First of all, I have to say I’m so glad you eventually found my site as well. I was kind of worried, especially since the directions I gave you weren’t all that clear (When I said turn right at the second set of cyberlights, I meant my right, not yours), but it doesn’t matter now, because you’re here! Or should I say “you’re hear!” (Ha! Get it? Hear? Just a little ‘earache home remedy’ humor for you.)

I have to be honest, Alan isn’t giving himself enough credit. He may be 163 years old, but he doesn’t look a day over 139. And he’s more like 60/40 man/goat.

When you talk to your half-goat half-lady friends about him, tell them that it’s only his lower half that’s goat-like. Oh, and try to casually bring up the fact that he makes his own cheese. (Trust me, lady goats love that kind of shit).

And even though Alan can’t vouch for the flavor of the vomit, I can. And I have to say it tastes exactly how vomit should taste. Vomity. And kind of like an amalgamation of all the foods you’ve eaten in the past day that didn’t have a chance to digest.

Granted, it’s not for everyone, but I like it.

Anyway, I just want to thank-you for what you said about my site. Although I have no doubt in my mind that there iz even more coolest sites out there in dis blogosphere, I can’t help but feel flattered. And honored. And extremely deserving of your praise.

Hope to “hear” (Ha!) from you again, AppenfuP, and I hope you figure out bout how accurate the info given there is, cauze I really hate to know that people are out there suffering. Especially people like you, who have been looking for my site forever!

Your new friend,
Bschooled

Your comment is the coolest comment I have EVER read. I’ve been searching wildly and in vain (wildly and in vain AppepefuP! Do you hear me?) For a comment of this magnitude and viscosity for more than a platypus’s eon. But enough about that. Here’s more about me.

I am 163 years old and live in a cave. I’m half man/half goat. I eat bachelors for breakfast and my favorite TV show is The Bachelorette. It’s really a slice of heaven. Or pizza. Both can be fun! Right?

I’m also the sort of half man/half goat who likes to meet half women/half goat friends. Do you have any? I’ll need names and phone numbers AppepefuP! – do you hear me? Names and phone numbers!

Right now, regrettably I’m having a massive groin maul. Oh sure, it sounds fun, but without a merkin it just doesn’t work. You know what I’m saying? I tried using a jerkin, but really, who do I think I am? Thomas More – Renaissance English writer and Catholic martyr? Well, maybe I do. But I don’t see how that’s any of your business. Anyway, I’m utilizing the internet as the exclusive way to cure it. I stumbled upon a very brilliant web-site that discusses an interesting groin maul remedy – and some real tasty vomit recipes. You should check it out. http://www.soimmature.com/sub_pages/all_thumb_subs/page_mega_vomit.html

I’m not entirely clear about how tasty eating vomit is. I’ll leave that to you decide. Let me know, pal! Can I call you, pal? AppepefuP is so hard to spell! Great. Thank you for letting me call you pal. It’s great to be pals. Don’t forget to send me the half women/half goat phone numbers and names. Thanks pal. You’re the bestest.

I am 24 years old and doing my bachelors at Brown.

I’m the sort of man who likes to seek brand-new stuff. Right now regrettably I’m having massive earache and I’m utilizing the net as the exclusive way to cure it. I stumbled upon a very brilliant web-ste that discusses an interesting earache home remedy. The web site explains all the steps required to healing it.

I’m not entirely clear bout how accurate the info given there is. If some people over here who have experience with this stuff can have a peak and give your feedback in the thread it will be good and I’d extremely appreciate it, cauze I’m really suffering right now.

Thank you for checking it. You guys are great.

It’s good to hear from you, FS. In a good way.

To be honest, when I wrote about Jay Snell, I was actually thinking about you the whole time. I guess you could call it “a cry for you to cry for help” scenario.

I’m sorry to hear the grizzly details about your effeminate youth, FS. But remember…everything happens for a reason. Take your fat, gay, hairy history teacher for example. Had you implemented your love with her/him/it?, you may have ended up with a third-sex child, one that possessed exactly one-half of those aforementioned traits. And a moustache.

Although safe to say he/she/it would have a kick-ass vocabulary…

Regardless, you don’t need to confess to me. Although I may seem God-like in appearance (thanks to my now-perfect dental work), really, I’m not. The truth is, I have an unsightly mole on my left leg.

And a third nipple.

Thank-you for sharing, FS. Your courage is meritorious.

Your Alpha and Omega,

Bschooled

As you may or may not know, It is, in fact, tremendously difficult being a Teen-Age Girl. But I never made my confessions! so now, with massive amounts of gratitude I’d like to get on with it, if I may:

I remember High-School as one of the toughest periods (pun intended) of my life. Fighting my sexuality, I chose to wear baggy clothes and listen to acid rock. My mother’s boyfriend cheated on me and my dog got testicular cancer. To top it off, the only boy who wanted to go to prom with me was underdeveloped (I suspect he was a Preterm birth) and I couldn’t get him to impregnate me no matter how hard I tried. I also had a crush on my overweight and overwhelmingly hairy History teacher that turned out later to be gay. We never implemented our love.

For that, I am sorry and hope to be forgiven.

Thank you again for allowing me to confess,
Frankelstache

I swear Will, if we put our heads together, we could make Mother Goose look like a no-talent hack…

I swear Will, if we put our heads together, we could make Robert Frost look like a no-talent hack…