So, for those of you hopeful romantics who’ve been waiting anxiously for updates re: my personal life, I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is I’ve spent the last few weeks working on various blog posts based on my attempts at finding love. The bad news is that due to circumstances beyond my conscious control, I haven’t actually finished any of them.
Sadly, over the last few weeks my OCD has gone into hyperactive mode, a fact which can be illustrated by the following exchange between myself and a scammer/potential love interest on FB:
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Recently, while downloading photos from my iPhone, I discovered another side-effect of my debilitating and time-consuming illness. I’m not sure of the medical terminology, but basically it consists of a subconscious compulsion to take screenshots of every image I find, regardless of subject matter/whether or not it was intentional.
While I complete the daunting task of cropping my lovers’ Facebook/email messages so that each one is exactly 320×600 pixels in size and not a pixel more so help me God, I thought I’d share are a few of these screenshots on the off chance that someone might find them useful.
*Please feel free to take whichever ones you feel will benefit your life in some obscure, illogical way. (No judgement.) ..
A screenshot taken while learning how to take a screenshot.
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While trying to figure out why my alarm wouldn’t stop going off.
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I think they ‘re trying to tell me that playing Bubble Pop for
hours on end isn’t productive.
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A screenshot I don’t remember taking of a photo I don’t
remember taking of a pic of people I don’t know
= Art
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My three most prized possessions:
1. Computer
2. Remote Control
3. Left Leg
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Pretty sure this dude was ogling me with his peripheral vision.
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My nephew, Ollie. He takes after his dad. (aka. Burt Reynolds)
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Lol Like father, like son!
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Inquiring minds want to know.
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This poem made me believe in shoulders.
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I have no idea why I took a screenshot of this.
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…Or this.
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Or why, three months later, it’s still my screensaver.
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Unlike my previous screensaver, which goes without saying.
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We’re related.
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Found while Googling possible reasons for blocked tear ducts.
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Speaking of blocked tear ducts…
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Er, I had a mouth infection and was looking for a dentist.
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Also, a rash.
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Okay kid, so would you or would you not date a
fan??? You’re giving me mixed signals…
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I call this my visual ego boost.
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Er, no reason.
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“In India, Everything’s A Vagina!”
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Vagina
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Vagina
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Vagina
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Stunned Vagina
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Pussy
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It’s even more hideous than I imagined.
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It also explains this.
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…and this.
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But not this.
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And definitely not this:
DUH! Everyone knows that we Canadians only wear toques on our heads.
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Worst”Best Answer” in the history of Yahoo.
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Whenever I’m suffering from humor-related insecurities, I find that Facebook really helps me keep things in perspective.
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.Same with Dane Cook’s Twitter feed.
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Fnally, just so you don’t think I completely lack depth, here’s a quote from Joel Osteen:
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Which I never would have taken had I not accidentally typed the name “Joel Osteen” while Googling the adult version of this kid:
No reason
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Just Making Convo 
I like that you don’t let a critically low battery stop you from taking pictures of old men on public transportation. It really shows you have some kind of quality I can’t pinpoint.
I believe the quality you’re thinking of is “intestinal fortitude”.
That, and a healthy dose of cellphone icon ignorance.
That picture of the nun hosing off some old dude is really getting me hot.
And thanks for all of that knoledge.
Please, perv on it all you want. I made 47 copies of the original screenshot. You know, just in case.
The next time I need to google images for a post, I’ll send you a text and an image of Regina. Sorry. Vagina.
Sounds good! I promise I won’t let you down.
*Fun fact: Geography wise, Saskatoon is considered the vagina of Saskatchewan. (I know because my parents are farmers.)
I’m so glad you ended this post on a positive note. Though I’m sure my dreams tonight will have at least one scene with Haley Joel saying something about seeing dead vaginas.
Not sure how I feel about that, though maybe the dream will end with that hilarious lady with the hot dog glasses. That cracks me up.
That’s usually how all my dreams play out.
…And my boss wonders why I always sleep in! LOLOLOL
In case you were worried, I had no nightmares with Haley Joel Osment. Or the lady with the wieners in her eyes. Whew!
I thought you were your own boss. That is, I assumed you were, uh, self-employed. That is, I can’t imagine someone actually being your boss, or you being “bossed” by someone. I TOTALLY can imagine you sleeping in. I also aspire to sleep in as often as possible. Perchance to dream. Lately I’m so exhausted that I don’t remember hardly any of my dreams. Or I’m having something that’s the opposite of lucid dreams. Whatevs. I shut up now.
You’re right. I was actually referring to myself in third person. I find that otherwise I tend to blur the lines between “Boss” and “Friend”. Also “Life Partner”.
I think I’ll shut up now too…
I think the acronym you are looking for is OCSSD (Obsessive Compulsive Screen-Shot Disorder). By the way, how did you get that photo of me and Kevin Mitnick (the people you claim to “not know?”). Was the orgy that unmemorable?
Ha! speaking of Kevin Mitnick, he wanted me to give you this: http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://realitypod.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Kevin-Mitnick.jpg&imgrefurl=http://realitypod.com/2011/12/top-10-hackers-who-got-caught/kevin-mitnick/&h=400&w=534&sz=17&tbnid=vjJTx3ImM06tnM:&tbnh=84&tbnw=112&zoom=1&usg=__Ybqk_m8m9mhN_254Uw-vyP_KBiE=&docid=lh-C_lteV0sZ9M&sa=X&ei=CZYoUrq-LeKaiQLb5IDQAg&ved=0CKABEP4dMBA
it’s strange and amazing how you attract all the freaks to yourself. but it makes easier for the rest of us.
i hope the freak supply for you never runs out. and i find the hundreds of vaginas you found in india.
I think it’s my nice hair. Or maybe it’s because they can sense that I have low standards.
Either way, it’s a win.
or maybe you just bring the freak out in people.
it’s still a win.
Before I got to the part about your screenshotting compulsion, I had taken one of Andrew Warren so I could blow it up to get a better look at him. I feel your pain, Bea.
(And, thanks for the lady with the hotdogs under her glasses. That’s a keeper!)
C’mon, he has nice eyes….er, doesn’t he? I was too busy trying to figure out what “almost a virgin” meant and whether or not I can pass myself off as one. (Do you think apathetic sex counts?)
I don’t know- there is the possibility that he accidentally left a word out, as in , “I almost [let your imagination run wild] a virgin male”….not to disappoint you, but he might not be your type, if you know what I mean.
Ha! Yeah, I totally know what you mean…
(You mean he sucks at proof-reading, right? Just want to make sure we’re on the same page.)
So I mean, just out of curiosity, what DO 1D smell like?
Heaven.
Er, I mean I can’t remember…
I don’t know a lot about parenting, but I don’t think kids should grab their moms’ boobs. However, if anyone has a hot mom out there who needs her boobs grabbed, I know just the guy.
I know just the guy too! Only because I dated him.
I’m puzzled about why you don’t prize your right leg. (My apologies in advance if you, in fact, have no right leg and I have now stirred up horrific past memories.)