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Antisocial Experiment #237

Question: What role do The Hunger Games and Twilight franchises play in communication/love/getting signed on with a major rap record label?

Hypothesis: None.

Conclusion: (See Hypothesis.)

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*You don’t have to be a rapping genius to know that in order for a thirty-something pasty white female with no rhythm to have any chance at a successful rapping career, they need to have a schtick. That’s why I came up with my own style of rapping, that I like to call “Identity Theft Rap©”.

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  1. June 1, 2012

    Welcome back to the land of the wired. Without stable internet access, my household would quickly devolve to some kind of Lord of the Flies killing fields. Also, I would not be at risk of getting random pics of privates. Maybe I should disconnect now.

    • June 4, 2012

      Whatever you do, don’t disconnect.
      Just think of all the phallus-inspired jokes you’d be missing out on…

  2. June 1, 2012

    I’ve been trying to work out a beat to your phat rhymes and the best I could muster is Master Chang’s rendition of “Neosporin” (from Kung Pow, of course). I’ll keep working on it. I’m -115% positive that you’re the next Immortal Technique (’cause all your social commentary and shit).

    • June 4, 2012

      Thanks, Howdoesyousay! Believe it or not, I’ve been so busy becoming the next “Immortal Technique” that I had no idea the first one even existed. Luckily I was able to take a break from my controversial rapping long enough to Google him.

      You’re right. Besides the raps about class struggle/government/racism and the fact that I have shinier hair, we’re totally the same!

  3. June 1, 2012

    Leatha’. Just saying.

    Welcome back. I missed you and your weirdness. Especially your perpetratin’ on those poor innocent souls who are just looking for love. That I missed most of all.

    Your rhymin’ be inspired, yo. Is this what love feels like, homie?

    • June 7, 2012

      This is definitely what love feels like, homie. I know because I watch the Bachelor.

  4. elizabeth3hersh #
    June 1, 2012

    From Peeta’s mom:

    It also not easy bein’ the par-RENT
    Tryin’ to make the kid earn they two cent
    ‘specially when they equate bakery wit slavery
    When all I hope is de make somethin’ savory

    (Where is a baguette to whack that kid upside the head?)

    • June 7, 2012

      Brilliant!

      Word to Peea’s motha
      Who can rap like no otha
      All dat savory shit she make
      why she need da kid to bake?
      Can’t she just leave Peeta be
      He gots stuff to do and people to see
      Dats why he be askin’ for da dough
      Da kind dat you spend, not da kind dat you roll…

  5. cornfedgirl #
    June 1, 2012

    Your skills and mastery of mind-fuckery are admirable. Not to mention your rapping prowess…. I bow to thee.

    • June 7, 2012

      Gracias, cornfedgirl. Granted, I can’t take all the credit.
      My dad was a modern day strolling minstrel.

  6. June 1, 2012

    Oh, Butter Girl. She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a Butter Man …

    • June 2, 2012

      … She feeds him, that’s why she’ll be back againn….

    • June 2, 2012

      you’re on fire today Miss AWC

    • June 9, 2012

      That 22 year old student from Turkey was NOT deterred. I would give that dude another go, Bea. You just never know.

      • June 10, 2012

        Good point. And he did have a passport….

  7. June 1, 2012

    I understood Hunger Games even less after reading this post…but now I know not to continue to waste my time manscaping as it has no positive effect for my wife.

  8. June 1, 2012

    Peeta’s rap is awesome.

  9. June 1, 2012

    I loved all of this, but the thing I laughed the most at is that you blocked out your own last name in the first Hunger Games Facebook post.

    • June 10, 2012

      Haha! I don’t like to reveal too much about myself at once.
      Identity theft is a very real concern these days.

  10. June 4, 2012

    BSchooled:
    Funny …but weird.
    Is this what loves feels like?

    • June 10, 2012

      Do you also have severe joint pain and a slight feeling of nausea? If so, it is definitely love.

      Either that or Lyme disease.

  11. thesuniverse #
    June 6, 2012

    I <3 you lol your weird

    • June 10, 2012

      rofl i no u r but what am i?

      (*Hint: It rhymes with beird.)

  12. June 7, 2012

    This is fantastic. Randomly came across this blog while battling my nightly insomnia and decided its genius. Yessss :)

    • June 10, 2012

      Thanks, nalacritter28. That’s what I think whenever I have insomnia, too!

      ps. Had you not mentioned the part insomnia part I would have been concerned.

  13. thatdarngirl #
    June 7, 2012

    OMG that totally cracked me up…The army guy …that totally happen to me and he had me at hello big penis…I’m sure u understand

  14. Rod #
    June 7, 2012

    Is this one of your best ever?
    ……of curs

  15. June 7, 2012

    She needs to build up his confidence and tell him that it’s the most kick-ass penis ever. We can’t afford to have his confidence shaken. It could shake up homeland security.

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