John Wayne Pick-up Lines



-Girl, you look  fine as cream gravy

-Your bloomers would look great on my bedroom floor

-No, as a matter of fact that’s not a pistol in my pocket.

-What’s say we get you out of that wet bib and tucker?

-You make me hotter than a whorehouse on nickel night

-Word around the gospel mill is you like it up the spout

-Let’s you and me take French leave and ride shank’s mare over to my place

-I’ll show you my curly wolf if you show me yours…




  1. Sorry, Bschooled, but “Word Around the Gospel Mill is You like it up the Spout” isn’t a pick up line, it’s a song from the musical “Hey! Watch out for that Stagecoach.”

    It’s a great old musical comedy and I think the fine Marion Morrison (aka John Wayne) may have gotten his start playing the role of “Woody, the baggage handler.” (That might explain why the phrase is associated with him.)

    If I can remember the lyrics to gospel mill I’ll let you know.

    I seem to recall:

    “she is somewhat short and stout but she likes it up the spout”

    or maybe it was

    “In times or trouble or self doubt, you can take it up the spout”

    I’m not really sure. But it was damned funny and inspirational too.

    All the best,


    • bschooled. You too damn funny.

      Don, I can help. “Hey! Watch out for that Stagecoach” is one of my favourite movies.

      The lyrics were…

      She is somewhat short and stout
      But she likes it up the spout
      And wouldn’t you know, and lucky for her
      She’s just met Woody, the baggage handler

      He’ll handle her bags and so much more
      And treat right, like a nickel bought whore
      He’ll get out his wet bib and he’ll tucker
      And then Woody will, well, he’ll fuck her

      In times or trouble or self doubt
      You can take it up the spout
      You might not have money or any food
      But you can always get some damn good wood

      • Alan, I must say, you are a man of wit. Wit-man if you will. Kind of like a Superhero, but without a lightsaber, or whatever it is Superheroes use to fight Non-Superheros these days.
        I shall call now refer to you as WIT-MAN, the hybrid Superhero.

        And I’m relieved to know that even in the days of the Wild West, those folks were keen enough to know the impact dropping an occasional, yet well placed F-bomb could have on audience response.

    • Don,

      I was unable to process much of what you just wrote, but because it was explained in such an old-school and to the point manner I have no choice but to respect it. Although I must admit I would be horribly offended if I was approached with that first line…referring to me as short and stout would not get a man into these pantaloons.

      The second one would be fine, however.

      Regardless, you and I are kindred spirits, Don. I know this for a fact because I wikipedia’d the term “kindred spirits”, and it was like I was wikipedia’ing (is that a word?) our connection.

      “Connection” in the loose, ill-fitting as a pair of oversized knickers sense of the word, of course. But connection nonetheless.

  2. I’m pretty sure it was John Wayne who said, “Come on darling, shuck those panties and let’s do this thing.”

  3. LOSTL! Those are so rude! IT MADE ME BLUSH!

    My mum would have a fit if she knew i was reading it! LOSTL!


    • Well Hello there Bob,

      Thanks for stopping by. I must admit, when I first read your comment I was a little shaken up. I thought you were trying to tell me you were lost, so I was going to call 1-800-Child Find (1-800-CHI-LDFI).

      But then I thought to myself, If a child or special needs young adult goes missing, aren’t the parents the ones that should be looking and not the other way around? I then noticed your hair and…well, let’s just say I figured there was probably a good reason and I shouldn’t stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong.

      I did check out your blob though, and am relieved to know you aren’t actually lost. I am also extremely fascinated with what you have going on with this Sophie girl, which says a lot about my life right now.

      Anyway, thanks for stopping by, Bob, hope to see you again,


      • LOSTL! Im not lost. At least, i dont think i am! Im here, of course!

        Sophie was a blind date, and according to her and my friend Sarah, once only. She didnt respond well to food in my braces and hair. Who would have thought?

        And ill be sure to come past and tell all my friends as well!


    • Yay! Bob Trusty is here!

  4. just once i want someone to tell me that i look like fine as cream gravy!! now that would be a funny pick up line, but the gal would have to really have a strange sense of humor in order for that to be effective..

  5. I bet the Duke would have had a hell of a crop of “deal closers” too.

    How about:

    “Listen here, little pilgrim. I got a meetin’ over that there mound with a man in a canoe and I got a feelin’ I’m a gonna have to give him one hell of a tongue lashin’ to get what I want.”


    “What say I saddle up my big ol’ Clydesdale and take a long slow ride through that there great divide and see if I can’t find that darn little piece of heaven you been a pinin’ for.”

    Social Studies is not my only interest, I like imaginification, too.

  6. Up the spout? haha. I think John Wayne actually said ” How about some funky cold moonshine-medina”

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