Christmas Carols
December 24, 2009
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Carol Channing
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Carol Burnett
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Carol Shenkelman
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Carol Seaver
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Carol Who Never Wore Her Safety Goggles
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33 Responses
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Carol Channing
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Carol Burnett
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Carol Shenkelman
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Carol Seaver
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Carol Who Never Wore Her Safety Goggles
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I assume the tag “photoshop prodigy” refers to the remarkable transformation of Carol Burnett into some form of warthog? Or perhaps that’s more about the plastic surgery.
Regardless, a wonderful collection of Christmas Carols. I only wish Carroll O’Connor had made the list.
Have a wonderful Christmas Bschooled!
Your festive Friend,
Don
My festive friend indeed!
Truth be told, I wanted to add Carroll O’Connor to the list, but I feard that his superfluous “r and l” would throw everyone off. I swear, it’s times like these when I wish they were called “Christmas Carrolls”.
And the “photoshop prodigy” tag was actually in reference to yours truly, but in hindsight I probably should have written “MS Paint prodigy.” (I really need to get an editor for this stuff.)
Wishing a very Merry Christmas to you and yours Don! (York, Hattie, etc.)
Your mirthful friend,
Bschooled:)
HA! Nice touch, B!
There’s a Carol down at the local “exotic dance” club, but she hangs holly and mistletoe in all the wrong (right?) places, for dollar bills and that “special” kiss.
Being a respectable parent, I’ve only heard of this while purchasing some quick holiday gifts at the local packy, of course. To venture into such a den of ill repute – packed full of desease-riddled addicts, prowling pimps, and desperate alcoholics – would go against the very core of my strict moral standards, not to mention placing a large bounty on my head for all the money I owe . . .
Oops.
Holiday joking as always, Bschooled. I hope you’re visited by many Carolers bearing tidings and gifts!
Invasive1,
Although I am not familiar with this Carol you speak of, she does sound like quite the entertaining lady. Not one you’d want to touch with a ten foot “festively decorated pole” mind you, but entertaining nonetheless.
Merry Christmas Invasive1. May your holiday be free of disease-riddled addicts, prowling pimps and desperate alcoholics. (Although I have to admit that’s usually what makes my annual family gatherings so memorable…)
Bschooled:)
ummm…next time you need to put a Santa Hat on Carol Seaver…please let me know. Some of us own Photoshop and not a scissors and tape.
Huh?
Sorry, but I’m not picking up what you’re putting down, Bearman.
(It’s not my fault that Carol likes to wear her hats “slightly above” her head…)
And least there is no weird pointing finger or fringe Bearman!
Dear sweet Carol Shenkelman holding up the most festive of the “Frosty the Snowman” Christmas Sweaters for Grandma Collection which you just KNOW was a gift from her d-in-law.
I feel so much more festive, b! Thank you so much!
Ha!
I think you might be right about her d-in-law. (But if I didn’t know better, I would have sworn that Carol’s “heavily-themed sweater” was a gift from my Mom.)
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas, Talon!
b:)
There’s nothing like a good carol on Christmas. How is it possible you’ve managed to find the best of the bunch??? Must be that sweater you were holding up in that pic above… cuz, damn that is a hot sweater.
Though I somehow always thought you were older than that. LOL.
Oh, B! I’ve missed you… I’ve been busy with work and life and a sick kiddo, but thought I would just pop in for some Christmas fun. Hope it’s a good one for you!
Hugs,
April Belle
April!
I missed you too. I admit I was getting a little worried, I thought maybe you’d quit your job and gone on the road with the “Menudo Reunion Tour”.
I’m sorry to hear about your sick little one, I hope everything is alright. And I hope you and your family are enjoying the holidays.
I’m really glad you stopped by April, it’s always good to hear from an old friend.
bschooled:)
Ms Shenkelman looks like a talented lady
She really is!
In fact, she’s one of the reasons I started sculpting…;)
Hope you had a great Christmas, NM!
Feliz Natal, meu amor!
Ivan.
Feliz Natal e Feliz Ano Novo feliz meu querido amigo louco!
Where did you learn this crap in Portuguese? Was it Don Mills?
Ha!
Ivan.
Of course it was, Ivan!
Mr. Mills is the “knower of all things…”
Poor Carol who never wore her safety glasses. I wonder if she knows it’s Christmas?
Haha!
Of course she does, Yang, she’s wearing her “MS Paint” Santa hat!
WTF. Carol Channing “The Year Without a Santa Claus” by Phyllis McGinley. How does that work? I am confused like Carol who didn’t wear her friggin safety goggles
Geez, who threw up Christmas on Carol Shenkelman’s cardigan?
I don’t know who it was who threw up FL, but they certainly ate too many carrots
Blahahahaha well spotted
I’m confused as well, frigginloon. Extremely confused.
But if there’s one thing you can take away from this post, it’s understanding the importance of “always wearing your safety goggles”.
Even during the holidays.
Hell, I have them on as I speak and i am buying them for everyone next Christmas
Oh God, Carol Channing……singing?
curls up in a tiny ball, cover his ears and mumbles make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!
Don’t worry, G.
I’ve listened to the album, and I don’t think she’s the one actually singing. I think it’s just her ventriloquist doll.
Happy holidays, G:)
Looking at these, I feel like I slipped down the hole that Lewis Carroll invented.
