Reason #76 Why You’re Still Single: Trust Issues

Research has shown that men who troll Facebook looking for dates/possible marriage use skepticism to compensate for their lack of penis size*.

*Based on studies I’ve personally done.

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Free Screenshots

So, for those of you hopeful romantics who’ve been waiting  anxiously for updates re: my personal life, I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is I’ve spent the last few weeks working on various blog posts based on my attempts at finding love. The bad news is that due to circumstances beyond my conscious control, I haven’t actually finished any of them.

Sadly, over the last few weeks my OCD has gone into hyperactive mode, a fact which can be illustrated by the following exchange between myself and a scammer/potential love interest on FB:

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Screen Shot 2013-09-04 at 11.37.33 AM copy copy.

Recently, while downloading photos from my iPhone, I discovered another side-effect of my debilitating and time-consuming illness.  I’m not sure of the medical terminology, but basically it consists of a subconscious compulsion to take  screenshots of every image I find, regardless of  subject matter/whether or not it was intentional.

While I complete the daunting task of cropping my lovers’ Facebook/email messages so that each one is exactly 320×600 pixels in size and not a pixel more so help me God, I thought I’d share are a few of these screenshots on the off chance that someone might find them useful.

*Please feel free to take whichever ones you feel will benefit your life in some obscure, illogical way. (No judgement.)
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IMG_1375 copy copy copyA screenshot taken while learning how to take a screenshot.

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IMG_1379While trying to figure out why my alarm wouldn’t stop going off.

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IMG_1603 copyI think they ‘re trying to tell me that playing Bubble Pop for
hours on end isn’t productive.

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IMG_9411 copyA screenshot I don’t remember taking of a photo I don’t
remember taking of a pic of people I don’t know
= Art

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IMG_0993 copyMy three most prized possessions:
1. Computer
2. Remote Control
3. Left Leg

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IMG_0992 copyPretty sure this dude was ogling me with his peripheral vision.

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IMG_1324 copy copyMy nephew, Ollie. He takes after his dad. (aka. Burt Reynolds)

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IMG_1323 copy Lol  Like father, like son!

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IMG_1132 copyInquiring minds want to know.

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IMG_0981 copyThis poem made me believe in shoulders.

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aaaI have no idea why I took a screenshot of this.

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IMG_1086 copy…Or this.

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IMG_1089Or why, three months later, it’s still my screensaver.

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IMG_1162 copy copy copyUnlike my previous screensaver, which goes without saying.

 

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connieWe’re related.

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IMG_0947 copy Found while Googling possible reasons for blocked tear ducts.

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IMG_0851Speaking of blocked tear ducts…

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IMG_0982 copy copy copyEr, I had a mouth infection and was looking for a dentist.

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IMG_1171 copy copy copyAlso,  a rash.

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IMG_1315 copyOkay kid, so would you or would you not date a
fan??? You’re giving me mixed signals…

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cougaredI call this my visual ego boost.

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IMG_1616 copyEr, no reason.

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IMG_1181 copy“In India, Everything’s A Vagina!”

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treevag copyVagina

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faaVagina

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guyvag copyVagina

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stunn copy copyStunned Vagina

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pussy copyPussy

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kimkjustin copyIt’s even more hideous than I imagined.

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kimgun copy It also explains  this.

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couplevag copy copy…and this.

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vagsoup copyBut not this.

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And definitely not this:

wqwq copyDUH!  Everyone knows that we Canadians only wear toques on our heads.

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taylor1 copyWorst”Best Answer” in the history of Yahoo.

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Whenever I’m suffering from humor-related insecurities, I find  that Facebook really helps me keep things in perspective.

santa

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fa copy.Same with Dane Cook’s Twitter feed.

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Fnally, just so you don’t think I completely lack depth, here’s  a quote from Joel Osteen:

IMG_1478 copy

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Which I never would have taken had I not accidentally typed the name “Joel Osteen” while Googling the adult version of this kid:

osmentNo reason

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