Billboard’s Greatest Hits



“Janet Greene Sings Fascist Threat And Commie Lies”


“Fascist Threat”

“Commie Lies”





“I Won’t Be Back For More” -McKinley Mitchell

Track Listing

“I Won’t Be Back For More”

“No, This Time I Mean It”

“Thirteen Helpings Is Enough”

“To Be Fair, It Is An All-You-Can-Eat”

“Okay, One More Piece Of Pie”

“…And Throw In Some Gravy”

“Thank God I Ain’t Wearing Pants”




“Back To The Seat” -Millie Jackson


“Takin’ Care Of Business”

“Brown-Eyed Girl”

“Hurts So Good”

“Free Fallin'”

“Thunder Load”

“I Never Promised You A Rose Garden”

“Comfortably Numb”




“Warmer” -Randy VanWarmer




“Getting Warmer”

“Yowza! You’re On Fire!”

“Oh, Wait…”

“Now You’re Getting Colder”


“Really Cold…”

“Hey! Where You Going?”





“Sex…Should We Wait?” -Dr. And Mrs. Something


“Should We Wait?”

“You Think They’ll Hear Us?”

“I Thought You Said They Were Going Out”

“What if We Just Turn Up The TV?”

“Or I Can Make Coughing Sounds”

“If You Weren’t So Damn Loud, This Wouldn’t Be An Issue”




  1. All I can say is I nearly snorted my coffee all over the screen. I really need to stop drinking when coming to your blog, b. Perfect post for a Friday!

    I wonder – is it just co-incidence that Millie has her constipated face on?

  2. I must commend you for your excellent taste in music. I especially love Millie Jackson’s “Thunder Load.”

  3. Could you add some sort of “order this item” button under each album. I just really think these would make the perfect holiday gifts for teachers, priests, mothers and young children.


  4. Is Millie related to Michael, and perhaps reacting to his most recent facelift before cutting the album? Sweet Jesus, B! Just when I think it’s weird enough . . .

  5. Every time you do these i end up hitting google. Or the books, like Is the Rectum a Grave and by gosh it is true someone wrote it!
    So I found Janet Greene’s songs. Please remember that ” a comrade’s lot is not a happy one.”

    • Haha! I love that you Google this stuff. And the review of “Comrade’s Lament” kills me-

      “The strange opening lines about Joe Stalin being “the son of all our glory…” are offset by the gentility of the music and the following lyrical rejoinder “…but now they tell us he was vile and gory, vile and gory.”

  6. Janet Greene Sings Fascist Threat And Commie Lies

    “Why, you’re red all over!”

    “I get that alot.”

    “It’s my Dirty Little Secret.”

    Sex…Should We Wait?” -Dr. And Mrs. Something

    “She gave everything she had to the boy, who changed his mind, and we both cried.”

  7. Janet Greene sings:
    “I lost my blouse on Broadway”
    “A little bitsy spider hang over me”
    “I need a curry brushing, My bangs are to thin”
    “This wig keeps on falling”

    McKinley Mitchell sings:
    “Smoke smoke keeps getting in my hair:
    “I’m higher then my left eye”
    “Where ho where did my other arm go”
    “I got no home I got no car, pass me that Mason jar”

    Millie Jackson sings:
    “Where has all the tampons gone”
    “Counting splatters on the wall”
    “Hold my hand smell my shoe, what more can I do for you”
    “And the baby went down, down, down, through the ring on fire”

    Randy Van Warmer sing
    “Step Mom don’t take your love to town”
    “Have you seen my Johnson it’s coming out for you”
    “Where has all the virgins gone, you’re not one”
    “Babysitter in the night the wife is working”

    Dr. sings:
    “Another shot of ether and she’ll never even know”
    “X-rays in the night till she is glowing”
    “Stroke, stroke, stroke, your local vet”
    “Some where after the E.K.G., the bill will be high”

    • Hahahaha! Yet another “tour de force”, desk49.

      I can’t even pick a favorite this time, though Millie and the Dr. Sings albums do touch me in ways I can’t put into words. (If only I could type out facial expressions.)

      You’ve inspired me. I’m off to write the lyrics for “Where have all the Tampons Gone…” (between you and me, I think I know the answer.)

