A few of my favorite things…
February 15, 2010
.
.
Anatomically-Correct Toys
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.…
Anatomically-Correct Textiles
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
Anatomically-Correct Ogres
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
..
..
.
.
.
Public Displays of Affection
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
..
.
..
.
...
Even “Public-er” Displays of Affection
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
55 Comments
leave one →
I apologize for my lack of thought-provoking (?) commentary, these developing countries really need to work on their high-speed internet access…
Hasta muy pronto!
ok
Hey Corve,
I´m not exactly sure which part of the post you´re referring to when you say “ok”, but still, I appreciate you stopping by!
Thanks for visiting,
Bschooled:)
ok
Now, see, when you say it, I’m picking up what you’re putting down.
Don’t worry, your sense of humor is more than enough!!
I believe that’s a merkin i see!!
But where’s the nurse, those babies need to be cut loose!
oops, once again, I forgot to change my name.
Haha! Quit messing with me!
Regardless, whatever your name is, it´s good to see you. And you´re right, those babies do need to be cut loose. Imagine how awkward it´s going to be for the Mom once they start crawling!!!!
!!!
!
(…?)
Er, forget I said that…
Good to see you YnB/Jill/Yang
Bschooled!
I don’t know who wrote the copy for those pot holders but even without the his and hers genetalia they look neither cute not innocent. The ghastly yellow and horrific pattern are far more disturbing than the thatch of faux pubic hair and the oddly tapered penis.
I do hope you’re enjoying your trip.
Your friend,
Don
Don, I thought that was a cigarette sticking out.
My mistake….oddly tapered cigarette…
Don!
Being your embarrassingly younger and female-gendered doppelgänger, I just knew you were going to say that.
Which is why, as a souvenir, I bought you these potholders in a beautiful red and green Mayan pattern. Oh, and the oddly tapered cigarrette on yours is a little darker…and more “Latino-looking”.
(Um, not that I´d know personally or anything…I quit smoking a while ago).
Great to see you, Don. Let me know when you get that Skype account of yours set up so we can chew the fat online…
Your friend,
Bschooled:)
Fantastic.. just fantastic and the hand job poster! I need one of those for… someone.
Nice to see you!
Ha!
Well, don`t you worry, I´ll give your “someone” my hand job poster. Trust me, I won`t be using it anytime soon…(if ever).
Good to see you too, DF/Laura!:)
How awesome to see a b post!!
Those pot holders looked like they’ve been used (and maybe even abused) a few times too many!
Awww! Even Ogres deserve some lovin’ !
Hope everything is going well, b, and I’m glad to see that a slow internet connection can’t keep you down!
Thanks Talon!
Last week there was a black out here, and I was without power for an entire day. I spent the whole time in the fetal position on my bed, wondering how in the hell these people survive. Before coming here, I had no idea just how addicted I was to things like computers…and electricity…and flushing toilets(?).
Anyway, after making it through that, I wasn´t so worried about the slow internet access anymore.
Funny how that happens…:)
Good to see you, T. Hope things are going well!
Maybe Andrew the Hand Jobber could help the anatomically correct ogre
Haha!
Good point NM, however I think he´s getting enough help as it is.
Talk about lock jaw…
These are the holiday snaps?
Hey Dave!
No, these shots were taken just before I left.
I keep them in my backpack just so I don´t get too homesick…
May I recommend a small libation or two, eases all strains…
I`m way ahead of you there, Dave!
About three or four ahead, actually.
Go for it… mine’s a bitter beer, not lager piss…
Those anatomically correct dolls should be the first dolls every little girl and boy receive around the age of five on their birthday. She (or he) would take one look down their knickers, exclaim “ewwww!!!” as they fling the dolls across the room, and I GUARANTEE we would see a subsequent drop in teenage pregnancies. To make it even more effective, an abdominal squeeze mechanism in the female doll can be depressed to simulate childbirth screams and what the hell, throw in an episiotomy kit. The guys would get a toy paternity kit and a copy of The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act of 1992.
