Billboard’s (Not So) Greatest Hits





“I Hate Mondays”

I’m Not Over-Weight, I’m Under Tall”

“Do I Look Like I Care?”

“Some People Have Gas Attacks, I Have Nap Attacks”

“Diet” is ‘Die’ With A ‘T'”

“Once Again I’m Saved By The Miracle Of…Lasagna!”

“I Think I’m Going To Blow Cat Chow Chunks”






“Wing Sings AC/DC” -Wing

Track Listing

“Suffer The Thunder Strike”

“You Vibrated Me For All The Night”

“Blasting Explosive”

“Highway To The Place Of Torment”

“Dirty Behavior Is Inexpensive”

“Money Conversation”

“Regarding Those Going To Rock, Greetings!”





“16 Most Requested Songs” -Englebert Humperdinck


“Stairway To Heaven” (Instrumental Version)

“Pachelbel’s Canon in D Minor”

“The Theme From Jeopardy”

“The Quiet Song”

“One That You Can Sing Telepathically”

“That Song I Always Hear In The Elevator When I’m Going To Work”

“Anything But Englebert Humperdinck”





“What Color Is Love” -Terry Callier


“What Color Is Love?”

“Does Anybody Really Know?”

“Maybe it’s The Same Color As ‘Like’, But More Intense”

“And It’s Covered In Glitter”

“Only You Can’t Actually See The Glitter Because Love Lives Far, Far Away”

“In A Land Called Honah Lee”

“With A Magic Dragon….And A Blurry Unicorn”

“The Same Blurry Unicorn That Took My Clothes”

“So, Really, The Glitter Is Pointless”

“*takes drag from cigarette*”  (Extended Version)

“What Color Is Honah Lee?”





“Square Root Of Nine” -Whoever these guys are





  1. My favorite is the Humperdinck album. There’s just something about the Jeopardy theme that gets me every time.

  2. Freakin’ brilliant as usual.

    “Dirty Deeds Done fo flied lice.”

    “It’s a Wong Way to the Top (If You Wanna Lock ‘n’ Loll)”

  3. lol, b! I could really use a little of Garfield’s “I Hate Mondays” this morning…but I don’t have any stilts handy, so I’m not sure it would sound quite as good as it could if I were at least 3 feet off the ground.

    Bravo to “Square Root of Nine” for keeping things simple :)

    • I’m all over simple, Talon. Believe it or not, that was actually my childhood nickname. I remember going to my friends’ birthday parties and their parents would come up to me and say, “Oh, you must be the simple girl my daughter was talking about! IT IS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU!!!”

      Memories…really, who can forget them?

  4. Garfield:
    “Stepladder to heaven”
    “Back ground fallen”
    “Get closer so I know it’s me”
    “Photo’s from the floor”

    “Two wing’s don’t make a wight”
    “Tunnels of love under foot”
    “Green Tracers in the night”
    “Rockets and moon light”

    “I want a new shirt”
    “Does my nose look big”
    “This wig keeps a fallen”
    “All I want is my left ear back”

    Terry Callier:
    “Playing strip poker till dawn”
    “LSD is on my mind”
    “What will a girl do for a cover photo or two”
    “In this chair I huddle in fear”

    Square root of Nine:
    “Counting square roots on the wall”
    “Where has half of one guy gone”
    “Polka around the clock”
    “Drink another beer for me get a hair due for three”

    • Haha! You’ve outdone yourself once again, desk49.

      I especially like “Two wing’s don’t make a wight”, Englebert’s entire album (you just don’t realize how important your left ear really is until you lose it), and…well, actually, I like them all.

      Believe it or not (really, you have no choice), since my Dad only ever owned one cassette tape, I spent my entire childhood listening to the Statler Brothers. It got to the point where, while the other girls in my class would be singing Madonna songs, I’d be singing about smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.

  5. Where is the george takei greatest hits…you cant find those anywhere……i am also looking for the ronald reagan/lee iaccocca duets……but there are some dam fine choices here….zman sends

  6. When the heck did I introduce you to Wing?? My memory is fading.

    Don’t forget Terry’s other song. “Who cares what color love is…when you are naked.”

