Billboard’s Greatest Hits- Holiday Edition
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“I Know What He Wants For Christmas…” -Kay Martin And Her Body Guards
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Track Listing
“Believe Me, I Know Exactly What He Wants for Christmas”
“He’s Been Asking For It For A Long Time”
“It’s All He Ever Talks About”
“It’s A Craftsman 9.6 Volt Cordless Power Drill”
“…With An Adjustable Torque Clutch”
“He Also Wants A New Set Of Rims, But He’ll Have To Wait Until His Birthday”
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“Another Lonely Holiday”- Christian Keyes
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Track Listing
“The Lonliest Holiday Ever”
“This Is My Lonely Face”
“It May Look Like My ‘I’m Watching Porn’ Face, But Trust Me…It’s Not”
“In My ‘I’m Watching Porn Face’ My Mouth Is Open Much Wider”
“ And My Fist Isn’t Under My Chin”
“…Not To Mention I’m Nude”
“So Anyway, Like I was Saying, I’m Really Lonely”
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“Merry Christmas with The Mom and Dads”
Track Listing
“Feliz Navidads”
“I Saw Mommy Kissing…Well Really, Who Haven’t I Seen Mommy Kissing?”
“She Came Upon A Midnight Clear…A Few Times, In Fact”
Oh Holy (…What A) Night”
“Oh Come All Ye Faithful…And Mom Too”
“Believe It Or Not, She Used To Be A Real Looker”
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”Christmas With Kirn”-(Kirn, I’m assuming)
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Track Listing
“Wishing You The Merriest Fucking Christmas Ever”
“ It’s Not Yellow, Jerk…It’s Off-White”
“And Yes, These Are My Real Eyebrows”
“Sure, I’ll Give You Your Two Front Teeth…On A Platter!”
“This Is My Christmas Spirit, Jackass”
”Go Deck The Bloody Halls Why Don’t You?”
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“The Secret Of Christmas”-Captain and Tennille
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Track Listing
“Ok, Promise You Won’t Say Anything”
“Pinky Swear?”
Ha! I can’t Believe I’m About To Spill The Beans!”
“Ok, Ok, Here Goes…”
“The Secret Is…”
“(Drumroll noise)”
“…It’s Some Sort Of Religious Holiday!!!”
“Er…I Think It Is, Anyway”
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“A Singer Christmas For The Family”
Track Listing
“Wow”
“I’m…I’m Speechless”
“I Honestly Wasn’t Expecting This”
“I Guess Dreams Really Do Come True”
“Now All I need Is A Vacuum And An Ironing Board And My Life Will Be Complete”
“Thank God You Didn’t Get Me That PVR I Asked For”
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Wow, who knew Kay Martin was a slut? She had me fooled! Thank you for the revelation.
Ha! Well DF, I wouldn’t necessarily call her a “slut”. I think she’s just really, really, really poor.
In fact, it’s the only explanation I can think of as to why she’s not wearing clothes on any of her album covers.
I guess it’s not like you’d make all that much money singing songs about cordless power drills…
Is she still alive? If so, I’ll pass the gift!!! :-/
Ha!
Miss this place!
Merry Xmas, B!
Ivan.
Feliz Ano natal e próspero ano novo Ivan!
Nós faltamo-lo demasiado! E seus retratos engraçados.
bschooled:)
Say what?
“What?”
(how was that?)
You need to get Christian Keyes’ follow-up album, I Know, I Know, All My Friends are Dead and I’m so Lonely I Could Die, so Go Fuck Yourself.
Maybe Kay Martin could throw Christian Keyes a little leg so he won’t ruin everyone’s Holiday.
He is full of powerful sprites, my Lord.
I know, I know.
Hahaha! You are a true genius, FJ. Well, I guess “Christian Keyes” is the tue genuis here (albeit a socially-awkward one), but still.
I bet Kay would throw him more than just a limb if he asked her nicely enough…
Is that tape around Kay’s breasts her body guards as referred to in the title?
Hilarious, NM! I only wish I would have thought of that.
Maybe I’ll have to go and dig up the “alternate” track listing…
So, is the mom banging all of the dads? She looks like the kind of gal that could take on all 3.
And, yes, I have already rubbed off 3 times to the lovely Kay Martin. Thanks for the Christmas present.
Of course she’s “banging” all three, TL. They obviously wouldn’t stick around just for her personality…
And as for the present, you’re more than welcome. I tell ya, it’s times like these when I feel like I finally understand what the true meaning of Christmas is all about…
Merry Christmas, TL;)
Funny…I thought the Singer’s were Jewish.
Only on the night before Rosh Hashanah…
They’re all about a good party.
Yes! For years I couldn’t fathom where Jimmy Page stole his “pucker up” look during those ripping Led Zep solos, and now I know . . .
–FLASHBACK ALERT FLASHBACK ALERT FOR THE FOLLOWING AREAS: USA . . . CANADA . . .
. . . a frantic, last-minute shopping excursion, my dad slapping the Kay Martin album out of my young, questioning hands, and of course – the big surprise later – finding that album in his “special collection,” or as my ex fellow employee called it, “visual aides for later destinations in life . . .”
And seriously, it looks like Kirn could really use a Kay Martin in his life right about now . . . unwrapping her (oops, too late) like that very special Singer (pun alert).
You had me laughing outloud again, Bschooled, and that is one of the best Christmas gifts one could ask for, besides the other “best medicines”. Thanks, and have a very holly jolly. Fantastic blog!
Haha! “Visual aides for later destinations in life…”
I have to admit I’m not 100% sure what that means, but needless to say that didn’t stop me from giggling like an awkward schoolgirl when I read it. (Honestly, I’m not 100% sure what that means either, but it just sort of “works” with the theme of this nonsensical reply.)
And yes, I agree. Kirn could definitely use a Kay Martin in his life about now. By the looks of it, I think he’s finally decided that he’s had one “Mom-type” too many.
Thanks for the hilarity-ensuing visit, Invasive1. Wishing you and your family a wonderful and flashback-free (think of the children!) holiday.
Bschooled;)
It’s so nice to know that Kay Martin is spreading holiday cheer! Maybe she could pass just a little bit of that along to poor disgruntled Santa!
Hope your holidays are super merry, b! I know for a fact yours will be much better Christian Keyes!
Ha! Or maybe she did pass her “holiday cheer” along to Santa, and now he’s dealing with the repercussions?
Just a thought. (Not one I’d want my Mother to know I had, mind you, but a thought nonetheless…)
Merry (insert politically-correct term here) to you too, Talon! I truly wish you and your family the happiest of holidays.
Bschooled:)
b:)
Didn’t Kay get herpes ?
Christian Keyes – Is it because his fist is stuck to his chin?
It’s Billy Bob Thornton’s family right?
Shame, Kirn got so pissed his friends peroxided his entire body , dressed him as Santa and sold the image to clipart. Now every bastard is using it.
Oh FFS Captain and Tennille should be torpedoed!
WTF, the sounds of a sewing machine …how special
From what I hear, I think Kay may have invented them….
I really should get you to do the commentary under these albums, frigginloon. You have a way of making me see things in a completely different light…;)
Merry Christmas frigginloon! (or whatever it is we’re supposed to say nowadays…apparently Bearman is going to let us know momentarily…;))