This is why I suck at traveling


What I should be doing:



.Taking in the scenery





Indulging in the local cuisine





Renting you?










Looking for the Yankee Terrorist





Asking this guy why his chair is sitting on him





Just kidding (not really)


What I am doing:


Sitting at the internet cafe looking at pics of creepy old dudes painting each other



  1. I can’t tell if the guy in the middle has a prostate problem or that is his hand.

  2. Dr. Miguel Torres? Miguel is Spanish for Michael, right? Michael Torres? Dr. Michael Torres. Doctor My Clitoris? NO. Run, Becky. Run fast away from that place.

  3. I hope you had a great holiday Bschooled but really glad you’re back….Ben Matlock was becoming so 2010!

    • Haha! Don´t you mean 1910?

      I´m actually not back yet, despite the fact that I´m online and posting and answering comments. I´ll be back soon, though, and by then I´ll be able to comment on your (and others) blog, without it taking three hours for the page to load.

  4. Ewwww! Give a girl some warning before posting naked old guy pics.

    • Sorry, Thoughts Appear. I thought it would be better to treat it like a band-aid. The only difference being that instead of ripping it off, I´m making you blind.

  5. Me odio gynocologos. Mi vagina es mi vagina y no por ellos. But I’m glad though if I had to have one they do have a woman b/c Miguel ain’t getting near my sna….
    Hope you’re still having a good time!

  6. If you had rented the bike you could have helped that guy move his furniture…

    • Good point. But then I wouldn`t have been able to stand on the sidewalk and yell “Hey, Senor, you`ve got your chair on backwards!”

      In rusty Spanish, of course.

  7. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I bet Dr. Torres makes a mean Tom Collins! (I had a joke about alcohol pouches [à la ShotPaks ‘Party in a Pouch’], slurping and vaginal vaults, but I won’t go there). Thanks for sharing your vacation Bea!! FFFFABULOUS photos (I’m taking artistic license by trilling my fs since I couldn’t think of a word for fabulous that starts with an r)!! Hurrrry back!!

    • E!! I´ve thought of you more than once while here.

      Granted, most of those times have been while witnessing “wtf?” situations, or seeing “wtf?” items at the local market, but still. Speaking of which, I think I finally have an invention idea that will put all of our other ideas to shame. I won´t divulge too much information here, but just know that it involves cervezas, slurping and vaginal vaults. Oh,and strategically placed SPF 60 lotion. (You can never be too safe.)

  8. I found the last picture to be disturbing. I told the Bay Area Anarchists not to raise money for my campaign by body painting. This is going to hurt my campaign.

    • I think it´s all in the way you look at it, Ahmnodt. I mean, sure, the rest of us might think you´re a paintbrush stroke away from being “Punk´d” on Dateline´s “To Catch a Predator”, but just think of how many artistically-inclined geriatrics you´ll have on board!

  9. Hah! I knew it was you, Laura!

  10. Not sure if your back or not.
    But miss you not the last picture tho.

  11. They must have been so flattered you took a picture of them, Miss Bschooled. The one who’s being painted is pretending to ignore you, but you can tell he’s swelling with pride.

  12. My eyes are burning!!!! Make it stop!!!

  13. I hope that’s a fanny pack that guy is wearing!

  14. Wait… you mean browsing through creepy pics isn’t the #1 activity for vacations across all across our great world? You must be wrong about this…

  15. ok I’ve blown that last photo up and stared at it for ages. Maybe he’s a diabetic and it’s the area he injects because that does cause a swollen pouch to form over the years. Or just possibly it’s a colostomy bag, though if it is he’d better empty it soon before the contents explode.

    Very disturbing haircuts

  16. PS: thank god you’re back Missy B.

    • I`m almost back…turns out my flight was cancelled so I`m sitting in the lobby of a hotel next to the Managua airport, waiting to see if they have any rooms.

      By the way, Continental Airlines sucks balls.

  17. I am near speechless…holy shnikes…where in the moses are you visiting..while i enjoy your stories of travel…looking naked men paint each other..well lets just i will have more room for dinner….i am so happy that doesnt happen least not without a six pack..and what is a yankee terrorist…i remember when they were the closer on a hot summer day ..when we won a close one with the red sox….gosh darnit see youve done it..i hate the red sox…zman sends

    • Ha! You`re right. A six pack makes all the difference.

      I love how you can turn this disturbing post into a baseball reference, Z.

      The world needs more Z-men.

  18. Denny sees nothing creepy about those regal, musky old bears.

    Okay, perhaps three things each.

  19. looks to me like you made the best use of your time.

  20. You are soo freaking lucky B. I’m envious as hell. It should be ME photographing pervy, old, gross, white guys only to have karma come back and bite me on the ass after I eat too many mushrooms and end up stuck in their tent while they play, Bringing out the Gimp.

    At the very least it should be the two of us together getting trippy and molested.

    Seriously, I love the pics and hope you are having a blast!

    • Thanks Scott! I’m in San Fran now, which means I now have the luxury of photographing pervy, old, gross, white guys from the luxury of my hotel room window.

      Remind me next time to splurge on something a little fancier than the Travelodge. If I end up pregnant, I’m naming my child after it’s father. (aka. “Bedsheets” Schooled.)

  21. What do the people sitting next to you in the internet cafe think?

    • Ha! Good question.

      Seeing as they were both older than the guys in the photo, I think they were too busy trying to figure out “how the internet works”.

      • True story….Denny was at a Supper Club last week (that’s what they call restaurants in Wisconsin) and a octogenerian named Heddy came up to my table and asked me if I wanted anything.

        I mean, right there, Denny was propositioned in front of an entire restaurant.

        I looked at the price card and ordered the “Wheelbarrow Special.”

        But instead of carnal delights she brought me food.

        Those old bittys fall out of the mood quickly.

        • HA!

          Wait…are you sure this really happened? Because it sounds an awful lot like the 80’s porn flick “Driving Miss Daisy (Literally)”.

          Or, so I heard.

  22. I’m freaking blind!!

    • Sorry, Mel.

      Next time I’ll make sure to post a warning, something like “You must wear safety goggles in order to read this post.”

      Or, I guess I could always just refrain from posting creepy old guys.

  23. We’ve all been sucked into that trap before.

    Also, what kind of place are you vacationing at when the bikes say “Rent Me?” but the prostitutes don’t? Snore Land.

  24. Robert X. Jones says:

    Hey what’s funnier than Central American Gyno?? See you soon I hope!!

  25. Bodypainting is always a great occupation to kill some time…….

  26. that last photo is mildly disturbing

  27. Peace indeed.

  28. bahhhhhhhhhahahahahaha.

    oh, this was funny too, but i just read your life in pictures again.

    loves it.

    can you please just drink a glass of fresh squeezed juice at least? except make sure it’s in an unopened glass bottle.

  29. I don’t know how I missed seeing you, b! You really need to shout and wave when you show up because I’m getting hold and my hearing and vision are going (and now my eyes are sore because I have looked at old men painting each other!).

    Glad you’re aliving and kicking! Miss you!

    • Talon! I was thinking about you while I was away.

      Every time I saw this one kitten that hung out on the neighbor’s roof, I thought “If only Talon was here, she would turn that into a great photo.” I did take one on your behalf, but somehow it ended up looking like an overgrown rat.

      Can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to!

  30. Hey are we ever going to do it or what?

    • What do you mean? I’ve been doing it vicariously through the girls you’ve been doing it to for months now.

      I swear, those 1.46 times we shared (spread out between six women) have been the most meaningful of my second decade of the millenium.

  31. Too funny Bschooled!! Hope all is well with you !

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