Billboard’s Greatest Hits – Part III

Good stuff all around, bschooled. Truly a collection worth 1 penny per album for the first 5 albums and then $18.99 + $7.50 shipping/mishandling thereafter.

Let’s break it down, patented CLT-list style: (patent pending and currently being violated elsewhere by Scott, Alan, FJ and our host, bschooled. And by “violated” I mean turned out like the “town pump,” if you’re picking up what I’m laying down.)

1. The Louvin Brothers had several disagreements during the recording of their magum opus. There was a lot of discussion as to whether or not “country” had a “o.” Brother A pointed out that it did, to which Bro. B replied, “Well, just because there’s an ‘o’ in ours doesn’t mean it needs to go everywhere.” They reached a compromise by placing an ‘o’ in country and a ‘u’ in Louvin, thus sparing their immediately family and extremely close relatives the embarrassment of bringing home an obscene album jacket that implied that their favorite brothers were actually each other’s favorites. Repeatedly.

2. Historians and musiconomists worldwide have yet to answer the question as to which of the antagonistic people on the album cover is actually Carroll. Some have speculated that the photo would indicate that it was taken back in the day when people named their sons “Carroll” in hopes that they would beat the fuck out of non-Baptists.

Others believe that the grouchy “bitch” next to the man is Carroll, based mainly on Ted Levine’s (of Upper Midwest Music Reviewer) theory that he knows one bitch named Carroll and therefore, all bitchy women are named Carroll.

Still others speculate that one of the children in the background is Carroll and would be able to narrow this down for sure if the picture detail would allow them to search for visible bruises.

3. Jay Morse was never one to let his lack of vocal chords stand in the way of his music career. Fortunately, he was able to tap out his powerful ballads and other whiny emo crap using the Code after which he was named.

4. Yes, Cody. You may. Here’s “inadequate,” “like shit,” “nauseous,” “like I got rode hard and put away wet,” and “ugly.”

5. Joe Newman simulataneously answers two of the questions that have furrowed our collective brows since the beginning of time:
- How many black men are there in Sweden?
- Where all the white women at?

Thanks for the scintillating collection, bschooled. And a round of applause for your unmoderated comment thread, which allows me (and many others) to abuse it with such regularity and at such length.