.Apparently my jokes don’t translate.
Convo between myself and my heavily-accented German landlady, while out for breakfast at a cafe in Mexico:
German Landlady: So, do you know what you will have for breakfast?
Me: I’m not really that hungry. I think I’ll just get the Frühstück.
Landlady: Yes, but you will have what?
Me: The frühstück. And an ice tea.
Landlady: *deep sigh* I know this. What I am asking is what you will choose.
Me: Oh, you mean I get a choice? In that case, I’ll get a Grapefrühstück. Or kiwi fruh. …Or maybe some kind of exotic fruh medley. Anything but mango fruh. I don’t like mangoes.
Landlady: I do not think you are understanding. In Germany, frühstück is breakfast.
Me: Oh, I see. Well, in Canada, we usually have cereal and toast. Or bacon and eggs. Sometimes pancakes.
Landlady: So you will have one of these?
Me: No. I. Am. Having. The. Frühstück.
Me: Do you think they’d let me get my fruh in a cup instead? Knowing me, I’ll probably end up stabbing myself with the stück.
Landlady: *rolls eyes* I do not understand what are you meaning.
Me: On second thought, maybe I should just stick with the Desayunos.
Convo between myself and same heavily-accented German landlady, while walking by the above mannequin on our way back to the hotel:
Me: *points to mannequin’s extremely abundant cleavage* AS IF those are real!
Landlady: They are not real. It is only a mannequin.
Me: Um, yeah. I know. I was only kidding.
Landlady: *blank stare* I do not understand your humor.
Email convo later that day:
Convo between myself and “Guess Who?”, on New Years’ Day, after she spent the entire night pre-post-coital with her “Mexican artist friend” directly above me:
Me: So, I take it you had a good New Year’s Eve?
Landlady: Yes. My artist friend came to visit me from Oaxaca. *clears throat* Um, we regarded the fireworks.
Me: Must have been hard to see them from that angle.
Landlady: I do not understand your jokes.
Me: *mumbles* I wasn’t joking this time…
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