Cousin Todd’s Bookmobile

"Hi, I'm Todd. And this is my bookmobile."

Recently, my cousin Todd (through marriage) decided to quit his non-existent job and take over Auntie D’s Bookmobile.

While normally I’m not a big fan of guys named Todd (click here for a refresher), seeing as he’s family (through marriage), I decided to look past his name and showcase some of his favorite reads.

Here are just a few of the novel novels you’ll find in Whatshisname’s Bookmobile.

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Based on ten years of extensive research, “A Lifestyle Study of Bologna Users” is just that.

A lifestyle study of people who use bologna.

According to their results, bologna users are heterogeneous groups comprised of  the following:

-Soccer moms
-Lazy parents
-Gross people
-Old men
-Hermaphrodites
-Subservient women
These guys
-Librarians
-Engineers
-People with animal organ/sexual glands/other random parts fetishes
-Two And a Half Men fans
-Todds
-Maybe Scientologists
-Probably not the chick who was in Clueless
-Who cares
-This is stupid
-Oscar Meyer aficionados

So if you’re interested in cold cut-based scientific research and/or have no life, I strongly suggest you buy this book.

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J.X. Williams, Bestselling Author of “Oh, Honey! It’s Only Adultery”, and “Oh, Reverend! It’s Only Murder”, has done it again with his latest page-turner, ‘Oh, Daddy! It’s Only Incest’.

Since I haven’t read it myself, here is the summary as written on the back cover –

“Take one uptight Father, add one dangerously seductive daughter—and indulge in the sensual results! When Neil’s daughter Katey starts shamelessly flirting with him he’s intrigued–but too morally-inclined to do anything. But when Katey invites him to her bedroom for an after-casserole- dinner night cap,  he finally gives in to her sensual attack. Neil’s about to find out that mixing family and pleasure can be complicated. Especially when Mom walks in…”
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Er, I didn’t actually read this book.

But I’m guessing it has something to do with teaching your pets to wait their turn.

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I didn’t read this one, either.

Mostly because I’m not a big colorer.

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Part one of a 645-part series, “How Children Fail” is an excellent resource for every parent.

Whether it’s wetting the bed, telling really bad jokes, being dense, being chubby, having red hair, annoying their parents’ friends, asking their parents’ friends stupid questions that don’t even matter, or bugging their parents’ friends at a house party that was supposed to be for adults only, this book explains why you should have taken your Dad up on his offer to get you a tubal litigation for your eighteenth birthday.

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The latest in the Harlequin Asia series, this erotic novel tells the story of two struggling artists who discover that their piece de resistance lies within their own hearts. The following excerpt can be found in chapter three:

Heaven, he think. I talk about what to men with black eyes? As he melt inside, his clothes beat fast, much too tight.

“Your pants are no longer?” he should ask, instead a passionate kiss seduce the mouth. Unexpected joy in the loin, his manhood swelled to a range of Kina Hiroshi leopard. His pulse now speed up. If he could outrun a swarm of hungry Samurai? Only no.

“On the bear epidermis rug , take me,” he breathed, his groin adrift. The wet his panties and nostrils fill animalism,  manishly he submit his elephant penis size. Then, not expected, the smell of musk a roaring …

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*Thank-you for taking the time to peruse my Cousin Todd’s compelling classics. If you’re interested in purchasing any of these treasures, just send me a message and I’ll let Todd know.

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