It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backward.
You did, FJ, you did!
“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat. “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
…Hope you’re having a great holiday, FJ:)
The Remarkably True Story of Carol, Who No Longer Needs Safety Glasses
Carol X. once was a promising warehouse supervisor. She was well-liked and worked hard, even on half-days and the days before holidays and Fridays and Mondays and even during those pointless mid-week days where you just can’t get motivated no matter what.
During a routine inspection of the steel racks used to store the backstock, Carol noticed something was amiss. The I-beam had been hit by a forklift, causing a deep bend near the bottom of the beam and the retaining pins had come loose.
Carol, ever the active and noteworthy employee immediately cordoned off the area and sent an underling (Jeff Underling, to be exact) to report the situation to the head of the Safety Committee.
Jeff raced to the committee’s foreman and related the I-beam situation using a collection of hand gestures and swear words. The foreman replied that he would relieve Carol and her excellent vision in a few moments as he was busy updating the “Days Worked Without a Horrifying and Retina-Destroying Accident.”
As the foreman rummaged around in his supplies looking for the ever-evasive “2,” Jeff Underling returned to check on the I-beam and assist Carol in her 20/20 vigilance. Soon the feisty number was corralled and affixed to the posterboard with a combination of packing tape and gum.
The foreman spoke briefly to Carol and took some grainy and out-of-focus shots of the damaged I-beam. He sent a forklift operator to the warehouse to remove the product so the steel rack could be disassembled safely. He also sent an underling (Ralph Underling, part of Underling Food Products greatly expanding nepotism plan) to take a look around for the “0,” just in case.
Once the foreman had the situation under control, Carol returned to her office to write up the Incident Report. She brought Jeff with her to help fill in the details. 30 minutes later it was complete and turned in to the Safety Committee, narrowly beating the arbitrary deadline by 7 minutes. The Safety Committee sighed heavily and put away their Safety Violation Disciplinary Action Sheets.
Proud of her swift action and full compliance, the foreman of the Safety Committee chuckled and offered to “buy” her a cup of coffee in the breakroom. He had used this terrible line several times before without incidence, but this time it failed. Carol turned him down, opting to head out of the building and down to the local coffee shop for some fresh-brewed and a couple of danishes.
As she stepped outside, she heard some commotion to her right. She peered past the entryway and into the bright sunlight. This error of judgment proved costly.
The commotion she heard was the installation of an exhibit by a local artist who worked exclusively with mirrors and reflective surfaces. His insightful critique of “everyman narcissism” was aligned perfectly with the 10:30 am sun, which focused two beams of light into Carol’s unprotected pupils.
She fell to the pavement, instantly blind.
Carol stated later that her last thoughts were, “My god! I left my safety goggles on my desk!”
Carol doesn’t hold a grudge against the young Bohemian who inadvertently blinded her although she does wonder if public funding should be used to erect “horrendous eyesores” like she much imagines this art installation to be.
On the other hand, her fellow workers say she looks pretty good in a Santa hat and oversized sunglasses and miss her keen instincts and eyesight, which would have prevented them from missing many limbs and digits.
The Safety Committee had no comment but offered to “buy” us a cup of coffee.
(PS. Another great post, bschooled. Hope you had a great Xmas and I see I’ve missed another Billboard posting. Well, I didn’t miss it. I did read it and enjoy it, ROFLing both figuratively and perjoratively. [?] Don’t ask me what that means. My “comment muse” seems to be drinking heavily and wondering where our relationship is going.)
CLT, not only was this “Post-Like Comment” superior to my “Comment-Like Post”, you did in approximately 600 (or so) words what countless aspiring writers for Readers Digest “Amazing Stories of Survival” have failed to do in thousands. Granted, they do use a lot of unnecessary prepositions and adjectives—“The menacing, terrifying, broad-shouldered bear was behind the robustly healthy tree which was gently yet firmly planted in the dirty dirt which was on the luxuriant forest path that was all like ‘pathy’ and stuff…”—but still, that’s quite a feat.
In fact, if this “Reader’s Diggest” (note the extra “g” for legal purposes) publication of mine ever gets off the ground, I would be honored if you would consider coming on board. I need people like you to find people like Carol, and tell their inspiring, yet “get to the fucking point!” stories through your brilliantly succinct (and Responsible Care Aware!) eyes.
At least think about it.
Thank-you, CLT. Those were the best chuckles I’ve had since watching “AFHV” with my family on Christmas Day. (Although truth be told, I don’t think I was chortling for the same reasons Tom Bergeron was).
b:)
Ps. I hope you don’t mind, I am taking the term “perjoratively” and sticking it firmly yet gently in my back pocket. You never know when it might come in handy.
i just love carol burnett, there’s never been a funnier female comic in my humble opinion!!
Lynn!
It’s great to see you. (And I love the new avatar!)
And in my opinion, your opinion is anything but humble. (I know that doesn’t really make sense, but just so you know, I mean it in a good way;).)
I hope you had a very Merry Christmas, and I wish you and Rip nothing but the best for 2010.
(We miss you around here!)
Bschooled:)
thanks bschooled, the feeling is mutual. it feels good to be back although i wont fully be back until sexy monday which lands on the 3rd of jan. until then i thought i’d just meander around my blogroll until i settle in.