Elizabeth!
As always, your commentary is brilliant, and I couldn´t agree more.
(I mean, not that I´d want to “agree more” or anything, it`s just something I was always told to say whenever I was in concurrence with someone– What can I say, when it came to idioms, my parents were big into the classics.)
I think it´s safe to say that if parents (or Sex Ed Teachers, for that matter) were to give these disturbingly visual playthings out instead of those useless “androgynous pasteurized egg” babies, we´d have less kids abstaining from non-vegan food products and more abstaining from teenage sex.
(Well, I’m 95% sure that´s what would happen, anyway…)
Regardless, I´m just glad that I´m no longer a teen, nor will I ever be forced to endure an episiotomy (knock on wood!).
Good to see you Elizabeth,
Bschooled:)
Anatomically-Correct Toys- I love the fact that Tampon has incorporated little stuffed animals connected to those easy to lose strings for the toddler who reaches puberty a tad prematurely.
Textiles- Damn, I must be way behind the times in pubic hair trends. I wrongly assumed that the female was usually bald and the male had a neatly trimed ‘cock-stash.’ WTF? I really need to buy some new porn.
Ogres- Sadly, poor Shrek is hung like a frightened turtle. It does finally explain the green complexion though.
PDA’s- Hector knew to grab his ticket to American citizenship when it presented itself to him in form of pasty, lumpy, beast skin. “It IS true” he exclaimed, “big girls DO need lovin too!”
Public-er- Where in the hell are you again?
I hope you’re having a blast down there! Don’t forget that shipment…..
Ha! So much “Gold Ribbon” worthy commentary, so much time it takes for me to type in this “Electricity-Ignorant” Country.
I swear, over here they throw power outages around like they`re candy. “Lo siento, no tengo fresh fruit…but here, have a blackout!”
(Only they say it with a thicker accent…)
Thank you for the risa-inducing comment, Scott. And please tell me that you`re working on a business plan for the animal adorned tampons idea…(or should I say “Animapons”). Seriously, it has the potential to go all the way. An entire female demographic that hasn`t even been tapped into yet, if you will!
Ok, I`ll stop now…
Thank god Carol didn’t wear her friggin goggles!
Psst Someone should cut those umbilical cords before one of the anatomically-correct babies dies or suffers brain damage
Hey FL!
Well, since that photo looks like it was taken some time in the late 80`s, I think the brain damage has pretty much been caused already. The two babies are now in their early 20`s, sitting on the couch with their Mother (like they have a choice!), watching Sesame Street and fighting over who gets to hold the remote control…
In fact, come to think of it, that`s probably what Carol is doing now too. Only in braille.
?
Good to see you, FL:)
Wouldn’t pictures of actual naked people drive home your point. Never mind, funny (I know because I laughed) stuff B. I am impressed you were able to post these from a Women’s Prison in Guatemala.
Ha! If only I had pictures of actual naked people, FJ. Real, live naked people. Naked people who are just standing there, nakedly, being all…um, naked and shit.
Then maybe people would take me seriously. Or at least take my favorite things seriously. (Whichev…)
Thanks for the props, FJ. Oh, and you should know by now that I`d never let a few random body cavity searches keep me from my readers…I owe it to all three of them. (Even the slow one I like to call “Sister.”)
Well, you know what they say about Mexico: come for the water; stay for the groping.
Who hasn’t had an experience like that Down Under? By Down Under, I mean Mexico, which is the exact opposite of Canada. They speak a different language (Mexican, not French), worship different gods (Hecaxotl or something, not Trudeau) and molest women in public (at the local eatery, rather than in a secluded cabin).
Say what you will about the food and the crippling gastrointestinal pain, but there is no finer entertainment than a horny mariachi band casually grazing your breast or your thigh or your IUD. They have a saying there (millions of them, actually): “The bigger the hat…” The Mexicans do love a good ellipsis! Keeps ‘em out of trouble!
