Today when I logged in to Facebook, I noticed that I had received an event invitation.
Now normally I make it a point never to acknowledge that section of my homepage. Not because I’m antisocial or anything (not to brag, but in high school my nickname was “Backseat Becky”), but because that’s where the birthday announcements are and personally I find the whole birthday acknowledgment deal extremely stressful.
I always think, what happens if I don’t log in one day and I accidentally miss someone’s birthday, only they think I did it on purpose and that I’m a total bitch so they defriend me but I don’t even notice because I never see them in real life anyway?
Only one day I do see them and since we have nothing else to talk about I say something like “OMG, Wasn’t my last status update hilarious? Seriously, where do I come up with this stuff?” and that’s when they say “I wouldn’t know. I defriended you a long time ago.”
That’s why it’s better for everyone if I refuse to acknowledge any birthday-related announcements. That way nobody can accuse me of playing favorites.
Anyway, like I was saying, I usually don’t look over there. But for some reason this event invitation caught my eye:
Turns out the invitation was from a girl I used to work with (at a fitness club, not a chicken ranch), who I haven’t seen in years.
Having never taken a fellatio class before, needless to say my curiosity was piqued.
Here it is:
Unfortunately, because the date conflicted with another non-existent event that I won’t be attending, I had to decline. But I was kind enough to send her a note explaining why:
Dear Friend/Professor/Fellatio Expert,
Thank-you so much for the invitate, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to attend your class. Not because I have anything else to do, mind you, only because if I had to choose, I would opt to take any one these classes instead:
-Retiling The Bathroom 101 Class
-Watching Two And A Half Men 101 Class
-Spam Sculpting 101 Class
-Cleaning The Toilet With My Hair 101 Class
-Taxidermy On The Only Cat I Ever Liked 101 Class
— This 101 Class
-Spiking My Own Drink With Roofies 101 Class
-Not Having To Worry About My Gag Reflex 101 Class
– Not Paying $40 To Be A Blow Job Expert 101 Class
-Not Paying $40 To Give A Blow Job At All 101 Class
-Shouldn’t The Guy Be Paying Me $40? 101 Class
If you offer any of the above classes in the future, let me know. Otherwise, you should probably take me off your contact list, since I already took this course years ago (via home schooling) and never used it.