It’s always Sonny in Port Charles.

It’s happened to all of us.

You’re trolling Facebook just minding everyone else’s business, when suddenly, the electromagnetic emissions come shooting out of computer monitor, causing you to fall into a deep hypnotic trance.

When you finally regain consciousness, not only have you lost three hours of your life,  you’re now an active member of a Facebook page dedicated to a soap opera you don’t even watch.

*Certain comments were edited out because of length and/or violent content.

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**’Thanks For Coming Out’ Award

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On the next General Hospital-related post: Team D and B must resort to violence in order to convince  the naysayers that Brenda and Sonny’s love is the real deal.


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Comments

  1. what did we ever do without the ability to cyber-stalk?

    ugh. this just saves so much money on gas. Good, for the tough economic times.

  2. The last time I watched General Hospital, Demi Moore and John Stamos were on the cast. I don’t know if Carly or Brenda is the bitch, but I bet the bitch is a Quartermaine.

    • The last time I watch the show they were still using leaches to bleed people.

      • Ha! And Dr. Quinn played Brenda…

        • elizabeth3hersh says:

          I, too, last saw the show when Demi Moore made her debut. As I recall, they were somewhere between trepanning and leaching. Oh, and Monica Quartermaine? I would have gone gay for her if I wasn’t already a gay man trapped in a heterosexual woman’s body (does that even make sense B?).

          • Of course it makes sense, Elizabeth!

            I remember watching it when Ricky Martin was on. I would have totally gone gay for him if, like you, I wasn’t already a gay man trapped in a heterosexual woman’s body. (Er, does that make sense?)

            *On a side note, someone is stealing my comment replies. I swear I answered this earlier, but I can’t find it anywhere…? (WordPress hates me.)

    • Ha! I only wish there were more GH fan club members like you, Ahmnodt.
      Even though you haven’t watched the show since Demi was just a puma, your insight (and impeccable grammar) would benefit us greatly.

  3. Bschooled is this show in the USA or is it one of them over the sea shows.

    I think Brends is one hot chick. Then I never meet her but any woman that has done half the town I’d love to meet her.

    Why do they pick on the whore’s at least there going down looking for work. (Should I have used a different word then {down})?

    Is this like a VD clinic or a HIV one> I have picked up a lot of dates just standing outside the front doors of them. They’re not always cheap dates but a man has to do what a man has the money to do. (I don’t think it goes like that but close enough.)

    Bschooled you keep me informed, my last girl friend (I called her that, then I called her a lot of things.) left me on some three and you’re out laws. I was told she could get out when she would own her own pine box. From what I hear, they don’t make very much money so it might be a while.

    • Haha! Oh, desk49, if only every man was as honest as you.

      This woman doesn’t sound like she was good enough for you anyway. You need a sugar momma, someone to support you while you and I collaborate on your sure-to-be-a-bestselling novel, titled “Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places.” (I’ll be in charge of creating the accompanying prophylactic sculptures.)

  4. I see you’re managing to stay warm, b, heating up the General Hospital scene :)

  5. B, you need to do another of these quick, or IMA GO MENTAL!

  6. I would like to make a bid at wresting the coveted TFCO award from Sam’s lazy and noncommittal grip.

    Obviously, I won’t be making much of an effort lest I tarnish the good name of the TFCO award like so much grandma’s pre-war silverware tossed carelessly into the pool.

    (Look: kids at that age are just inquisitive. They want to know what floats and what doesn’t. It’s just curiosity.

    [Speaking of which, sorry about your cat. Apparently it will float momentarily but not without a hellacious fight, the efforts of which apparently left it too tired to escape the pool and it soon joined a large quantity of “irreplaceable” silverware at the bottom of the deep end.

    Oh, your missing cellphone is there as well. I thought your car keys were there as well, but I can’t seem to find them now.]