Excellente, b! Los photos que disturbia! Chingada! Nosotros tenemos mas tethered infants por la employees (y los bosses) de la local Sexateria! Un fucking good post!
Ahhh..truer words have never been spoken, CLT.
And if they have, well it`s safe to say that I just don`t want to know about it. Hell, I don`t even want to know what those words are, that were spoken truer than the ones you were speaking earlier.
Because personally, I`m a firm believer in the firm belief that ignorance is bliss. Firmly (and don`t forget believably) speaking, that is.
It`s kind of like when you didn`t realize that the bird you once had sitting in your hand, could`ve actually been traded for the two that were in the bush over there. You know, one of those “Even Steven” kind of trades.
Because what`s done is done, and it`s not like I can do anything about it now anyway, so why bother wallowing?
No use crying over spilled leche, I always say.
What`s my point, you ask? Well…um, why all the random questions? What are you, a policia? Or better yet, a Federale?
(Er, I should probably go…as you can tell by my comment, my Mother-Tongue is slowly starting to slip away, and I need to go find out if they have a drug here for that.)
Hahaha, those pics are hilarious!! XD
Nice to see you, Brogan!
b:)
So B! You’ll love this! I’m sitting next to my seven-yr. old daughter with the laptop thinking – Hey! – I’ll tap a few keys and see if B posted anything.
And of course the dolls pop up, just as my daughter looks over and says “Dad . . . what is . . .”
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I never hit a back arrow so fast in my life. If there’s ever an Olympic event for hitting the back arrow, I’m the big gold medal winner!
I told her it was just crazy little dolls, and – Hey! – what’s that crazy SpongBob up to now!
Eyes on the telly, kid!
So now I got to check it out all alone, and laugh like crazy. Great post . . . lucky Shrek!
Haha!
Well, maybe it`s a good thing, Dan. It`s never too early to teach kids about the birds and the bees. Even if the bees do happen to look more like embryos with limbs and are dangling awkardly from the birds privates.
“That´s how I learned about the female reproductive system, and look at me now!”
(?)
Anyway, I should probably go…um, do something.
Good to see you, Dan!
I’m not sure who Andrew is- but his marketing has inspired me, I’m actually going to contact our marketing department and see if I can get this put on the back of my business card immediately. Imagine the new wave of customers ..
HA! Your attention to detail is second-to-none, Jane.
And I agree, it would be a great way to increase customer awareness. However, because you could get sued if you steal Andrew´s marketing idea, maybe instead of putting it on the back of your business cards, you could just advertise your services via word of mouth…or palm (whichever route you decide to take).
Think about it; If you get one satisfied customer (or should I say one customer satisfied), there`s a good chance that he`ll tell two friends, and then they`ll tell two friends, and so on, and so on….hell, before you know it, you`ll be able to afford carpal tunnel surgery!
Thanks for the comment, Jane. If it wasn`t for you, I would still be calling Andrew “Hand Job Doing Guy”.
Bschooled:)
Think I might be speechless on this one…..but the handjob poster …doesnt the pic look like the guy that was in couples retreat , the same one that directed zathura…..hmmmmm zman sends
Hey Zman!
Seeing as I never saw either one I had to Google him…and yes, I think you’re right, he does look a lot like Jon Favreau. Good eye!
Nice to see you as always, Z,
B:)
I find it quite disturbing that those dolls have faces and muscle tone akin four-year-olds and nether regions like the amazon. If they were truly anatomically correct, little Timmy might have some 5:00 shadow on a weather-worn face and little Cindy would have two different sized breasts and cottage-cheesy thunder-thighs from all the ice-cream she devoured, telling herself she was eating for three.
Ha!
“Nether regions like the amazon…”
Reminds me of the days I worked at a fitne…well, nevermind.
