors came to epitomize the questionable fashion sense of many duffers. But not me. Even though I just said it. But I didn’t. And you can quote me on that. But don’t. I am continually contradicting myself and open on Sundays. Praise Buddha and pass the cheese.

First of all, I have to say I’m so glad you eventually found my site as well. I was kind of worried, especially since the directions I gave you weren’t all that clear (When I said turn right at the second set of cyberlights, I meant my right, not yours), but it doesn’t matter now, because you’re here! Or should I say “you’re hear!” (Ha! Get it? Hear? Just a little ‘earache home remedy’ humor for you.)

I have to be honest, Alan isn’t giving himself enough credit. He may be 163 years old, but he doesn’t look a day over 139. And he’s more like 60/40 man/goat.

When you talk to your half-goat half-lady friends about him, tell them that it’s only his lower half that’s goat-like. Oh, and try to casually bring up the fact that he makes his own cheese. (Trust me, lady goats love that kind of shit).

And even though Alan can’t vouch for the flavor of the vomit, I can. And I have to say it tastes exactly how vomit should taste. Vomity. And kind of like an amalgamation of all the foods you’ve eaten in the past day that didn’t have a chance to digest.

Granted, it’s not for everyone, but I like it.

Anyway, I just want to thank-you for what you said about my site. Although I have no doubt in my mind that there iz even more coolest sites out there in dis blogosphere, I can’t help but feel flattered. And honored. And extremely deserving of your praise.

Hope to “hear” (Ha!) from you again, AppenfuP, and I hope you figure out bout how accurate the info given there is, cauze I really hate to know that people are out there suffering. Especially people like you, who have been looking for my site forever!

Your new friend,
Bschooled

Your comment is the coolest comment I have EVER read. I’ve been searching wildly and in vain (wildly and in vain AppepefuP! Do you hear me?) For a comment of this magnitude and viscosity for more than a platypus’s eon. But enough about that. Here’s more about me.

I am 163 years old and live in a cave. I’m half man/half goat. I eat bachelors for breakfast and my favorite TV show is The Bachelorette. It’s really a slice of heaven. Or pizza. Both can be fun! Right?

I’m also the sort of half man/half goat who likes to meet half women/half goat friends. Do you have any? I’ll need names and phone numbers AppepefuP! – do you hear me? Names and phone numbers!

Right now, regrettably I’m having a massive groin maul. Oh sure, it sounds fun, but without a merkin it just doesn’t work. You know what I’m saying? I tried using a jerkin, but really, who do I think I am? Thomas More – Renaissance English writer and Catholic martyr? Well, maybe I do. But I don’t see how that’s any of your business. Anyway, I’m utilizing the internet as the exclusive way to cure it. I stumbled upon a very brilliant web-site that discusses an interesting groin maul remedy – and some real tasty vomit recipes. You should check it out. http://www.soimmature.com/sub_pages/all_thumb_subs/page_mega_vomit.html

I’m not entirely clear about how tasty eating vomit is. I’ll leave that to you decide. Let me know, pal! Can I call you, pal? AppepefuP is so hard to spell! Great. Thank you for letting me call you pal. It’s great to be pals. Don’t forget to send me the half women/half goat phone numbers and names. Thanks pal. You’re the bestest.