Because I watch Millionaire Matchmaker, I know how frustrating single people can be.

That is why this holiday season I’ve decided to give back by offering the following three gift ideas for those  friends/relatives/third wheels in your life.

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1. MAIL ORDER BRIDE

Everyone knows that the most practical gift you could give a single man is a foreign bride.

Provided he isn’t anal about trivial things like language barriers and/or identity fraud, you’ll find thousands of marriage-ready brides in the Russian Mail Order Bride Directory.

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Here are just a few of the brides who are desperately looking for love:

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If, for some strange reason, your single person can resist that jewelry, you might want to consider the asian bride directory, as explained below.

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For those of you who were lost after the first “asian,” there’s also a more American-friendly option.

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PLUS

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EQUALS

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2. PROOF THAT THERE ARE SINGLES OUT THERE WHO ARE WORSE OFF

During the holidays, few things offer as much comfort to a lonely single person as hearing the words,  “Look on the bright side. At least your chances of finding love are better than so-and-so’s.”

The following are just a few of the “so and so’s” you can find on the internet. (Feel free to wrap and place under the tree for that depressed single person in your life.)

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Sar1:

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GuyintoBigBoobs

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Billy

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Keith (aka. “Self-Doubting Pervert/JHL Fan”)

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Guy who messaged me immediately after I joined* Cougared.com
*solely for research purposes

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All Of Them, starting with “Muffin Eyes”

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Girl With Hair Clip On Nose-

I’m guessing she’s inflicting this pain upon her nose to distract from the pain she feels in her heart. That, or because she has nothing better to do.

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3. AniMATE

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Perhaps the most meaningful Christmas present you can give the lonely single in your life is that of companionship, in the form of a down-filled anime pillow.

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Slumber party pillow hugs. Because tickle fights are for girls.

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Not only are they great for boys slumber parties (did somebody say pillow fight? LOL), they also fulfill many other roles.

For example:

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I trust these options will help you make your single lonely person feel less single and lonely this Christmas. Oh, and if you’re interested in purchasing your own set of “Muffin Biniculars”, feel free to contact me for prices.

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