Woman. It’s What’s For Dinner.

To everyone who sent me an email asking if I’m alive (Mom, Auntie Doris, Guy from the Credit Card Collection Agency), the answer is yes. It’s just that I’ve been busy. Because summer is here and I don’t know how to use a lawnmower, I’ve decided to start dating again.

Since most of my relationships have been with guys who I met after they groped me at the bar, the idea of finding love online seemed hopeless. But once I figured out the equation for success, I was able to overcome my fears and now I find myself having to turn potential suitors away.

Equation for Online Dating Success:

Exaggerated Income + Lowered Standards = Dating Success

 

I’ll post some of my other online dating tips later, right now I’m preparing to entertain a guy I met on Cougared.com (see below). Not to sound cocky, but given his insatiable appetite for women and my woman-like qualities, I’m pretty sure this one’s in the bag.

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justwantsex

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