Friends For Life (Which in this case is approximately a month. Two, tops.)


A few weeks ago, I received an email from a woman in the Solomon Islands, asking me to be the beneficiary of her Estate. Normally I wouldn’t bother responding (you know that saying, “Fool me twice, something something”), but after reading her plea and seeing the attached photo, I knew in my heart that God would want me to do everything in my power to help this woman. (I also knew this because she told me.)


Subject: Confidential
Date: Sun, 18 Sep

Dear Friend.

I am Mrs. Elizabeth Etters, a devoted Christian. I have an Estate uncompleted {what sum of USD 2,142,728.00 Dollars} and need somebody to finish it because of my health. I don’t need any telephone communication because of the confidentiality of this transfer.

Be assured you stand no risk as this is my money. My late husband’s relatives are non-Christian and as I am here in the hospital in Solomon Island they stand around me, waiting to hear I am dead so that they can take my belongings.

To show I am trustworthy, I have attached a photo of my and my late husband.

Please send me your full names so I can prepare the needed paper work. I want to know more about what you do for a living. I believe our father has directed me to you as I prayed and searched over the internet for assistance and then I saw your profile on Microsoft EMAIL owners list.

Upon your reply I will issue a letter of authorization that will prove you the beneficiary of this money.


God permitting I pray to be alive when you receive this money so that you can visit me here if you wish to.

God bless,

Elizabeth Etters


Subject: Re: Confidential
Date: Sat, 24 Sep


You are right. God does work in mysterious, technologically-advanced ways.

Thank-you for the photo. Sometimes I have a hard time trusting people, and being able to put a face to your email has really helped me get past that.

Your husband was a very handsome man, if I do say so myself! He must have been quite the heart-breaker back in the day.

Um, I like your earrings…?

As for me, I am a Human Dream Catcher/Planking Instructor. You know the guys you see lying face-down on the grass, or on a bench, or across the aisle in the baggage compartment of the airplane? The ones who almost look dead? (No offense.) Well, I teach them how to do that.

To prove that I am also trustworthy, I have attached a photo of myself.

(I made sure to keep my head turned, just in case the non-Christians are lurking around.)



Let me know when I should book my flight. I’m thinking the sooner, the better. I’d hate to spend all that money and then find out you’re already dead. (Again, no offense.)



Subject: Thanks for responding
Date: Sun, 25 Sep

Good day to you and thanks for responding.

Please send to me your full names so I can prepare the needed paper work before it’s too late.





Subject: Re: Thanks for responding
Date: Mon, 26 Sep

 Yikes! This is more serious than I thought.

Okay, give me your home address and I’ll send you my names ASAP.



Subject: Re: Thanks for responding
Date: Mon, 26 Sep

Good Day,

I did not ask that you send it to me via letter mail rather I asked that you send it to me via email as we have been communicating over the past few days.



Subject: Re: Thanks for responding
Date: Mon, 26 Sep


I decided to send you my names via regular mail instead.

I worry that your husband’s relatives might look over your frail shoulder and read your email. Or worse, they’ll smother you with a pillow while you sleep and after you’re dead they’ll steal your laptop and email me pretending to be you. (Non-Christians can be jerks that way.)

Just promise me you won’t die before it gets there. (I also worry that they’ll smother you with a pillow and then steal your regular mail.)



Subject: Re: Thanks for responding
Date: Wed, 28 Sep 

My email is private so no one can read my messages, so do proceed and send me your names.



Subject: Re: Thanks for responding
Date: Wed, 28 Sep

If you say it is safe, then of course I trust you.

My full name is “Becky Kumbayah Mahlord Kumbayah”. (My parents were hippies.)


Subject: Bank Details
Date: Thu, 29 Sep

Thank you for your word and commitment. God will surely guide you through this noble course even when I am not alive.

I have issued a letter of authority to the finance firm in CANADA. You are now the sole beneficiary to this fund totaling $2,142,728.00 USD.

Your contact with ROYAL BANK OF CANADA will involve the opening of a new private account. Contact them through their Internet Banking E-mail {}

Please do not disappoint me because you know what it takes to entrust so much money on you.

Your sister in the lord.
Elizabeth Etters.


Subject: GUESS WHAT!!
Date: Mon, 3 Oct

Dear Sister in the Lord,

Don’t thank me, I would do anything for a dying friend. And God, of course! LOL

(But seriously, though. I would.)

Guess what! Turns out we don’t have to bother with the bank, I just found out I can get a flight to the Solomon islands for only $1995. This means I can pick up the money in person! Also, I can let your in-laws know how disappointed I am that they are non-Christian.

If you could send me names of hotels, that would be great. Or, better yet, maybe I could stay with you and make sure your family doesn’t try to kill you?

I can only imagine how good it would be for you to have a friend like me in your final hours.


Helping you in your final hours



Subject: Re: GUESS WHAT!!!
Date: Wed, 5 Oct

I would like that you proceed with my bank first and ensure that my project with you can have a good foundation so contact the bank and give me an update once you have.

Elizabeth Etters


Subject: Re: GUESS WHAT!!
Date: Fri, 7 Oct

Wait a minute…who are you and why are you pretending to be Elizabeth?

I am extremely close with E (I even call her E, that’s how close we are), and I know for a fact that she would want me to come in person.


Us, in happier times.


Is this one of E’s non-Christian relatives? She told me you guys might try pulling a stunt like this.

I swear, if you smothered her in her sleep or took out her breathing tube, so help me God (it’s a Christian reference so you probably won’t get it) I’ll find out.



Subject: Re: GUESS WHAT!!!
Date: Sat, 8 Oct

Good day to you.

I assure you that you were speaking with the wrong person and not me. I am a person of my word and would NEVER contradict this. I urge you not to trust these scammers who have stolen my mode of operation and are trying to deceive you.

Please let me have your thoughts.

Elizabeth Etters


Subject: Re: GUESS WHAT!!!
Date: Sat, 8 Oct

HA! I knew it! Okay, so here were my thoughts. First, I was like “What the hell? Why so formal, E? I thought we were tight?” but then I was all “Wait a minute, this doesn’t make any sense…what’s with the run-on sentence? English must not be her first language.” THEN when I got to the last part, I was all like, “I wonder if she’s having a stroke?”

So yeah, I guess you could say I had conflicting emotions.

I was so worried about you that I even made this poster:


But I realized that I couldn’t send it, seeing as I don’t know anyone in Solomon islands. (This isn’t a dig because you reneged on your invite. I’m just stating a fact.)

I think the only solution is for you to change your email password. From what I can tell, those non-Christians will stop at nothing to get your stuff.

So glad you’re safe!



Subject: Re: GUESS WHAT!!!
Date: Sun, 9 Oct

Please let me know if you are willing to proceed with me or not.



Subject: Re: GUESS WHAT!!
Date: Sun, 9 Oct


You asked me for my thoughts, but then you didn’t even bother to reassure me that these are normal thoughts that all friends have and I’m not a freak for thinking them. Also, let’s not even mention the fact that you didn’t thank me for the poster.

Friendship is a two way street, E. Even if one of the friends is living on borrowed time.



*I have yet to hear back from E. If I don’t hear back soon, I’ll assume that her non-Christian relatives are taking care of the Estate.



  1. This is so Funny! I have read this a few times and am laughing alone in my studio. The neighbors must think I am crazy. Thanks for the belly exercise. t

    • Thanks for stopping by, Timm!
      If it makes you feel better, my neighbors think I’m crazy, too. (But I think it has more to do with the binoculars and hand held tape recorder I use while watching them from my balcony.)

  2. Is this for real? I hope to God (it’s a Christian reference so you probably won’t get it) it is, because it’s hilarious.

  3. I have gotten several of those types of e-mails, but I have never thought to reply! Hysterical.

  4. frigginloon says:

    That was friggin hilarious. You totally Rick Rolled them!

    • Turns out I only Ricked them. I just noticed that Elizabeth emailed me again this morning.

      I only hope it’s because she changed her mind about me coming to the Solomon Islands. I heard it’s beautiful this time of year!

  5. Thanks for the laugh! Loved this.

  6. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I know I have your e-mail address and all B, but that WASN’T me trying to swindle you out of your life savings!! Swear to God!! I would have come up with a better alias!


    BTW, (true story!) my grandmother’s maiden name was either Etter or Etters.

    P.S. I feel strangely connected to this story.

    • And mine was Better or Betters

    • Ha! You should feel a connection. Seeing as I always associate “E” with you (because it’s our “thang”–even though you had no say in the matter ), I had to consciously think about who I was writing to.

      Also, the fact that your grammar is impeccable and hers is, well, non-existent, didn’t help matters.

  7. Every minute of a scammer’s time that you waste is a minute that they are not scamming someone gullible! Very funny. :)

    My favorite, if less creative, way to deal with scammers is to find some awful picture online, and save it as a pdf titled “bank information.” When they inevitably ask for my bank account details, I respond saying that I’ve put them in a pdf for security purposes.

    Funny thing is that they will keep trying. I got one scammer to open at least 3, each one worse than the last, by writing “Oh my goodness, I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I sent the wrong file! Please, accept my apologies. Attached is the correct document.”

    • Excellent tactic

    • HA! That’s brilliant. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that, especially since my best friend and I did something similar to another friend, back when we all worked in the same office.

      We would find the most disturbing pictures imaginable and attach them to an email titled “This is hilarious!!” or “Look at the cute puppies!” The funny thing was she would fall for it every time.

      Now that I think about it, she reminds me a lot of E (minus the frizzy hair and breathing tube).

  8. This is hilarious!

    • Thanks, Danidimps. I was so horrified when I saw the photos that I had to do something to lighten the mood. Otherwise, the image of her lying on her sick bed would have haunted me forever.

  9. So your name in your email address wasn’t enough for her? hahaha

    • I know, right? I have a hundred different email addresses and she picks the one that shows my real name. And STILL she can’t figure it out.

      Then again, I edited out the part where she told me that her real name was Alice and her husband’s name was John and because they loved each other so much they combined their names to make “Joyce.” Apparently that was the name I was supposed to refer to when contacting the bank.

      I have to give her credit, for a woman in the beginning stages of rigormortis she is pretty creative.

  10. would be awesome if you found out the real people in those pictures.

  11. Awesome. I have about 400 more people that would like to send you money here in my email trash if you’d like to see if you have any other soul sisters out there…

    • Thanks, but I should probably just stick with the one estate. Any more than that would make me seem greedy. My friends would be all like, “Geez, B, save some millions for the rest of us, why don’t you?” LOL

      (But seriously, though. They would.)

  12. LOVE IT!!!! Thanks for the laugh!

  13. This is fabulous! You sure went the extra mile on this one. Next time I get one of these, I’m sending it on to you.

    • Okay, but only if it’s a Nigerian prince. I don’t think I could handle the idea of losing another friend to whatever it is that E claims to have…;)

  14. I have to admit something. I don’t always read all of everyone’s posts. I especially don’t like the correspondence series kind of post.

    But I read all of this, and I LOVE it when you do this, because it is sooo hilarious and it really takes a lot to make me laugh. For example, I never laugh at funny things like death or little people. I also don’t laugh at cigarette butts and down’s syndrome kids.

    See? Not even that makes me laugh. And you did today. Thank you.

    Do you think you’ll get the money? You’ll probably need help carrying all of that cash. Let me know if you need any.

    • Anonymous says:

      Uh… That’s probably the oddest list of “funny things” I’ve ever seen…

    • Thanks, WTD! Coming from a discriminating jocular wit like yourself, I consider it a true compliment. (I’ve always wanted to use the word “jocular” in a sentence…AND LOOK AT ME NOW!)

      *awkward silence*

      Er, anyway, thanks for your offer to carry the money, but I should be alright. I’ll just use one of the body bags I keep stored in the basement. (Some people might call my body bag obsession “creepy”, but I prefer to think of it as the “Law of Attraction”.)

  15. That is amazing. It makes me wish I kept the email from the guy whose trust fund was about to mature… he could have been MY best friend!

    • You’re really missing out, Tova. Older people make really great internet BFFs. Not only do they have ginormous trust funds, they also have a lot more life experience. Also, they don’t care about things like grammar…or what you do for a living….or whether or not you speak the same language.

      It’s like unconditional friendship, only without the friendship part.

  16. Love it.

  17. Absolutely awesome! Loved reading it :)

  18. hahaha… i did exactly the same thing a while back with a “scottish business man” who needed my help to transfer bank funds to make us both rich. After 6-7 back and forths, i finally came out and asked him if his scam ever works cuz its hilarious… he did not reply after that… how rude

  19. Wow, that lady REALLY wants to give you her money. You should ask for more pictures of her, maybe specifically her celebrating Christmas and Easter to be sure she’s a true Christian.

    • I could, but I have a feeling that all of her pics look the same. Like the old folks always say, “Every day’s a holiday when you’re lying in a sick bed!”

      Or, maybe it’s a “hell day”…? (I always get those two mixed up.)

  20. Anonymous says:

    I have written back to a scammer once.. it was on of those “puppies that need a good home, just send me 200 $ things “

  21. I laughed so hard I choked. The photos: BEST PART. I love that she has a photo of herself “on her death bed” …never seen a scammer try something like that before. Please tell me you sent this to

  22. Hilarious! But really these scam emails are so boring, I wonder if anyone still falls for it?

  23. Excellent post, great read!

  24. sinamagazine says:

    I got loads of them too. Please allow me to post your story in our magazine I would be delighted to publish it as it is funny and sad at the same time.

  25. Erynn Elizabeth says:

    I love this. It makes me want to scour my spam filter and just start replying madly.

    • Erynn Elizabeth says:

      Ha. Yeah..
      Oh hey, speaking of which, maybe you could front me $4,000 for a flight back to Canada from Istanbul (not, in fact, constantinople)? I need help; I’ve fallen in a planking accident, and I can’t get up. My family owns a lucrative baboon farm in Saudi Arabia, and they will pay you back four-thousand-fold upon my safe return.
      I would attach a picture but I’m allergic to both film and pixels. My baboon, Percy, is typing this for me-I can’t get too close to computers.

      • HA! “I’ve fallen in a planking accident and can’t get up!” is my new safe word.

        I’ll see what I can do. Perhaps a trade? Ever since watching movie “Untamed Heart,” I’ve wanted to have my own baboon organ transplant.

        • Erynn Elizabeth says:

          It happens to me so often I had to get a panic button- they call it a planik button.
          “the panic button of choice for people who plank poorly,” or something. You know how it is with slogans these days.

          Percy felt the same way, except he wanted a human heart transplant. We traded for funsies. You may be surprised to learn that:
          a) open heart surgery is not as fun as it seems!
          b) it will not, in fact, make you better at climbing.
          c) but it will make you a better dancer.
          who knew!

  26. i am new to this website, and your post was the first one that i came by. thank you for sharing it! it was really funny!

  27. Oh man, I never knew you were a Planking Life Coach! I think I need your skills desperately. You see, my family members are really good at the planking thing, but I fail miserably. I always look way to lifelike, apparently. Must be the breathing and throwing my arms around all haphazardly.

    Plus, now that I know you are a true Christian, praise the lord (you get it, it’s a christian thing) then I really want to send you this inheritance that I’m about to receive that the authorities of my country have tried to seize and the only way to get it out of the country is to forward it to someone trustworthy. Who could be more trustworthy than a Planking Life Coach, I say! Just give me your full name, date of birth, cat’s name, social security number, bra size, home address, name of your first lover, your favorite fruit, mother’s maiden name, favorite color, bank account number, and your most favorite part of your body (a picture would be helpful). I believe we can be great friends and god-willing (again, I know you understand), we will both receive vast sums of money.

    Also, I like what you are doing with your hair up there. Very sexy.

    Peace be with you (and also with you). Sorry, I can’t help myself. I am just such a good goddamn christian.

    • It’s a fact that Planking Life Coaches are 37% more trustworthy than real life-coaches. That’s what makes us so popular. (Well that, and the fact that we’re always so relaxed.)

      After reading your comment and seeing your nicely pedicured toes, I have come to the conclusion that you’re 100% legit. I’ll email the answers to your questions as well as an original drawing of my femur bone (I think you’ll agree that it really brings out my upper leg) ASAP.
      Also, I will give you the name of my hair stylist. Not to brag, but his client list includes celebrities such as Nana Miskouri and Dr. Quinn, Medicine woman.

    • It’s a fact that Planking Life Coaches are 37% more trustworthy than real life-coaches. That’s what makes us so popular. (Well that, and the fact that we’re always so relaxed.)

      After reading your comment and seeing your nicely pedicured toes, I have come to the conclusion that you’re 100% legit. I’ll email the answers to your questions as well as an original drawing of my femur bone (I think you’ll agree that it really brings out my upper leg) ASAP.

      Also, because we are great friends now, I will give you the name of my hair stylist. (Not to brag, but his client list includes celebrities such as Nana Miskouri and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.)

  28. great

  29. Those photos are hilarious. You and E in happier times made my day!. Thank you for posting :D

  30. Oh my God!! (Christian or otherwise) This is absolutely the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in ages! I read a similar exchange recently in a magazine in an article written by some guy whose name I can’t recall, but yours was far funnier! Sheer genius!

    I get these pleas constantly via email, along with untold messages sent to my Facebook author account (I write as Daisy Dexter Dobbs) of undying love, devotion and the fabulous opportunity to live in a gilded palace and share bazillions of foreign dollars of some deposed monarch’s fortune if only I’ll give them all my personal details.

    Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tempted to do what you did.

    Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had all week!

    • Ha! At least your offers come with a palace. Elizabeth wouldn’t even let me stay at her house. I’m starting to think that she’s one of those hoarder-types.

      Then again, I always say that when people won’t let me stay at their house. (Only because it makes me feel less ostracized.)

  31. I haven’t gotten one of these Spammer emails in a very long time but TADAH! I just received one and I just look at them in such a different way now. You Post has changed the game. They are for our enjoyment!!! Laughing! Thank God, Bless your heart and I will pray for you (did I get enough Christian speak in there for you?)!

  32. Oh dear that is priceless…I am so doing something along those lines next time I get a letter…’s kinda got me excited about getting a letter instead of cranky…..still laughing here

    • I’m so glad you feel that way! Which reminds me, if you happen to get a letter from Elizabeth, please tell her that I still think about her from time to time.

  33. Nobody should have to suffer the pain of an uncompleted estate. Or an irritable bowel for that matter. Your compassion, like your logic, knows no bounds. We are all blessed to keep company with you on this precious internet of ours.

    Good day to you.

    • You said it, Dave! Nobody should have to deal with an irritable bowel. It’s not our fault they have such a crappy (no pun intended) job. If they’re so dissatisfied, maybe they should think about a career change. Or taking up a new hobby.

      (This could very well be my lamest comment response ever. I could actually hear the crowd booing as I wrote it.)

      • That wasn’t me booing! I think you are hilarious and totally take the blame for the lame here. Not knowing what an “uncompleted estate” might be, I reached deep into my funny bag and came up with colitis. Later I thought erectile dysfunction would have been better, but not much. So you see bschooled, the lame is all mine. But it’s darn nice of you to be all humble and shit!

        I think I’ve made my point …

  34. This might be one of the greatest things I have ever read! Your picture was great too, especially when you added it to theirs. Brilliant!

  35. I was in court last week when this post popped up and I made the mistake of opening it. It is very hard to look serious when I am reading anything you wrote. You are supposed to look suitably grave and serious when in court. I pretended to cough to cover the laugh. You are definitely my hero.

  36. Next time you write to Elizabeth, could you ask her if she has a sister?

  37. Oh B… when you become uber-famous like Ghandi or Harry Caray or Ron Popeil, please don’t forget all us little people that love reading your posts so damn much. As a side note, that bitch should have TOTALLY thanked you for that poster.

    • I know, right? The time I spent on that poster could have been better spent trolling “Stop Hurting Justin Bieber’s Feelings!” Facebook pages.

      ps. Don’t worry, my friend, when I get my own self-produced and directed show on YouTube, you will be the first person I ask to be a recurring guest.