Regardless, you are absolutely correct, GP. But keep in mind that in order to potentially turn a profit, the manufacturers, in accordance with the actual definition of the term ‘Business’ (the selling of goods or services for a profit as a means of producing livelihood) need to make sure that the dolls are as aesthetically-pleasing as possible.
Er, at least from the nether regions up.
Tried to get the wife to do the ogre trick with a Ronald McDonald statue sitting on a bench. Some reason she refused.
She refused? Why? I did it, and nobody even asked me too.
But then again, that was probably because I was by myself at the time.
Good to see you, BM.:)
LOSTL!
Those dolls are rude! Mum says that i wasnt allowed to play with Barbies or GI Joes because i would see them naked and that i should never play with something thats naked. But i didnt understand why she gave me a donald duck doll as he wears no pants!
I think that lady is trying to tie up the ogres belt. I once had an ex lady friend do that for a man i used to know. His belt came undone and his pants fell to the ground, so she was helping him pull them back up!
HOORAY FOR B! I MISSED YOU!
Bob
BOB!
I can hardly believe my eyes. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Bob. In fact, believe it or not, it was only recently that I started making red-headed stepchild jokes again. For the longest time it just didn’t feel right, you know? What with you being MIA and all.
And just so you know, your mom was right not to let you play with those genderless toys. But sadly, your ex lady friend wasn’t. Because it’s women like her who give all of us “non pant-puller uppers” a bad name.
I hope this means you’re back to blobbing, Bob. I miss living vicariously through you.
LOSTL!!
(But seriously…)
b:)
Whats a red headed stepchild joke? I dont get it!
oh B, you’re such a mysterious and wonderful woman.
As for Mum’s decision on genderless toys, shes always right! Oh that mum! And that ex lady friend i no longer talk to as she wasnt a very good friend in the end.
Not like you, B! You’re GREAT!
HOORAY!
Bob
Don’t worry, Bob, the red-headed stepchild comment isn’t so much a joke as it is a quandary. (I just don’t like using the “q” word word unless I have to.)
You’re great too, Bob. And if anyone ever says differently, you can tell them to talk to me. Or just email me (I’m pretty busy lately, so I’m not really around all that much).
OMG! girl, you have go tthe strangest personality according to your posts. i just had to laugh when i saw that firsthilarious pic… you must scour the interweb for hours to find just the perfect material to crack us all up!
Hey Lynn!
I wish I could say I scour the interweb for hours (well, actually I don’t wish I could say that because then it would sound like I have no life).
Somehow these pictures all find their way to me…I think it’s a karma thing.
It’s good to see you, Lynn!
b:)
heh. how ive missed the absurdity of your blog, missy.
Bobby keeps telling me to write on it, but being the lazy prick that i am, never get a chance to do it.
On the other hand, i should make the point more often that i certainly hope that YOU are anatomically correct? why such concern? because you’re canadian. I dig the canucks.
So madam, celebrate your anatomy, because down under, im celebrating mine! ;D
-Rick
Shuttupjerk! I can’t believe my luck. First Bob comes back, then you stop by…it’s like Christmas!
I grew up very poor, so unfortunately that was what my Christmas was like. No presents, just men from my past (or should I say my Mom’s past), showing up out of the blue.
I know it sounds a little random, but really, it’s all I knew.
And with regards to my anatomical-correctness, I haven’t had any complaints yet, but then again, the night is still young!
Ha!
(?)
Anyway, I’m glad you dig the canucks, Rick. Because we canucks dig anyone who digs us. We don’t discriminate. (I know it sounds a little random, but really, it’s all we know.
Er, I should probably go do something that doesn’t require any contact with the outside world right now.)
It’s really good to see you again, Mr. Erk.
b:)
Darlin, you’re crazier than a hatter at a tea party.. ew.
Im always around, Bob isnt. Hes not a huge fan of the computer, prefers his Ham Radios more than anything else.
And christmas with random men isnt such a bad thing. As long as you’re happy and it doesnt tire you out. Tires me out to no end.
-Rick