Billboard’s Not So Greatest Albums

..“Dick”

TRACK LISTING

“Hi, I’m Dick”

“…Or Asshole”

“…Or Jerk-Off”

“…Sometimes Wanker”

“…Or Furry McEyebrowson”

“…Or Worf”

“…Or Severely Anti-Social”

“…Or What Happens When Two Cousins Fornicate”

“…Or The Only Guy To Appear In Three Consecutive Episodes Of Dateline’s ‘To Catch A Predator’”

“…Or A Waste Of A Perfectly Good Leopard Print Banana Hammock”

“Actually, Now That I Think About It, I’d Prefer It If You Just Called Me Richard”

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“You Ain’t No Friend Of Mine”

TRACK LISTING

“You Ain’t No Friend Of Mine”

“No Way”

“I’d Never Be Your Friend”

“Not Even If You Paid Me”

“You Coulda Been My Friend”

“But You Declined My Request”

“Thirty-Seven Times”

“Then Blocked My Profile”

“And Changed Your Phone Number”

“And Moved Out Of State”

“Also, That Restraining Order Didn’t Help”

“Your Loss, Girl”

“…Your Loss, Indeed”

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“I Heard My Father’s Voice”

TRACK LISTING

“He Was Calling My Name”

“Stevie….Stevie….”

“Get Out Of The Garden, Stevie”

“How Many Times Have I Told You To Quit Sniffing The Flowers, Stevie?”

“The Neighbors Already Think You’re Weird”

“You’re The Reason Their Children Aren’t Allowed Outside”

“Why Don’t You Go Out And Make Some Friends, Stevie?”

“Maybe Get Your Own Apartment”

“And A Girlfriend”

“A Real One, Not The Kind That Comes With It’s Own Air Valve”

” As You Can Tell, My Father Has Quite The Motor Mouth”

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“Don’t Poo In My Mouth And Tell Me It’s Raining”

TRACK LISTING

“Don’t Urinate On My Face And Tell Me It’s Cloudy”

“Don’t Shove My Head Into The Toilet And Tell Me It’s Overcast”

“Don’t Make Me A Vomit Sandwich And Tell Me It’s Foggy Out”

“Don’t Put Your Soiled Fruit Of The Looms On My Head And Tell Me You Have A Feeling It Might Snow”

“Don’t Kick Me In The Junk And Tell Me There’s Going To Be A Slight Chance Of Frost Overnight”

“Don’t Teabag Me And Tell Me There’s A High Wind Warning Remaining In Effect Until 4 PM PST”

“You Know How Much I Hate Bad Weather”

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“Don’t Loose The Love”

TRACK LISTING

“Don’t Loose The Love”

“Loose Love Sucks”

“It’s The Worst Kind Of Love”

“Only Loosers Loose Love”

“Also, Whores”

“It’s Like Throwing A Hotdog Down A Hallway”

“Or, So I’ve Heard, Anyway”

*cough*

“So Yeah, If Your Love Is Loose, Then Loose My Number”

“Or Only Call On Weekends”

“After Last Call”

“Sober, I Like My Love Like I Like My Women”

“Tight”

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“Saturday Night Fiedler”

TRACK LISTING

“Sensible Boogie Shoes”

“Last Night an R.N. Saved My Life”

“Heart of Glass (And A Pacemaker, Housed In A Hermetically Sealed Titanium Container)”

“Love Hangover….Or Maybe It’s Just My Gout Flaring Up”

“Lovin’ Is Really My Game. Also, Shuffleboard”

“It’s Raining Meds”

“Stayin’ Alive (Hint: Think Difibrillator)”

“Shriners Inferno”

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Billboard’s Greatest Hits: Honorable Mentions

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Al Hirt Ann-Margret

Track Listing

“Ah Mean It”

“Al Hirt Ann-Margret Real Bad”

“First Al Punch Hir”

“Then Al Bust Hir Knee Caps”

“And Kick Hir In The Vagina”

 ”Nothin’ Personal, Ah Just Got A Bad Temper”

“Not Like My Brother, Don”

“Don Hirt Nobody”

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“Dance Before The Police Come!”-Shut Up And Dance

Track Listing

“Hurry, Before The Cops Get Here!”

“If They See Us Dancing They’ll Arrest Us”

“And Charge Us With Possession Of Rhythm”

“And Cutting Up A Rug”

“We’ll Get A Life Sentence With No Chance Of Parole”

“Your Son Will Never Know His Father”

“And I Won’t Graduate From The Career Institute With An Exciting Career That Can Be Performed at Home or In An Office”

“Uh, Oh! Here They Come!”

“Quick, Pretend Like You Got No Rhythm”

“No, I’m Sure The Giant Machetes Are Fine…”

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The Many Moods Of Ethel Smith

Track Listing

Relaxed

Giddy

Flirty

Confident

Horny

Blurry

Confused

Totally Shitfaced

Kinda Nauseous

But Still Really Horny

Is “Stevie Wonder” A Mood?

Your Mom

Eleventeen

Where Am I?


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“Histoires De Neige” – Claude Vanony

Track Listing

“Sacre Bleu!”

Vous-Avez Un Oopsie Daisy?”

“Mal Neige! Mal Neige!”

“Je Vais Kiss Le Owie Au Revoir”

“Celine Dion Vendredi Salle De Bain”

“Pepe Le Pew French Canadian Anthem Poisson”

“Ah, Okay…Tres Bien!”

“So Anyway, While Vous-Etes Down There…”

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