A few of my favorite things…
January 20, 2010
..
Cooperation
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
Creativity
.
..
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
..
.
.
...
.
Competency
.
.
.
.
.
.
…
.
..
.
..
..
Comedy
.
.
..
.
.
.
..
.
.
...
.
Circumspection
.
47 Comments
leave one →
I can’t really blame the mule, donkey or ass (or are they all the same thing?) for not being cooperative. There are two situations in which I never cooperate; #1 is with the police, FBI, CIA, IRS, ATF or any other initialed agency. #2 is when a naked black man is trying to pull me towards a body of water with a rope tied to my neck. And if he does manage to lead me to water, he damn sure can’t make me drink!
I love ‘creativity,’ and I love that painting as well. I didn’t know that collagen injections were in back in vogue ‘down there?’ I had been thinking about botoxing my whole package, but I’m not sure how it might affect my own work. I’d hate to get wrinkles just from when my one Irish eye is smiling.
I was going to make fun of the people in ‘competency’ until I noticed that it was shot in Florida. As a senior in a Florida public school you only need two elective credits to graduate. Speed-reloading and either Sexting or Gang Sign Language.
I love ‘comedy’ as much as the next conservative, right wing Christian, but I don’t find anything funny about these lesbians and their PDA’s.
Luckily I was able to find the entire article about Mellisa Williamson. It went on to say that after her original circumspection about the dangers of loud noise, she went on to ruminate about the fact that the ‘clinic’ was out of clean needles. As she poured herself another scotch she bitterly stated, “I’m just worried about the effects that a dirty needle may have on my precious kin. You can get hepatitis even from your own blood nowadays.” After she ‘fixed,’ she mumbled something about lowered emissions requirements before nodding off.
You never cease to amaze me B…..in the good way!!
HA!
Scott, this comment alone was worthy of it’s own blog post. In fact, I’d give it one myself, but according to WordPress Admin. I only have a limited amount of space. (Sorry about that.)
I don’t even like it when naked black men ask me to dance, let alone try to pull me anywhere! I mean it’s not like I say no or anything (I don’t like to hurt their feelings), but it’s safe to say that it’s quite the awkward experience. Especially if it’s a slow song.
You didn’t know about vaginox, Scott? It’s the latest thing! It’s for all those women who just want to enhance the front of their stretchy leggings. From what I heard, it’s a really popular procedure in Latin America.
Lesbians are always funny, Scott. Especially ones with buzz cuts. Who wear kid’s underoo shirts.
Melissa is truly an inspiration to mothers everywhere. She fights for her convictions no matter what the consequences. So many others would have just accepted the jackhammer sounds. Or used the dirty needle, for that matter. I only hope she gets her own reality show.
Thank-you for the ensuing hilarity, Scott. Needless to say (but I will), your amazement is just as unceasing.
Melissa has a loose screw, or had one anyway!
As for cooperation, WTF? Shag it on the land FFS!
Haha!
I think Melissa might have a few screws loose, Dave. But you have to give the lady credit for having such a great pensive expression. Let’s face it, not many people can pull that look off…especially while holding a dart.
ps. I now have a visual in my head about the gang in the first picture that is likely going to prevent me from sleeping for the next little while…
Oh my imagination has gone into murky waters (very murky) waters from that first photo. That’s one smart ass fo’ sho’!
that kid will be the result of stupid jack hammers.
And to think, it could have all been avoided had she just asked them to stop jackhammering…
Haha! You punny, Yang!
Seriously, next time I’m getting you to write the accompanying verbiage…
Ah yes! The ol’ inkblot or “Rorschach” test, where everything looks like a vagina! Now we’re really going deep – er – we’re really starting to penetrate – er – we’re getting to the meat of the – er – er . . . right!
Ah have a draem, Bschooled! that all men (and donkeys), get into the river and climb the mountain, or spot a vagina hiding in spattered ink, while free to light one up for their precious unborn babe, whilst pondering the hammering misfortunes of life.
Ah have a dream, Bschooled, and have been to New Jersey, gazing out upon the great mountainous barges of garbage drifting into an uncertain future. Ah . . . have . . . a . . . whatever.
Once again; highly inspiring content! Ah love your post-o-cu-latin’!
I have no idea what that means, and don’t mean any disrespect toward MLK. I just need a damn coffee . . .
