Love is Blind (Thank God)

If you’re wondering why I haven’t been around lately, I have a good excuse.  Lately I’ve been busy corresponding with/falling in love with one of the guys from this post, whom I met while trolling a cougar-friendly dating site.

His name is Jude81, and despite the fact that he looks at least 10 years older than my Dad, he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a younger man.

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My everything.

He has a great personality and shit-eating grin and while I can’t be sure given the language/spelling barrier, I think he asked me to marry him. But first I just need to send him $20,000 so he can pay for his life-saving surgery and also renovate his orphanage (He owns his own orphanage!) and buy the orphans things like gruel and clothes and tap dancing shoes so they can do the shuffle step with mops just like in the movie “Annie”.

Because he keeps putting off my requests to meet him in person, I’m assuming that our wedding will take place via MSN Messenger. As soon as I finalize the date/registry details, I’ll be sure to pass it along.

Until then, I thought I’d post a completely unrelated yet still really fun game, called “What’s Wrong With This Picture?”.

The rules are simple. Just look at the picture below, then choose from the following multiple choice answers.

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What’s Wrong With This Picture?

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a) The sofa is blocking the flow of Chi in the room, causing it to pool and become stagnant.
b) Helly Hansen hoodies are like, sooo 1997.
c) Dude is so stoned he doesn’t even know who his homies are.
d) What’s right with this picture?
e) The person who wrote the second comment is also related to me. BY BLOOD.

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*Scroll down for answer

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*Correct Answer- Who cares. Besides, it’s not like it’s a real game, anyway.

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Comments

  1. I think that the glaring thing wrong with the picture is the dude is holding someone’s hand while toking. I mean was he scared? Did he need moral support? WTF. Pussy.

    • My thoughts exactly! Though I find it confusing, since judging by the rest of his demeanor (slouched shoulders, sideways hat, the way he’s gripping the hose like a boss), you’d think he’d be an expert by now.

  2. I’m wondering if this guy is/was an orphan at Jude’s orphanage, and that’s how he’s turned out like that. As soon as you know where to contribute money let me know, those kids need a lot of help.

    • They really do. In Jude’s last message, he said-quote- “Baby i need to get some furnitures for the orphanage please my love i need some support please my Angel the orphans need you.”

      Apparently these poor orphans don’t even have an ottoman to rest their weary legs.

  3. If you give him the money, be sure to take a life insurance policy on him. This way you will still get paid if he was to die during surgery.

    • Good idea, Ahmnodt! In the case of his untimely death, I know he would want me to be taken care of, obviously. Even if he does think my legal name is “baby”.

  4. Ha! Jokes on you. Jude has been MY homey since 2010.

  5. Oh man!! I am so happy for you and shit eating grin guy. He looks like a really special catch. And of course I mean short bus kinda special, so bonus! Please let me know when and where to send a gift. I’m assuming handcuffs and duct tape will be the appropriate theme, yes? Mazel Tov!

    • Seeing as he doesn’t seem interested in kinky sex (or sex at all for that matter-granted it might have something to do with the fact that I just had a labiaplasty), the handcuffs and duct tape probably wouldn’t be practical.

      Oh, wait….never mind.

  6. Rich Crete says:

    I guess I can scratch “teeth whitener” off my list of potential gifts since Jude has all he needs.
    Oh and BTW, for a nominal sum, I’d be willing to perform the service.

    • I know, right? It’s like he’s trying to overcompensate for his other lackluster features.

      Can you perform the service in beginner’s English? I just worry that he’ll try to renege by claiming he had no idea what he was agreeing to.

  7. Congratulations. Please keep us informed of where you two love birds register so I can be sure to get you a gravy boat.

  8. F.) Person in picture appears not to have noticed the boat this stateroom’s in is sinking. Must be pretty good stuff…

  9. I’m so glad you found someone!!! Quick question: are these actually his own personal orphans? Because if he has a few (sounds like it) I will totally take one off his hands. It’s almost impossible to find one around here. I’ve taken to driving erratically through the Wal Mart parking lot in hope that someone will “accidentally” become an orphan in front of me. If he needs a donation for it, I can send an old dog and a pair of dull scissors. Let me know.

    • I’m glad you asked about the orphans. In an effort to express the urgency of the situation, he recently sent me a photo of the orphans at Halloween. They were adorable! These kids looked so precious in their costumes that I couldn’t help but Google the picture to find out where dude/Jude actually stole the photo from.

      You’re not going to believe this, but turns out these orphans don’t live in the UK, they live in the US! And they’re not even orphans!

      To be fair, he was only off by one letter. And given that I met him on Cougared.com it’s not like I can be picky.

  10. Those sofa cushions could do with plumping

  11. Jude81, he’s your guy
    I can tell and I know why
    His smile is brilliant, it’s so keen,
    It’s like looking at Charlie Sheen.
    You’re meant for each other, that’s not a ploy,
    You’re like Lucy and Dezi or Siegfried and Roy,
    Or Penn and Teller or Bogart and Bacall,
    Or Humpty Dumpty before his fall.
    Your hearts are one, that’ so true
    You’ll be best of friends, him and you.
    My only concern is the guy with bong,
    There is definitely something wrong.
    I don’t know how to say this without ruining your fun,
    I think he’s holding hands with Jude81.

  12. The guy has a pretty nice smile considering what you said he eats. I’d like to know his secret.

  13. Congratulations B! I’m so happy for you! Please let me know if you or your fiance need someone to proofread your wedding vows. I’m an excellent speller.

    As for the random photo- I’m going with C. If it were an essay question, my response would be something like “who’s cute little stuffed animal is that on the couch and why can’t we see the whole thing”?

  14. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Umm…orange sprayed hair and Molotov cocktails? If I hadn’t been ‘late to this party’ I wouldn’t have gotten the right answer.

    P.S. Here in Las Vegas we now have “wedding wagons” whereby they will drive to where ever you want to get married. Would it be presumptuous to ask if I be a bridesmaid?

  15. elizabeth3hersh says:

    *can be

  16. ENFP?

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