Free Screenshots

So, for those of you hopeful romantics who’ve been waiting  anxiously for updates re: my personal life, I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is I’ve spent the last few weeks working on various blog posts based on my attempts at finding love. The bad news is that due to circumstances beyond my conscious control, I haven’t actually finished any of them.

Sadly, over the last few weeks my OCD has gone into hyperactive mode, a fact which can be illustrated by the following exchange between myself and a scammer/potential love interest on FB:

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Screen Shot 2013-09-04 at 11.37.33 AM copy copy.

Recently, while downloading photos from my iPhone, I discovered another side-effect of my debilitating and time-consuming illness.  I’m not sure of the medical terminology, but basically it consists of a subconscious compulsion to take  screenshots of every image I find, regardless of  subject matter/whether or not it was intentional.

While I complete the daunting task of cropping my lovers’ Facebook/email messages so that each one is exactly 320×600 pixels in size and not a pixel more so help me God, I thought I’d share are a few of these screenshots on the off chance that someone might find them useful.

*Please feel free to take whichever ones you feel will benefit your life in some obscure, illogical way. (No judgement.)
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IMG_1375 copy copy copyA screenshot taken while learning how to take a screenshot.

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IMG_1379While trying to figure out why my alarm wouldn’t stop going off.

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IMG_1603 copyI think they ‘re trying to tell me that playing Bubble Pop for
hours on end isn’t productive.

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IMG_9411 copyA screenshot I don’t remember taking of a photo I don’t
remember taking of a pic of people I don’t know
= Art

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IMG_0993 copyMy three most prized possessions:
1. Computer
2. Remote Control
3. Left Leg

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IMG_0992 copyPretty sure this dude was ogling me with his peripheral vision.

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IMG_1324 copy copyMy nephew, Ollie. He takes after his dad. (aka. Burt Reynolds)

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IMG_1323 copy Lol  Like father, like son!

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IMG_1132 copyInquiring minds want to know.

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IMG_0981 copyThis poem made me believe in shoulders.

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aaaI have no idea why I took a screenshot of this.

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IMG_1086 copy…Or this.

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IMG_1089Or why, three months later, it’s still my screensaver.

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IMG_1162 copy copy copyUnlike my previous screensaver, which goes without saying.

 

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connieWe’re related.

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IMG_0947 copy Found while Googling possible reasons for blocked tear ducts.

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IMG_0851Speaking of blocked tear ducts…

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IMG_0982 copy copy copyEr, I had a mouth infection and was looking for a dentist.

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IMG_1171 copy copy copyAlso,  a rash.

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IMG_1315 copyOkay kid, so would you or would you not date a
fan??? You’re giving me mixed signals…

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cougaredI call this my visual ego boost.

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IMG_1616 copyEr, no reason.

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IMG_1181 copy“In India, Everything’s A Vagina!”

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treevag copyVagina

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faaVagina

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guyvag copyVagina

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stunn copy copyStunned Vagina

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pussy copyPussy

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kimkjustin copyIt’s even more hideous than I imagined.

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kimgun copy It also explains  this.

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couplevag copy copy…and this.

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vagsoup copyBut not this.

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And definitely not this:

wqwq copyDUH!  Everyone knows that we Canadians only wear toques on our heads.

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taylor1 copyWorst”Best Answer” in the history of Yahoo.

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Whenever I’m suffering from humor-related insecurities, I find  that Facebook really helps me keep things in perspective.

santa

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fa copy.Same with Dane Cook’s Twitter feed.

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Fnally, just so you don’t think I completely lack depth, here’s  a quote from Joel Osteen:

IMG_1478 copy

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Which I never would have taken had I not accidentally typed the name “Joel Osteen” while Googling the adult version of this kid:

osmentNo reason

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Comments

  1. I like that you don’t let a critically low battery stop you from taking pictures of old men on public transportation. It really shows you have some kind of quality I can’t pinpoint.

  2. That picture of the nun hosing off some old dude is really getting me hot.

    And thanks for all of that knoledge.

  3. The next time I need to google images for a post, I’ll send you a text and an image of Regina. Sorry. Vagina.

    • Sounds good! I promise I won’t let you down.
      *Fun fact: Geography wise, Saskatoon is considered the vagina of Saskatchewan. (I know because my parents are farmers.)

  4. I’m so glad you ended this post on a positive note. Though I’m sure my dreams tonight will have at least one scene with Haley Joel saying something about seeing dead vaginas.

    Not sure how I feel about that, though maybe the dream will end with that hilarious lady with the hot dog glasses. That cracks me up.

    • That’s usually how all my dreams play out.
      …And my boss wonders why I always sleep in! LOLOLOL

      • In case you were worried, I had no nightmares with Haley Joel Osment. Or the lady with the wieners in her eyes. Whew!

        I thought you were your own boss. That is, I assumed you were, uh, self-employed. That is, I can’t imagine someone actually being your boss, or you being “bossed” by someone. I TOTALLY can imagine you sleeping in. I also aspire to sleep in as often as possible. Perchance to dream. Lately I’m so exhausted that I don’t remember hardly any of my dreams. Or I’m having something that’s the opposite of lucid dreams. Whatevs. I shut up now.

        • You’re right. I was actually referring to myself in third person. I find that otherwise I tend to blur the lines between “Boss” and “Friend”. Also “Life Partner”.

          I think I’ll shut up now too…

  5. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I think the acronym you are looking for is OCSSD (Obsessive Compulsive Screen-Shot Disorder). By the way, how did you get that photo of me and Kevin Mitnick (the people you claim to “not know?”). Was the orgy that unmemorable?

  6. it’s strange and amazing how you attract all the freaks to yourself. but it makes easier for the rest of us.
    i hope the freak supply for you never runs out. and i find the hundreds of vaginas you found in india.

  7. Before I got to the part about your screenshotting compulsion, I had taken one of Andrew Warren so I could blow it up to get a better look at him. I feel your pain, Bea.
    (And, thanks for the lady with the hotdogs under her glasses. That’s a keeper!)

    • C’mon, he has nice eyes….er, doesn’t he? I was too busy trying to figure out what “almost a virgin” meant and whether or not I can pass myself off as one. (Do you think apathetic sex counts?)

      • I don’t know- there is the possibility that he accidentally left a word out, as in , “I almost [let your imagination run wild] a virgin male”….not to disappoint you, but he might not be your type, if you know what I mean.

  8. So I mean, just out of curiosity, what DO 1D smell like?

  9. I don’t know a lot about parenting, but I don’t think kids should grab their moms’ boobs. However, if anyone has a hot mom out there who needs her boobs grabbed, I know just the guy.

  10. I’m puzzled about why you don’t prize your right leg. (My apologies in advance if you, in fact, have no right leg and I have now stirred up horrific past memories.)

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