Riddle me this…

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This time, while visiting my Riddle-inclined Facebook “friends”, I share a few thought-provoking riddles of my own.

*For part one of the Facebook Riddles Trilogy that probably won’t end up being a trilogy because I’m pretty sure they’ve caught on to me, click here

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Comments

  1. I think Alexandria has it wrong…The answer was YOUR SISTER again.

  2. uka woime ahgt usam dioe, b!

    I am a yo-mama and I have thick glasses and I’m getting out a map right now. It will be so much easier when the people on the map show me the right directions (but they can keep their germs to themselves!).

    • gwle tjowgvn w 4goegh! (LOL!)

      Can you see me holding back the germs on my germs on my hand that’s waving at you all the way from the other side of Canada, T? Because if not, your glasses aren’t really that thick.

      Just sayin’.

  3. these made my head, and penis, hurt

  4. Riddles Riddles
    Q. Why do teens like to be on facebook?
    A. IQ are the same, below 5.

    Riddles Riddles
    Q. Why can a teen work an ipod but can’t look up how to spell a word in the Dictionary?
    A. They can’t find the on button.

    Riddles Riddles
    Q. Who sing? Let it flow Let it flow Let it flow.
    Millie Jackson

    Riddles Riddles
    Q. Why do teens not understand the last riddle?
    A. Because they cannot spell blog without a Dictionary and they still cannot find the on button

    • Haha! I hope you’ll consider signing up for Facebook one day, desk49. Together, we could take these illiterate riddlers to school!

      (Correspondence only, of course.)

  5. Yo mommas glasses are so thick, she cant lift her head because it crushed her skull in a horrific accident and any movement will forcibly kill her completely, rather than just mild brain damage.

    too far? I should be trollin’ with you, B ;)

    -Rick

    • Ha! I think you mean “not far enough”…

      Troll with me, Rick. (Trust me, it only hurts the first time.)

      • baby, im old school troll.

        I troll to make people cry about their daddy issues which is why they cant relate to modern men and how their unrealistic notions of romance are only going to serve them in finding the best place for a catsitter throughout their 30s and 40s.

        Childsplay ;)

        -Rick

  6. Yo mommas glasses are so thick she can see the germs in this blog.

    I hate riddles that start with “Bulikata.” They’re never told correctly.

    I had a poopie that was brown. It had a body, but no head or tail. Maybe we can surgically implant a head and a tail.

    • I know, right! If you’re going to tell a “Bulikata” joke, you have to do it in person, at least. If you don’t have the accompanying hand gestures, what’s the point?

      How about if you do the surgery, and I’ll make sure the pics get posted on Facebook. Only because thanks to Millie Jackson, right now I’m totally turned off feces-related art.

      (Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s just a phase.)

  7. B, This stuff makes me want to end my Facebook Boycott. There is just so much gold there it’s almost sick.
    More Dr. Quinn stuff, please!!

  8. Next to your Iron chef series this is my favourite

    • Thanks, Nursie. Whenever I start feeling like a creepy Facebook stalker (which happens more often than I like to admit), it’s comments like these that give me the will to carry on.

      Oh, I guess being a professional creepy Facebook stalker helps, too.

  9. Yo momma’s glasses so thick, Coke bottles be jealous.

  10. Here’s where I go all Richardvilleian and LMAO for no apparent reason.

    “I only know because my parents r into steampunk.”

    LOLOLOLOLOLLLLLL!!!!!!

    That makes absolutely no sense and yet is absolutely the best rationale ever offered. I may use that all the time for everything. I may abbreviate it to fit certain situations. For instance, I fix some sort of computer glitch for a coworker. As they murmur in contained amazement, I’ll just tap the side of my head and thoughtfully say, “Steampunk.” Or maybe kiss a cross I wear around my neck and point briefly to the heavens and say softly, “Steampunk. Forever.”

    Consider Facebook conquered. I’ll still tag along for your victory stroll but the game is muthafuckin ovah.

    • Gracias, Más Doméstico de León Capitalista. That’s how you say your name in Spanish (according to Babelfish, another site that makes me LMAO for no apparent reason.)

      I’m going to do the same thing. But only because I like the way “Punky del Vapor” rolls off my tongue.

      (Oh, that Babelfish!)

  11. Bschooled, I’m shocked that you are, like, an envelope racist. My family happens to come from a long line of paper, and I can’t help but feel a little offended…..

  12. That was friggin funny Bschooled. People just “ha ha” at anything :)

  13. Motherfucker…Denny laughed at that, which didn’t allow me to sneak out of the Craftmatic bed of Waukesha, WI crossing guard emeritus Doris Dantley. The demi-mummy awoke and demanded another round of horizontal Lambada with the Danceman.

  14. “Why didn’t she just say that?”

    So funny. I laughed hard at this one – just thinking of some doucher girl walking into the hospital asking for her father’s brother’s daughter’s cousin. I laughed as a I typed that. Too god.