    As I was saying before this “misunderstanding” (and “acrimonious slurs”) derailed my thought process, I’d like to take a stab at claiming the TFCO. My submission follows:

    Interesting.

    • Congratulations, CLT! You win!

      Please choose from the following prizes:

      -Tori Spelling’s Book “sTori Telling”
      -Tori Spelling’s Book “Mommywood”
      -Brooke Shield’s infamous quote, “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
      -Tori Spelling

      Let me know what you decide. *All prizes come with an autographed poster of Tori Spelling*

  7. shuttupjerk says:

    Did you ever find that number for 911?

    Oh b, if only we got General Hospital here in Australia. Im told we did once, back in the 90s, but being that i was in high school for a large chunk of that, i was probably watching the love boat instead.

    that captain stubing. he’s a playah in those high socks.

    -Rick

    • No, Rick. Sadly, I never found the number. I’d ask you, but it’s probably different in Australia.

      Captain Stubing…I think I have my next social experiment.

      • shuttupjerk says:

        … IVE CREATED A MONSTER!

        I can also sing the entire lyrics to the loveboat theme song. Ill belt it out at kareoke one day.

        The number for 911 in Australia is 000. Much easier to remember. I think.

        -Rick

  8. I like the sound of the Brenda cult that you and Demetria are into. I’m trying to think of a good ending to the sentence: “Brenda is so hot that…….”

  9. I want to be Demetria’s friend. And Lois’ too. Can you set us up for a coffee date? I hope she doesn’t scawn me

  10. I was reading all these posts wondering when someone would actually respond to you. Leave it to Demetria.

  11. If I were to decide who gets who, I’d say both. Brenda and skank ho carly realized their mutual love for Sonny would drive them both like MENTAL, so they decide they’d all love each other and move to a remote part of Utah, where, in between menages, they get into the exciting and lucrative world of goat cheese farming and amateur porn distribution.
    It would have been a beautiful life had it all planned out. Only taking what they could carry, they snuck off into the night.
    Driving through the darkness in Sonny’s Benz, the three are popping benzos and passing around the endo, youth’s joys are at its peak. Unfortunately, though, Sonny doesn’t hold his hemp and Xanex too well and in his stupor the car breaks through a railing as he rounds a sharp curve. Conveniently for the plot, but not so lucky for our star-crossed threesome, they plummet to their deaths 1187 feet into a ravine. But not before this heartrending dialogue takes place as they fall in slow motion.
    “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, we’re all gonna die!” cries Carly the skank ho.
    “Ooooooooooooooooooooooooobviously! laments Brenda. “Weeeeerrre falllinggggggggggg! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
    “Uhh come again?” mumbles Sonny.
    “Sonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny, you’re the love of my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” yells Carly the skank.
    “Back at’cha,” Sonny is almost asleep anyway.
    “Brendaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    “What Carlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”
    “You’re the other love of my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
    “Carlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you’re the love of my life sinceeeeeeeeeee yesterdayyyyyyyyy!!!! Sonnnnnnnnny, you’re the love of myyyyy life toooooooooooo!”
    “Ditto,” replies Sonny.
    And then they’re all dead, but in about 4 years, they’ll somehow return to the show after the actors’ hopes and dreams are shattered by not breaking into film or prime time TV.
    Sigh, if only Sonny had let up off the gas.

    • HA!! This is brilliant, Lisa! I would post it on the GH fan group just to rile them up a bit, but I don’t think it would work. (Only because they don’t know what “lament” and/or “lucrative” mean.)

      It goes without saying that if you were one of the show’s writers, I’d never miss an episode. (Granted there would probably only be one, but still.)

      Still,

  12. Robert X. Jones says:

    I am not even sure what to think about this…maybe just “don’t know” really sums it all up.

