Billboard’s Greatest Hits: Honorable Mentions


Al Hirt Ann-Margret

Track Listing

“Ah Mean It”

“Al Hirt Ann-Margret Real Bad”

“First Al Punch Hir”

“Then Al Bust Hir Knee Caps”

“And Kick Hir In The Vagina”

 “Nothin’ Personal, Ah Just Got A Bad Temper”

“Not Like My Brother, Don”

“Don Hirt Nobody”



“Dance Before The Police Come!”-Shut Up And Dance

Track Listing

“Hurry, Before The Cops Get Here!”

“If They See Us Dancing They’ll Arrest Us”

“And Charge Us With Possession Of Rhythm”

“And Cutting Up A Rug”

“We’ll Get A Life Sentence With No Chance Of Parole”

“Your Son Will Never Know His Father”

“And I Won’t Graduate From The Career Institute With An Exciting Career That Can Be Performed at Home or In An Office”

“Uh, Oh! Here They Come!”

“Quick, Pretend Like You Got No Rhythm”

“No, I’m Sure The Giant Machetes Are Fine…”




The Many Moods Of Ethel Smith

Track Listing








Totally Shitfaced

Kinda Nauseous

But Still Really Horny

Is “Stevie Wonder” A Mood?

Your Mom


Where Am I?



“Histoires De Neige” – Claude Vanony

Track Listing

“Sacre Bleu!”

Vous-Avez Un Oopsie Daisy?”

“Mal Neige! Mal Neige!”

“Je Vais Kiss Le Owie Au Revoir”

“Celine Dion Vendredi Salle De Bain”

“Pepe Le Pew French Canadian Anthem Poisson”

“Ah, Okay…Tres Bien!”

“So Anyway, While Vous-Etes Down There…”



  1. “So Anyway, While Vous-Etes Down There…” Awesome marketing tie-in.

    Also, since you’re such a fan, you definitely need to see this gem.

    You’re welcome.

  2. Ann Margaret. Who knew she could play the trombone as well as the skin flute.

  3. Leanne Moffat says:

    “Is Stevie Wonder a mood?” I’m thinking so. Feeling a bit Stevie myself…

  4. Grannypants says:

    I had those same machetes! The neighbor’s kid made them out of cardboard and aluminum foil. They are so close to real looking, I almost got arrested for getting my groove on in the front yard while brandishing them at passersby. The cops confiscated them and wrote me a ticket for being too rhythmic, so I got off easy.

  5. “Ah, Okay…Tres Bien!”

    The French just can’t avoid saying an English word when they’re having an orgasm. They probably think it makes them look chic.

  6. you are beyond brilliant, man.

    • Not to brag, but I was totally thinking the same thing!

      In fact, I’m so brilliant that I’ve successfully tricked my family and friends into believing that I’m the opposite of brilliant. This way, they don’t bother me with boring, redundant questions that I don’t know the answers to.

  7. Ha! Now dat’s da good shit!

  8. I think the scariest weapon the men from Shut Up and Dance are sporting is neon green price tag. $7.49? Good luck with that, shirtless weapon wielders! If I head over to iTunes, I can get music I actually want for $0.99/track and all without having to feel vaguely menaced for not a.) shutting up or b.) dancing. (Also: c.) both.)

    Of course, the police will come. They always do. And then the usual stuff gets tossed around about “profiling” and their lawyers with advise them to exercise their right to remain silent/dance while accusing the cops of arresting their clients simply because they were black, dancing and carrying unusually large knives. “To you, all black, dancing men sporting unusually large knives look the same.” And the press will jump in, followed by the bloggers, followed by the commenters and finally, followed by someone from the New York Times, who heard about it on Twitter hours ago, but refuses to view Twitter as a viable form of internet communication and so, had to wait until it appeared on AP’s wire (several times) before they could bring up the story from the rear (so to speak) and charge people money for reading about something they had already moved on from.

    Still… $7.49 is bullshit.

    • HA!

      To be fair, CLT, it’s not like I actually paid $7.49 for the album. I happen to know people who know people who Tweet about lawyers who represent non-speaking dancers with no shirts who get arrested for dancing with unusually large knives.

      Let’s just say that in the end, I paid cost + 10%.

  9. Those Men with Machetes remind me of this

  10. Sometimes I just want to hold you.

  11. If I spoke half-assed French, man, I’d be cutting up the comments section with some hysterical song titles.

    Instead, I’ll just tell you that someone on an online dating site ended a message to me the other day with “se la ve.”

    • No no no…. step away from the dating site

      • Listen to NM!

        While it may not seem like it from the way I butcher the language, I actually went to French Immersion. La ve obviously means lave, which means wash.

        Anyone who feels the need to mention the fact they wash is not someone you want to be sharing a bed with.

  12. I laughed so hard I hirt myself.

  13. You should open up a store. I expect these to be gems offered in said store. Hurry, though, I need to start thinking ’bout holiday shopping.

    • Actually, what you SHOULD be thinking about is why you didn’t invite me to go to Vegas with you. Not to make you feel bad, but it really Hirt my feelings.

      #jokekiller #beatingadeadhorse

  14. Sweet. Jesus.

    Is, “Stevie Wonder,” a mood? Now I know. I also have an entirely new mood set thanks to Val Kilmer and his newly released Easy Listening album.

  15. I really would have appreciated more range from Ethel. I mean, she could have at least given us a pouty “o” face. She needs to get with Al — I have a feeling he could elicit a more diverse collection of facial expressions like “please hammer don’t hirt em,” and “Al, that’s my bunghole!”

  16. The back beat on Horny, still send me. And I thought I had the best album collection in the world. Not even close.

  17. The best would be if the police came, pretended they were gonna arrest them, and then started to dance.

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