  8. I’m trying to think of a song title which fits the expression on Millie Jackson’s face. “Better than sex”? “Birth of a suppository”?

  9. lol, that back to the seat one is brilliant

  10. Hahahaha (yeah, that’s 4).

    Bonus track on Millie Jackson:
    Whoa, that wing of the house is now closed

    Bonus track on “Sex…Should we wait?”
    I Promise to Pull Out (Extended Dance Mix by dJ Fj)

  11. Oh milly…I wonder if that is where Jenny McCarthy got her idea for a toilet shot…

  12. Millie’s album is classic.

    You forgot a few
    “Eww that smell”
    “Smokin in the boys room”
    “I sniff my shoe to block out my smelly shit”
    and of course remakes of brother michaels songs: “Beat it”, “DIRTY Diana”, “Leave me Alone” and “Shake your body”

    And don’t forget Randy’s most famous song
    “No I am not FU#^ing Harold Ramos, I’m Randy”

  13. Millie Jackson has the colonoscopy blues.
    Hmm, didn’t McKinley Mitchell use to date Millie Jackson?

  14. I love that Janet Greene is a pretty straight-shooter. You know you’re gonna be accused Crucible-style of communism. That kind of consistency is refreshing.

    Millie Jackson’s “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.” DYING LAUGHING.

    Everything on “Sex – Should We Wait” is awesome. Is that seriously an album? Denny D. is all over that album – you should post that on his Facebook immediately.

  15. It’s a pity that “Splish Splash” is only available as bonus material on Millie Jackson’s DVD.

  16. Believe it or not I found a few additional tracks! (I know, right?)

    Janet Green

    “Die Pinko Die”
    “Somebody please help me! Joseph McCarthy has a machete to my throat and if 7 communist sympathizers don’t turn themselves in today he’s going to cut my head off. Please help me.”

    McKinley Mitchell

    “For $7.99 this is a great bargain!”
    “Hey, hey you’re out of spare ribs. Get the spare rib lady to come out. I just need 2 more. Hey, tell her to bring the sauce with her, ain’t enough sauce on em.”

    Angry, Drunk Black Lady

    “You said you was going to use a condom Teddy!”
    “I swear to almighty God, you payin for it if I got to go to the clinic.”
    “Hand me that towel.”

    Napoleon Dynamite

    “It’s not you, it’s me.”
    “I don’t know what happened.”
    “Maybe it’s this medication I’m on.”
    “Maybe if you lick it while I play with your boobs?”
    “No? Damn. Sorry.”

    • No joke, Scott. Angry, Drunk Black Lady warmed the cockles of my heart. l only wish my family wasn’t always so adamant about playing Boney M at Christmas.

      Unfortunately, while I sympathize with Napoleon, I just can’t relate to his album. (Not to brag or anything.)

  17. HAHAHAH this is the fucking best thing I’ve seen since…since….uh, this:

  18. Fucking. Creative. Genius. That’s what you are bschooled. The Millie Jackson one was fantastic; guffaws I tell you, guffaws.

  19. that millie jackson is a man. you can tell by the way she/he sits on the toilet. no self respecting gal would ever sit like that!

  20. Millie Jackson. That’s all I have to say. Sums it up perfectly.

  21. I find Millie Jackson’s photo shot very inspiring. In fact, we are long over due for a family portrait and, thanks to Millie, I now have the great idea of waiting until one of us gets a serious case of the runs and calls the rest of us in to gather around the toilet bowl and strike a pose

    • Ha! You know what would be even more brilliant? If you were posing on the toilet, your son was lying on the bearskin bathroom mat and your husband was nonchalantly hovering over the bidet in the corner, flipping through the latest issue of Reader’s Digest!!



      Sorry, Ruby…sometimes my passion for photography gets the best of me.

  22. B. This is all sorts of funny. Thanks for the chuckles.

  23. That’s ridiculous–everyone knows that girls don’t poop.

  24. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I would have pegged Millie Jackson as a Layla or a Runaround Sue (laying Brown Sugar Over Troubled Water while humming Who’ll Stop the Rain and Blowin’ in the Wind). Hold on, who’s that I hear? McKinley Mitchell and Hold on, Im’A Comin! You know I love bathroom humor, bschooled.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: