Looking for my soil-mate.

Recently, while walking in the park, I noticed an elderly couple sitting on a bench holding hands.

Like most people do when they see old people in love, I tried to picture them having sex.  But then I started to think about soul-mates.

A few weeks earlier, I had broken up with a guy I’d been dating. He was nice, but he had this annoying habit of introducing me to hot guys as his girlfriend. Also, because of his insecurities, he would harass me with countless pathetic text messages while I was out on other dates.

At first, I let it go. But after he freaked out when I asked if he had any single, less effeminate-looking brothers, I knew I had to end it.

Still, I missed the companionship. The feeling of knowing that if worse came to worst, I had someone to pick me up from the bar after last call. Or of waking up and smelling the pillow that would have his lingering scent had I actually let him stay long enough to need it.

As I ogled the geriatric couple from behind a nearby tree, I felt a renewed sense of hope that my true love was still out there. So, after spending the next few hours convincing the police to drop the senior citizen harassment charges, I went home and began my search.

In an effort to get the ball rolling, I decided to visit one of the dating sites I frequented to see if I had any new messages.

Instead, I found this:

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Screen Shot 2013-05-07 at 6.31.22 AM copy.

I  didn’t know what was worse. The fact that I could no longer contact any of the guys wanting to pamper me, or that this “Support’ contact that the site referred to didn’t exist.  Knowing I would never in a million years pay to date a man-child led me to believe it was the former.

I felt like I had been mislead. I never would have joined the site had I not received the following message in my inbox:

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Screen Shot 2012-05-18 at 12.54.05 PM copy

Since I wasn’t even a member of the Adult Diaper Dating community, I knew it was fate.

The sign-up process was exhausting.  They asked me about fetishes I’d never heard of. They used acronyms I didn’t understand.

Fortunately, because I’m an anal-retentive puritan with the street slang of a Femdom Sphincterphile Cunnilinguist, I was able to wing it.

.

123*I typically play the part of “Vertigo-Challenged Woman With Gluten Allergies and a Micropenis”
**So what’s the big deal it’s not like I’m going around engaging in group sex with a bunch of random strangers
***Don’t know what this is
****Don’t know. But as long as there’s munchies, count me in
****Though I’m not familiar with mating rituals of  the animal kingdom,  if the rooster expects the bull to put out I feel like he should at least put in some effort.

.

Given that 90% of the guys weren’t even potty-trained,  it made sense that their communication skills were lacking. Most of the conversations went something like this:

Him: Hi
Me: Hi
Him: ABDL
Me: SWF
Him: Mommy/Nanny
Me: No/No
Him: S&M
Me: LOL
Him: Bondage?
Me: DIY
Him: WTF?
Me: STD
Him: Bye
Me: Bye-Curious

But over time, I did manage to meet a few potential connections. (See below)

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adultdiaperfetish copy

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*****

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adultdiaperslamaze copy copy

..

*****

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rrrq copy

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*****

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adultdiaperkidshavingchildren copy

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*****

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adultdiaperinde copy

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*****

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adultdatingcribormine copy

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Sadly, given the circumstances, I may never find out if there was potential for a long-term relationship. Still, I haven’t given up hope.

If you happen to known any of the guys above, please tell them to email me at bschooled@hotmail.com.  Except babyinvegas. (No offense, I just find sissy babies to be a real turn-off.)

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Comments

  1. teehee <3

  2. Your bra size is the same as my testicles. Strange, eh?

  3. All of these guys sound like catches. I don’t see how you can’t make it work. So sad.

    By the way, you always say you miss my giveaways . . . perfect timing, because I have one today. In case you are interested . . .

    • It is sad. To be fair, it probably has less to do with them and more to do with my aversion to guys with adult diaper fetishes. Who knows.

      Ps. When it comes to giveaways, I’m always interested. Unless it’s adult diapers. (In which case it just Depends.)

  4. Oh Bea. ♥

    I don’t know whether to shit or go blind. I think that’s a saying I’ve heard uttered by louder-than-me drunken rednecks at the other end of the bar that I should never have gone to … I don’t really remember. And I don’t go to bars any more. I never did. Honest. It’s much more efficient to drink alone at home.

    But I have to say, if there was an award for the Best Researched Pervo-Comic Blogger you, my dear, would take the Blue Ribbon.

    This post is a masterpiece! The way you draw material from your sad search for love and companionship is truly inspirational! It makes me wish I was more miserable so that I could maybe become a better writer.

    I don’t really get the diaper fetish, and I don’t even like it when my post-piddle leakage wets my briefs. However, when I arrive at the nursing home, I’d like my caregivers to understand how it feels to sit around in soiled pampers. While I’m waiting for the Incontinental Breakfast. (No, I wasn’t setting up for that- it was a throwaway. Honest!)

  5. This is what got me to read the rest; “Like most people do when they see old people in love, I tried to picture them having sex.” LOL

  6. Man. That is just gross. WTF. I was just telling my nieces that they can’t think of one ridiculous thing that probably isn’t happening right now, and damn if you didn’t prove me right. Though the one neice said “Right now daddy is pulling a unicorn out of his butt before he flies away on a dragon.” I had to explain that was a little too specific.

    Hey, I sent you an email last week to see how you were doing but didn’t hear back – you’re in the witness protection program now aren’t you? Do they have that in Canada?

    • Ah, yes. I believe your niece was referring to “Orifacecorndragonflyophilia”.
      Apparently it’s one of the most popular fetishes among Gamers/Harry Potter fans.

  7. I had the misfortune to watch The Talk on holiday, it was a special and the audience were all expectant mothers, they were giving away months worth of diapers and various other baby stuff. Does Sara Gilbert realise she was practically making a porno?

  8. Since your illustrations are still appearing as squished boxes three lines high, I can’t see them. This means I have to use my own imagination to fill in the blanks. Now I’m really grossed out! EWWWWWW

    • I don’t understand why that is? I had three different friends check from their computers and they said the pictures showed up. The only explanation I can think of is that Canada uses the metric system. I’m pretty sure that’s also why I didn’t graduate from med school, or win the lottery, finish the book I swore I was going to write.

      I don’t want to sound bitter, but my I feel like my inability to care about learning Celsius to Fahrenheit conversion has really held me back.

  9. “any of the guys wanting to pamper me” I guess they don’t LUVS you like you thought….or maybe it just DEPENDS

  10. I’m a selfish lover, so I would probably let her wipe my ass and change my diaper and then roll over and go to sleep without changing hers.

  11. My mind sometimes goes there when I see an elderly couple too. Don’t fret, Beatrice. Next diaper dating website you join, be open to wetting yourself and you will get a better class of pervert.

  12. mcpherson94 says:

    This is great, although, it really does compare to a stand-up free bondage dating site. I’ve written about similar stuff more briefly: http://gapyearjourneytowardsenlightenment.wordpress.com/2013/05/24/realising-youre-part-of-the-problem-an-oasis-online-dating-adventure/

  13. I so want to be your cuckold after reading this! The hard part will be having to a Canadian woman when making policy decisions once I become President of the United States.

    Let’s do it!

    • In that case, the sooner we start the better. Given the momentum your campaign has gathered in the last decade or so, time is not on our side.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I use diapers. Not an excuse. My reality. I wonder at times why an adult diaper. In the end, I enjoy wearing and wetting my diapers. How does your torment proceed? Do you anticipate a diaper change and it is denied. Do you wet your diapers in excess?

  15. I use diapers. Not an excuse. My reality. I wonder at times why an adult diaper. In the end, I enjoy wearing and wetting my diapers. How does your torment proceed? Do you anticipate a diaper change and it is denied. Do you wet your diapers in excess?

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