Thanks Dan,
Do you mind if I ask where you got your Rorscach tests? Because none of mine look like vaginas. Maybe those masterpieces were created during Rosarch’s “pubescent phase”. Either way, I’d keep those puppies safe. They’re probably worth big money!
Your draems never fail to impress me. So descriptive and detailed. I can only imagine what your derams are must be like.
And don’t worry, I don’t think MLK knows what it means either. (But I have a feeling her baby does!)
I need help. I need serious, serious help. How much for the therapy?
First one’s always free, Dan.
After that we’ll work something out…
You.. have one deliciously warped sense of humor.
Who knew vaginas could make money that way!!!!.. I may have to rethink my business plan.
If I were ‘her’ advisor, I’d suggest a change in colors. I tend to think vagina paintings should be in softer, more muted coloring. Unless of course, these are vaginas with teeth then I recommend darker, more vivid reds and hot splashes of orange.
afterthought: acrylics are washable, right?
I thought of you (in a good way) when I saw that artwork, DF.
Since we were talking about collaborating before, maybe it’s something we could look into? Think about it-you do the artwork and I’ll be your bookie…or agent….or whatever it is you labia artists have nowadays. All you have to do is keep popping out those thought-provoking masterpieces and I’ll take care of the rest.
(Oh, and might I suggest a few Kegel exercises–just to get the inspiration flowing “down there”)
Er, I’m not sure if acrylics are washable, but self-expression is more important than a little unsightl perma-stain. Besides, who’s gonna look that hard at it anyway?
Well, I know at least one ‘someone’ who would notice if showed up with blue and red paint all over my crotch and ass… how do you keep distinct boundaries with this kind of art.
I can actually think of a few ways to do this painting and make it fun.. Then to gross someone out you could add some dried up alfalfa sprouts while the paint is still wet…………to the painting!
I’d love for you to do the artwork for my book, I have an idea in mind… it would satisfy FJ’s request
HA! That was both hilarious and disturbing, DF. You are truly a woman to be reckoned with.
Personally, I think FJ needs to be careful what he wishes for…
I guess those two men have never heard the expression, “You can lead an ass to water, but he doesn’t have to like it.”
I thought I was the only one who had adraem. Geez…I’m never as original as I think I am.
It’s perfectly appropriate that a vagina-based painting should be laid flat because, really, could it ever be well hung?
I’d like something well hung in my vagina…..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(Er, no comment.)
Haha! Believe it or not, that expression was actually going to be my tag line. (Unfortunately, I had to take it out because it was too long and looked out of place next to “paint-by-vagina”.)
Once again, your insight never fails to impress. You’re right, I can’t see that painting as being well hung.
Hell, I can’t see that painting being hung period! (Keep in mind that was an inintended pun…I swear).
I guess that’s what makes people like you artists and people like me “not artists”. (I mean, besides the talent part.)
Ha! I used to teach smoking cessation to counselors and used Melissa in one of my presentations to demonstrate denial and pregnancy. Nice to see her again!
Haha! That’s hilarious!
I remeber seeing her a few years ago as well. I’ve always wanted to ask her if she ever got that whole jackhammer mess straightened out…
Bullitt Avenue … made famous by Steve McQueen, who of course was made famous by that Sheryl Crow song.
…who of course was made famous by that “Leaving Las Vegas” song, which inspired that Nicolas Cage movie, who is now famous once again for owing the IRS $14 mil.
It’s a vicious circle.
I’m a little concerned about that intersection at Bullitt Avenue – there don’t seen to be any Stop or Give Way signs. I hope Melissa is going to keep her offspring on a leash, very dangerous for a kidlet living so close to such a busy road
My thoughts exactly, NM. It looks to me as though there are all sorts of dangers in Mellisa’s area.
The child might just be better off staying inside her womb indefinitely.
I think I like this photo and accompanying title idea…OMG, I do that too. I know, I know, it must be that great minds thingy, right?? Funny shit B. We want weiner paintings as well you know.
It’s like we’re twins! Only you are a brilliant clown, and I’m a woman from the 60′s with amber tinted glasses and my hand permanently lodged in my hair.
But other than that, it’s like we’re twins!
Haha! Oh, FJ, you and your wein…well, you know.
And to think I could have done something more interesting than those pedestrian red lipstick stained SWAKs on the back of envelopes mailed to paramours.
Take it from me, Elizabeth, nothing says “I’m interested” quite like an envelope that’s been SWAV.