  38. sophie williams says:

    I enjoyed browsing your website and found it suitable for one of my clients to advertise on it. The advert could be in the format of a short sentence with a link to my client’s website. In return I would be happy to compensate you for that.You can contact me via

    Thank you for your time

  39. This was outstanding! I need to step up my blogging game.

    I love that you have wasted this person’s time like they waste all of ours. Boom!

  40. Hilarious! And they (the scammers) persevered all through, even to say ‘Please let me know if you are willing to proceed with me or not.’ These people are just plain dumb or there must be some really gullible people out there. Probably both. Sad.

  41. I didn’t realize it was possible to have more respect for you than I already did…but I’ve been proven wrong. You, my friend, are my hero.

  42. Is it me, or does the late husband kind of look like Dennis Farina?

  43. This was stumbled to me. I’m totally doing this if I get one sent to me.

    Also, I miss you.

  44. Vanessa Womack says:

    Wow, I do believe I have run across someone as crazy as I am :-)

  45. Anonymous says:

    Becky, I think you may be the funniest female who’s emails I’ve had the pleasure of reading.
    Thank you for the laughter.

  46. Best.E-mail. Ever :) You totally kicked his butt, B :D

  47. This pretty much made my morning. I will now go to work with a smile. On a Monday. Unheard of.

    You really can’t trust those non-christian’s. they probably smothered her with a pillow and stole her nice earrings AT THE SAME TIME. Dastardly.

  48. we should e-mail her asking if she is still alive and saying we want her money.

  49. If anybody picks me to be a beneficiary due to the virtue that I’ve displayed on the internet, they’re as crazy as a shithouse rat.

  50. I am legitimatetely torn up .. Just shows you can trust God and not people ..

  51. Great trolling!! Look up the missing missy email conversation if you want another laugh.

  52. Anonymous says:

    Ok, I read an article very similar to this on which ran a few months before this. Even the name is the same (Elizabeth Etters) what’s the deal with that? have you ripped this off or is it a crazy coincidence?

    • Wow. That is a crazy coincidence. Fortunately, however, I can assure you that I would not rip off an idea from an article in Cracked magazine. (No offense, I’m just more of a McSweeney’s type.)

      And while I’m not in danger of getting into Mensa any time soon, if I had stolen the idea, I probably would have been smart enough to have changed her name, and not just the entire content of the correspondence between us.

      Considering the fact that Miss Etters is one of the top listed names on the Fraudwatchers site, I’m guessing I’m not the only one she wanted to see benefit from her riches.

      Regardless, I do appreciate your concern. When it comes to Lowbrow Humor Fraud, you can never be too careful.

      • This happens a lot where I work. People get offended or otherwise irritated by spam messages. Especially when said spam purports to originate from the email accounts of friends. They miss the point that spam is fraudulent and therefore unworthy of one microsecond of attention.

        That more than one comedian was inspired to hold forth on poor Ms. Etters’ predicament is no more than a wonderful bonus to we consumers of comedy.

    • If anything, Cracked writer Soren Bowie (if that’s a real name), ripped off writer Diana Grove, whose book, DOT.CONNED ( was published over two years ago. I read excerpts from the book a couple of years before it was published.

  53. wow im gullible as fuck seeing as i totally thought this was legit and the whole time i was thinking “wow what a piece of shit….” lol

  54. Thank you so much for this! I laughed until i was crying….and cried so hard I had to turn away from the computer screen.

    You’re awesome! Thanks!

  55. My ribs are aching from laughing so hard!

  56. Dena Castor says:

    SHES STILL ALIVE BUT ONLY HAS 8 months again. OK I almost (yes I had hope) kept all conversation with her a secret. Until today I have a 16 year old daughter. We have been homeless since May. The weekend we got a house with knowing no xmas. So Jenn said mom it cant be true and sge showed me. Im so sad. I guess Im just stupid to think someone somewhere out there is a real person to care and make life eaiser. I FEEL SO STUPID. I Sent a message saying she was a fraud and she emailed back begging me to believe in God.

  57. Anonymous says:

    I was going crazy with this! It’s a shame that after 18 years of internet-ing I almost fell into this. But reading through your funny responses gave me a relief :) how crazy is that :D

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