    And the “My sister” one – too good. Unless your aunt’s sister’s niece’s cousin would be upset by that. Then it’s just plain messed up.

  15. I really admire Angeli and Cipher for getting into your sister act. I think you should invite them to a party, possibly in honour of your sister.

  16. Wait. It would have to be a tissue with rocks in it, right? Because who’s going to throw a tissue in the ocean and wait till the dryness breaks? These are tough. Sudoku is starting to look good.

  17. What’s black and white . . . and black and white and brown . . .

    Is it a nun that shit her pants because she saw Kevin’s penis and now wants to become a priest?

  18. I really hate the internet but I enjoy the good work you are doing for it.

    Keep fighting that good fight.

    I love you.

  19. You are ridiculously talented at this. I don’t mean making the ignorant look foolish either, I mean solving the great riddles of man. Sorry to do this to you but I’ve tried to figure these out myself but I accidentally put myself in a coma. I think you may be the only person on earth who can solve these. You are the master!

    Is the mind an appendage of the brain, or a child?

    Can you hold onto emptiness?

    What is the essence of Zen?

    I hope you have better luck than I did.

    • I can answer your questions myself, Scott. Remember, I’m a professional.

      1) Is the mind an appendage of the brain, or a child?
      -The real question is whether or not the child has a mind-like appendage in his brain. Once you figure that out, you’ll have your answer.

      Can you hold onto emptiness?
      -Only if it’s in a durable container. Or a Ziploc bag.

      What is the essence of Zen?
      -Chuck Norris.

      I hope you have better luck than I did.
      -Depends.

      Don’t bother thanking me. I’m just doing my job. (Which reminds me, I’ll mail out an invoice next week.)

      • God damn, you really are the master!!

        I lay prostrate at your feet. (Only because I took to much valium.)

        • For a minute there I thought you typed “prostate”.

          I was like Huh? Dude, I don’t know what you’re on, but if you’re laying prostates at people’s feet I’m pretty sure it ain’t Valium!

          And yes. I was impersonating Chris Rock at the time. (Don’t judge.)

  20. Your sister sounds hot. Does she have a sister?

  21. You should turn these adventures into a book. Your hilarity completes me.

  22. Hahahaha…Happy Thanksgiving!

    • Thanks, Amie. I actually had my Thanksgiving back in October, but because most of our television channels are American,
      I felt like I got to relive it again. (Only this time I didn’t have to bother with the “self-induced vomiting after dinner” part.)

      Hope you had a great Thanksgiving as well!

  23. I guess I like those riddles a little more than Mafia Wars updates. “Bill just got a new gun.” Yeah, Dr. Ken could give a fiddler’s fuck.

    • It could be worse. You could have half your friends list (and your mother) addicted to online farming.

      “Bill could really use your help carrying these bricks uphill both ways in Manual Laborville….”

  24. HAHAHAHAHAH! I just made my husband and daughter read all of these. Well, Cal didn’t read the 6 inches long riddle, but most of ’em.

    You are freaking brilliant. And a trouble maker. A big, big troublemaker.

    Yo, thanks for commenting for charity!

    • and by commenting for charity, i meant RT’ing on Twitter. Sorry, turkey made my brain so mush.

      • How did I miss this/these comment/s?

        Honestly, Elizabeth, hearing that you and your husband and daughter all read this post together made my day. I think it goes without saying that if other families were to do the same, the divorce rate would drop dramatically.

        ps. I knew what you meant. We’re sisters, remember?

  25. Riddle me this, Bschooled!

    A man walks into a donkey but doesn’t ask for any money. How does the goat find his airline ticket?

    I know, huh? I got a million more where that came from, but let’s face it, we don’t wanna ever go there . . . plus, I just wanted to type “Riddle me this”?” because the Riddler used to constantly taunt Batman with it.

    You are brilliant at this FB game, finding humor in people who probably don’t have a real good sense of humor to begin with. Thanks for a great laugh and poke at the sordid FB underside!

    • Your joke hurt my head, but it was a good kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that makes me obsessed with trying to come up with an acceptable yet original answer.

      When you say you have a million more, are they yours? Because if so, you should stick those gems in a book. I’m not kidding, us Canadians love that shit!

  26. Lol, these are brilliant.
    The answer to your black and white, black and white is a penguin rolling down a snow capped hill.

    • Ha! Thanks, Art.

      As you could probably tell by the way I didn’t give an answer that I didn’t actually have one.

      But now I can rest easy knowing that the next time I tell that joke I’ll be prepared.:)

  27. That was awesome! Hilarious! I wanna join.

  28. this is nonsense…….

  29. The 32 year old man is either a lier or a time traveler right?

    • The jury is still out (it usually takes them a few months to post the answer), but I think it’s he’s probably a time traveler. (Only because that’s the answer he gave for seven of his other riddles.)

Trackbacks

  1. […] months being pretty much ostracized by the Facebook “Riddle Riddle” group (see here and here ), you can imagine my surprise when I logged in and found this message posted on my wall: […]

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