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Denim
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Cotton
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Lycra
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Plastic
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Leather
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Sometimes I make friends on the internet. But mostly not.
Just Making Friends
Convo Re: Convo
 | elizabeth3hersh on Lonely Planet, indeed. |
 | Nikki B on Lonely Planet, indeed. |
 | bschooled on Lonely Planet, indeed. |
 | robyn on Lonely Planet, indeed. |
| bschooled on Lonely Planet, indeed. |
Hold on . . . deep breath . . . whew.
Sorry, Bschooled. I’m just trying to get over the “Leather” picture. I’m also trying to keep a pasta dinner down, right about where her bikini top has descended. I’ve never actually seen the prolonged effects of “negative SPF” lotion before, or maybe she just went straight for the Canola Oil. The difference between a blonde “bomb shell” and a blonde “bomber jacket” is so very fine, indeed.
I see that a few Asian companies finally tweeked their shaving toys, after going a bit too far with the “Lycra Shave the Adult” prototypes. I wonder if they came with talking genitals, and that gentleman is listening to, “Can you shave me now?”
Meanwhile, Chuck proudly displays exactly why he has such a high voice, and the guy in the background of “Cotton” is priceless, expressing my thoughts exactly. Thanks for the mammaries . . . he can probably catch them later “on the pole”.
Always entertaining, Bschooled; always on your “A game”. Thanks and enjoy this full moon night, and please don’t tell me you had a thing for Chuck; Bruce Lee kicked him silly in a motel hallway during the filming of “Enter the Dragon”. Lover’s quarrel? We’ll never know! Bruce had a thing for American blondes, and Chuck, well . . . HIGH voice!
Ha!
Yes, the only thing separating a bombshell from a bomber jacket is a few hundred thousand hours in the sun. Then again, the only thing separating a bomber jacket from a bombshell is a case of PBR. Or so I heard.
Sadly I never had a thing for Chuck, the two Coreys took up most of my time back in the day. (Especially Feldman, although looking back that’s probably why Haim turned out the way he did…he felt neglected.) But I do appreciate a good pair of jeans with legs that don’t bind. I mean seriously, who doesn’t?
Always good to hear from you, Invasive1,
Bschooled:)
ps. Thanks to you, “Can you shave me now” is going to be in my head all morning…
The touch…the feel of cotton!!
I want one of those headrests. Where can they be purchased.
Was baby born of wolves. What kid has that much hair? I prefer the shave grandpa doll. Ear hair, back hair and ass hair and all are included.
You’re in luck Bearman! I ordered you one of those headrests for Christmas.
I thought it would be something you could use while you’re lying in front of the fire after dinner, letting your food digest while admiring your picture of Marge Simpson hanging on the mantelpiece.
You know, that period of time right before you head off to the master bathroom to take care of your “grandpa doll parts.”
Don’t thank me, it’s the least I could do.
Ok…I won’t thank you
Creepy, I was just on your blog…
We must be telepathic….or is it telekinetic?
It’s tele-something…
Wow, quite the selection here today.
All I know is: Finally! I can shave the baby!
Everyone told me to wait until 6 months or a year before his/her first haircut. I thought, “By that time, he/she will be like an orangutan rug, and twice as odorous.”
But I held off. One, I didn’t want to disappoint the grandparents and other unwelcomes advisors by trimming off the magnificent orange growth before the proper time. Two, I didn’t have explicit permission in two languages or any of the proper tools.
I have been to the Mall and back and no one sells any sort of “baby-shaving” device. I even talked to that guy with the windowless van. No dice.
But now that this product has hit the market, everyone will plainly be able to see that not only is it “ok” to shave the baby, but it’s actually encouraged! I’m getting everyone who ever gave me unsolicited child-raising advice one of those. And I’m sending them C.O.D. with no return address. Just a card that says: “Thanks for the unwanted device. Please take the enclosed gift and place it on your mantel. Whenever you feel like telling someone else how to raise their kids, look deep into its unshaven eyes and SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
Thanks, bschooled. Wonderful stuff. The doll won’t stop staring at me.
CLT, Somehow you always manage to zone in on the one “wtf” that I find the most “wtf-iveness” of all.
Now I can shave the baby indeed! When I was young, I had to settle for cutting the hair off my barbie dolls until they looked much like the non-descript unisexuals in this post http://justmakingconvo.com/2009/09/13/auntie-ds-bookmobile-5/ (FYI, the book is still available for purchase in case you’re interested). but nowadays, not only can you cut dolls hiar, you can now take a Gillette to their privates and keep their skin looking smooth as…well, a baby, I guess.
Next year they plan to follow up this cash cow with “You Can Impregnate The Baby” and “You Can Give The Baby A New Set Of Tits.” (girl babies only)
Thanks for coming by, CLT. As always, your stellar comments kick my comedic ass. In a good way.
Okay the lycra freaked me out for a second (and, yes, I am due for an eye exam – lol).
You know how they say people resemble their pets? I wonder if leather lady owns a Shar Pei….
Ha ha! I have a feeling she might own an elephant…
You’re lucky, Talon, lycra freaked me out for a good six hours.:)
Geez, has Donatella let herself go :( .
Does Lycra come in men’s?????
I hope those Chuck jeans aren’t starched, hard to walk on one leg but damn good for striking a pose!
What’s Gramps doing with his cotton picking hand?
That’s the worst part, frigginloon, “Lycra” already is in men’s! (They were made in Thailand.)
Oh dear lord, I should have guessed!
I want that babyshave doll!!!!
Haha! I ordered a bunch of them in bulk NM, so I’ll send you one.
…if I don’t get too excited and shave them all myself, that is!
Your favorite things are always a thing of beauty. Beauty and art. Well, Beauty, art, and fabrics. Plus some plastic!
As tempting as it is to go off on a Chuck Norris joke tangent, I will restrain myself. For all of the jokes about how tough he is though, why are there no jokes about his steel ball-bearings. So….
-The four horsemen of the apocalypse are actually Chuck’s nuts.
-When the boogeyman goes to sleep he checks his closet for Chuck’s nuts.
-There isn’t an asshole behind Chuck’s nuts, only more steel nuts.
-Chuck is suing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are the trademarked names for his right and left nut…..- Ok….I’m done.
In ‘Cotton’ I’m not sure if the old man has had a stroke, or is currently having a stroke.
For ‘Lycra’ I only have two questions; What is lycra, and what the hell is wrong with Japanese?? First they want to do all this crazy bondage shit and then they want to be all ‘peaceful sleeping baby on mommy’s lap.’ After mommy has been hacked in two my an outrageous bondage device.
Again, what the fuck is wrong with the Japanese? Seriously????
Look, even the kid is trying not to puke. Although I’d love to get ahold of that lady’s carcass after she dies. I have a bunch of pimp friends always looking for new gator gear.
I’m dying right now, Scott.
“Chuck’s Nuts-isms” made me giggle like a frigid schoolgirl experiencing my first heavy-petting session, and by the time I got to “even the kid is trying not to puke”, I literally almost fell over (although truth be told, that may also have something to do with the vertigo). I don’t even want to tell you what I did when I started reading your second comment….
Ahh…good times. Messy times, but good ones nonetheless.
But seriously folks, Chuck’s nuts are so tough the Glad Garbage guy pisses himself everytime “Walker Texas Ranger” is on!
HA!!!
!!
!
?
(Sorry, it’s early…my “Chuck’s Nuts-isms” aren’t quite up to par yet. give me a red bull and a couple of hours)
You are truly hilarity-squared, Scott. Truly hilarity-squared.*
(*Repeating nonsensical phrases adds emphasis, thereby distracting from the nonsensical-ness of said phrase)
For some reason I just can’t seem to picture you as a frigid schoolgirl. The giggling for sure, frigid…. not so much.
Anyway I just HAD to tell you that I just read an interview that Snoop Dog gave saying that after uttering that famous phrase “Deez Nuts” in The Chronic, Chuck’s nuts came over and kicked his nuts ass(?) and then said, “Your nuts just got knocked the fuck out.” –I think I need rehab from Chuck’s nuts, I really do.
Believe it Scott. I was a total prude…well, at least until grade 4 when I went all the way to third base with Jason Rigsby.
But trust me, from kindergarten to grade 3 I was definitely a tight-ass.
To be honest, I think I may actually be in love with Chuck’s nuts. It scares me, Scott…it scares me something fierce.
- Chuck’s nuts are what Willis was talking about.
- If Chuck’s nuts are late, time better slow the fuck down.
- The Dark is afraid of Chuck’s nuts.
- Chuck’s nuts can touch MC Hammer.
- Ironically, Chuck’s nuts hidden talents are invisibility and cloaking.
Ok, I swear to Chuck’s nuts that I’m done.
I think I need to claw out my eyes from that pic of the wrinkled sow.
Hey G,
Might I suggest a melon baller? Those contraptions fit perfectly into the eye socket, which makes for less mess.
Trust me, I would know…
Good to see you, G,
bschooled:)
Did someone say melon baller? A lemon reamer requires a little more work but I think you’ll find it produces much better results.
Wonderful post Bschooled. Glad to see that old man arrived just in time to bust up that nonsense between the two girls.
Thanks for the tip, Don! (Really, is there anything you don’t know?)
I agree, it was complete nonsense. And to make a bad situation even worse, this photo was posted on Facebook and the poor guy was tagged in it. So now all his friends know what a little tramp his (great) grand-daughter is. (Unfortunately he’s not very Facebook-adept and doesn’t know how to untag photos of himself.)
Way to make things awkward at the Seniors lodge, hey?
Always good to see you Don,
Bschooled:)
When did Asian babies become redheads? I need to get out more often.
How come the old dude is with the two “cotton” hotties? How much did it cost and do they include the hotel room in the charge? Also, do I have to do both girls if I get really tired after the first one? And, if not, can I get a partial refund?
If I can’t afford the two hotties, what would leather woman cost? As always, thanks for your help.
I’ve missed you, TL! And I’ve missed your mildly disturbing yet thought-provoking questions as well.
They’re like a breath of
freshsomething air to me.For you, Tannerleah, partial refunds are not only offered, they’re pretty much a given. (You know how I worry about your pants and all.) And let’s just say that leather woman is on the house.
Consider it an early Christmas gift.
Since when do Asian babies have red hair and hairy bodies?
Just saw that TL and I are on the same wavelength….well, that’s a first! ;-)
Ha! From what I heard, TL’s wavelengths are contagious…(and not always in a good way;))
Good to see you, Yang!
I’ve always been a natural fiber girl myself and now I understand why… it’s an indicator of my latent lesbian desire… which might actually manifest itself into a latent lesbian latex fest! Talk about party in one’s pants….
well, shit.. I meant: latent lesbian lycra fest.. but latex works too
They both work, DF!
In fact, the only material I wouldn’t recommend would be polyester. (Just trust me on that one.)
Of course, I love the photos with a few words genre, because damn, it that human skin?
Funny and disturbing and funny yet again.
Haha! Thanks FJ:)
And yes, I believe that skin is human. Or should I say was human…
I seriously can’t breathe…
This is the funniest Schytt ever.
That woman on the beach is my cousin. Her father was an elephant!
Ha!
Well, I guess she’s lucky then. Lord knows it’s better to be extremely old and weathered-looking then fat.
Chuck Norris action pants! I posted about those a while back (hiking stuff) and I am so glad to see someone else pay homage to the greatness that was the stretch crotch. Also, the mustache, but that’s not really the point.
Loved these. Superb combos of creepy and cool.
“Me, I like pleather, he said salivating…”