  13. I’m not familiar with this fine show, but behind any great show is many a great fan, and I am particularly fond of the colourful feelings these fans hold for “Psycho Bitch from Hell’

    If I could write the end of today’s episode I’d go Quentin Tarantino vengeance-meets- reality TV, where we get to see all these passionate fans storm the set and stab Psycho Bitch in the eyes with their fountain pens before turning on one another in a vicious backstabbing battle for the ‘viewer Botox package’ prize…..

    Failing that, I’m totally with you on backing Sam’s idea. I have a feeling General Practice would benefit from a little more indecision

    • Ha! If only you could talk some sense into these writers, Ruby.

      Not only would Botox sales skyrocket, General Hospital would be the first soap opera to hit the big screen.

  14. I never knew that the soap opera crowd got so Biggy and Tupac. I had incorrectly assumed that the General Hospital audience would be much more dignified and soft spoken, to show respect for the hospital setting and all that.

    I’m being hypocritical though. I remember back in the day I was all thugged out 90210 style. With the teardrop tats and the Big Wheels. Literally. I sold stolen Big Wheels to kids. Anyway, I remember this kid from my hood was all like, “Kelly is such a slut.” And I got all screamy and weepy and then I shot him 7 times in the chest.

    Still, deze bitches is hardcore.

    • I don’t blame you, Scott. Kelly is so not a slut!

      Valerie, was the slut, she slept with Steve and Dylan. Like, seriously, who does that?

      I wish I lived in your neighborhood back in the day. I’ve always been a sucker for a tatted badass on big wheels.

      • elizabeth3hersh says:

        Uh oh. Does that mean if a girl slept with Steve and Dylan simultaneously, she is a slut? I’m so glad to know that all the cells in the body are replaced every seven years and I am not that girl anymore.

  15. My religion won’t let me watch soaps. Plus they don’t come on where I live.

    The # for 911? 555 I believe :-)

  16. I agree they need to get off the gas. The fumes are really starting to have an adverse effect.

  17. I love how you protect the identities of the General Hospital innocent

  18. Blahhaahaha who knew soap opera viewers were so friggin vicious?

  19. Oh my god. This is so great. “Sonny and Brenda haters.” My roomie in college used to watch General Hospital religiously, so this post actually means a lot to me because I know EVERY character (what the corinthos?!).

    It’s all hi-larious especially everything under “How would you caption today’s photo sneak peek?” and “The Father, the Man, the Bull’s Eye in Motion.”

    • Ha! “What the corinthos?!” indeed!

      Because I was raised on breast milk and Ricky Martin’s abs, I remember all of the old characters as well. That’s why I took it extra hard when I found out he was gay.

      So much time wasted.

  20. Your comment on the final post was brilliant.
    Great sense of humour

    • Thanks, Art. I only wish the Academy agreed.

      I’ve been passed over for a Daytime Emmy more times than Susan Lucci*.

      (*You probably have to be a soccer mom to understand what that means.)

  21. This really brings up a lot of emotions and I feel like I need to get myself into gear:

    A. I need to start watching GH
    B. Watching GH is not that satisfying if I can’t cut out from work to do it
    C. I don’t currently have a job, so I will need to get one
    D. Get a job
    E. Play hooky from the job to watch GH so I can know what the hell is going on above

    May i just say, you must be extremely talented because I laughed my butt off and I didn’t even really know what was going on.

    • Haha! This is a great list, Elizabeth. I hope you don’t mind if I steal it and treat it as if it were my own. Only I’ll add one more.

      F. On my way home from the job that I only got so I could play hooky to watch GH, get distracted by the shiny things in the store window, go inside, and realize two hours later that I missed GH.

      Sigh. Why is life is so complicated.

  22. You called it. Olivia is a whore’s name!

  23. “Is there a body attached to this new face?” Fantastico! You never know what can happen in Port Charles. They even took Luke back.

Trackbacks

  1. […] “Damn you, Victor Newman!!!”: bschooled talks about her experience of mysteriously becoming the president of the General Hospital fan club… sort of.  Just go check out the post so you can see what I mean. […]

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