OMG, I am HOWLING!! Forget ‘belly laugh’…this one emanates from my nether regions.
HAHA!
FYI, I am stealing that line. I have no idea when I’ll use it (most likely not at work), but I’m stealing it.
You all have it wrong. The two guys aren’t trying to get the ass in the water. The kid and the donkey are trying to help the ass OUT of the water. It seems somehow he lost his shoes and keeps slipping on the rocks.
I too have a Deram. In fact I thought I was the only person in the world to have one. I’ll have to look this woman up to see if she is willing to sell hers.
Now that I look at it again, you could be right!
I sure hope they got him out of there…if not for his sake, then at least for the sake of the child he’s about to give birth to.
What do you need a Deram for anyway? I’ll give you $20 for yours, final offer.
Obviously the value of a good Deram is lost on you. $22.25
Sold!
Thanks Bearman. I’ve always deramt of this day, but to tell you the truth, I never thought it would happen.
An ass leading a dumbass
Vagina on the ground, looking like a fool with a vagina on the ground.
You shouldn’t make fun of dyslexics Bschooled or are they “at hopers” ?
Carol should have worn those safety goggles!
Is she pregnant or just fat? How noisy can Jack’s hammer be?
Ah…all excellent observations, FL. You never fail to impress. Not only that, I think you might have a new hit song on your hands.
…I thought Carol was the “at hoper”?
A very fine post Bschooled.
Sorry I’m late in commenting but it’s been a hell of a week. I had an old sweater which had a pattern that bore an uncanny resemblance to that work of “art” and have been burning it in an oil drum and disinfecting my closet for the better part of the last 3 days.
Yeah…..really, I got nothing…
A very nice job, as always. You never fail to make me laguh…sorry, laghu
Your friend,
Don
Ha!
To tell you the truth, Don, labia-patterned clothing is actually considered quite fashionable nowadays.
In fact, even Paris Hilton herself has a new line of women’s vagina-embossed spring jackets coming out this season. I’ve seen them, and they’re actually quite lovely.
Her marketing tag line is brilliant, though. “Vag-Coats by Paris Hilton: Now You Can Really Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve”
It’s really going to bring in that “sentimental” demographic.
…
…
(Er, sorry about that. I haven’t had my morning Red Bull yet.)
Anyway, thank-you for the chuckle-worthy visit, Don. Even your nothings are really something.
Your friend,
Bschooled
FJ’s Version
Hahahah. Blah. Blah blah blah vagina blah blah blah.
B’s Version
Haha. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah vagina blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!
Thanks blah blah blah blah blah blah.
(Blah blah)
Haha!!
B- You know what I mean?
FJ-Yeah, I know what you mean.
B-But do you really know what I mean?
FJ-Yeah, I really know what you mean.
B-It’s cool when you know what I mean, hey?
FJ-Uh yeah, whatever.
B-Ha!…hey?
If the god damn mule just let me give him a bath in my tub then i would not need to wash him the public water supply….
Funny stuff
zman sends
Haha! To tell you the truth, if I was that guy’s mule I probably wouldn’t let him wash me in his tub either…
Good to see you, Zman! Hope things are going well over in your neck of the woods…
b:)
Bad news B
I went ahead with the whole ‘botoxing the package’ deal to enhance the front of my sweaty (not a typo) pants….and to fit in better around here. While it does add an esthetic appeal since it now doesn’t move, it is no longer functional, because it doesn’t move.
Now at least when we meet if St. Pete and I ask you to dance while stark naked, you wont feel the least bit uncomfortable. I always try to look on the bright side! Oh, and it will give you a chance to get out of that damn corner again!
Scott, I have to say that the visual of that left me both disturbed and fascinated.
It was a feeling not unlike the one I had last week, while watching an episode of “The Bachelor” (don’t judge).
The Bachelor–who, by the way is probably the “unfunniest” man alive–and the Bachelorettes had to do a stand-up act at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club (again, don’t ask), and it was like watching a horrific car accident over and over and over and over and over and over and…(well, you get the point).
The worst part was that not only could I not look away, I made my friend rewind it and play it back (three times) so I could have the extreme awkwardness permanently ingrained into my mind.
That’s why I’m glad I never got into S&M…I’m a glutton for punishment.
What’s my point, you ask? Good question. (One that I’m probably not knowledgeable enough to answer.)
Regardless, I have to say that I am looking forward to our dance.