    • Since when do cariacatures have memories?

      Trust me, I never forget a giver. Well, okay, that’s not true. (It depends on what they gave me and/or whether or not I was drunk at the time.)

  7. I love when you do this. ““*takes drag from cigarette*” (Extended Version)” is killer. @Bearman, you’re killing me too!

  8. Hey, I like the “under tall” thing.

    And that nekkid girl on the chair. Ew.

    I didn’t know we had to do Algebra on here, b, or I wouldn’t have dropped by on this thread?! :-(

    Sorry, I had to hurriedly flip through most of them, and this was *after* I’d taken some Tums. Gaw. Can you *find* any funkier albums/lyrics? LOL!

    Okay, b, well done. Now I have to retrace my steps to find where my vertigo disengaged :-D.

    • Ha!

      Sorry to hear about your vertigo, TSIB. Tell it not to worry about the disengagement, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.


      (ps. I think I need to up my caffeine intake, today my jokes are scaring even me.)

  9. “I’m Not Over-Weight, I’m Under Tall” – HILARIOUS.

    And everything on “What Color Is Love” is great. What is she wearing on that album cover – a little bit of fur and a sun tan? Two can play at that game.

    • Make that three…

      Maybe we could play Oreo cookie. I call “delicious white stuff” in the center! (But only because my eye-blinding pastiness prevents me from the other option.)

  10. Wing is my fav!

    I don’t know what the color of love is, but if you take a whiff of the arm on her chair, you may know the smell of love. Best buy some Febreeze.

  11. Oh man, that pic of Terry Callier just made me toss my breakfast this morning.

    On a serious note, it’s amazing that you keep finding actual music acts that came out with actual music.

    Even though I don’t comment a lot, your blog is still a fantastic read.

    • G!

      I thought guys liked the strung-out look?

      The internet is a wonderful thing. In a horrific, gauge-my-eyes-out-with-a-melon-baller sort of way…

      It’s ggod to see you, G!

  12. Just when I thought Garfield couldn’t suck any harder or get any creepier you do this to me. I’m pissed too because I paid that Rat from Pearls Before Swine to wack the fat pussy out. Little did I know that there was another, even suckier, creepier Garfield. I wonder if Rat would take this contract?

    I don’t really have anything to say about Wing being AC/DC, that’s obvious because she looks butch, or Engelbert, other than I thought he was made up until now… and I’m still not positive he’s not. I don’t even have anything to say about the trio who seem to have mastered 5th grade math.
    I do however want to talk about Terry Callier. I can’t figure out why her nakedness should be so repulsive. Her face looks kind of sexy. Her skin tone is probably flawless in real life… so why does her body remind me so much of ET? You know, when he was like, dying??

    • HA! This comment deserves its own post, Scott. Or, better yet, its own blockbuster movie, Directed by Steven Spielberg and featuring Reese’s Pieces, the peanut butter candy in a crunchy shell that nobody eats anymore because really, they taste like shit.

      Come to think of it, maybe that’s why she looks so ill…?

    • Hahaha! I can’t believe I never saw this before. (I must have been too busy trying to re-create Martin Short’s synchronized swimming routine.)

      Thank-you, Dan. Because of you, I now have a new wedding song.

  13. frigginloon says:

    Wasn’t “What’s the color of love” Obama’s erection (whoops I mean election) slogan?

  14. I heart math! ‘Three’ has won my heart.

    But really, it belongs to you, Bschooled. *smooch*

  15. Paul McCartney will look back at his music career one day and he’ll regret he couldn’t keep “Paul McCartney and Wing” together.

  16. The answer to two of those: off white.

    Just not after Labor Day (Labour Day).

  17. Its uncanny just how many ‘bonus’ tracks I have from the wonderful albums you unearth. I highly recommend that you seek out “When it comes to Pants, How High is Too High?” by Garfield and “The Sound of Silence” by Englebert Humperdinck….

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