*For previous games, click here  and here.

I call this game, “One Direction Rejection.”

Objective: After 36 hours of no sleep, decide that your new goal in life is to be awarded the title of “Oldest Directioner Ever.”
1) “Like” the 50,000+ Facebook pages dedicated to One Direction.
2) Impress other Directioners with your extensive knowledge and undying passion for the band.
3) When they realize you’re neither knowledgeable nor passionate, prepare to be completely ignored.


One Direction Rejection

























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  1. July 18, 2012

    I wish I had your dedication to mockery. I just lack the appropriate commitment to baiting the unaware, but you have raised this to an art form. There should be some kind of prize for this – like a Booker prize, but for mockery. I will forever love the directions to pray for a miracle in case of onset of Bieber Fever.

    • July 19, 2012

      Because I am a compassionate person who also hates being around sick tweens, I seriously considered having my “Bieber Fever Miracle Praying Directions” patented. But then I logged into Facebook and found out that Bieber Fever is actually a good thing?

      Which leads me to believe that the symptoms of this debilitating imaginary condition also include paranoid delusions.

  2. July 18, 2012

    Wait. There is a person out there with that hair? I mean, on purpose?

    PS Make me one!

    • July 22, 2012

      Harry, to his future children: “When I was your age, I had to walk uphill and sideways, IN THE WIND, to school both ways!”

      I will make you one asap. I just need to figure out how to make “Nikki B” rhyme with “Soap on a rope”…

  3. July 18, 2012

    It’s really too bad that those idiots are too dumb to understand your comments. But then again, they wouldn’t be posting on there so you could mock them… Ah well.

    • July 22, 2012

      To be fair, I was probably just as much of an idiot when I was their age. I remember when INXS was popular, my friend announced during their concert that she was going to sacrifice herself to Michael Hutchence. We all that it was a good idea, but decided it would be best if she waited until the intermission. Only because we thought he might get pissed if we were to fling her lifeless body on stage in the middle of his set.

      Er, in my defense, we didn’t have the internet back then…

  4. July 18, 2012

    I haven’t been the same since Kevin died, either. I have a Niall phobia because of it.

    • July 22, 2012

      I have a Niall phobia, too! But for different reasons. One being his thick accent, the other his inability to recognize that while calling your oblivious fans “c*nts” in public might seem romantic to them, it probably isn’t good for publicity.

      • July 23, 2012

        Well, clearly the One Direction he’s going in is to hell for his filth mouth. (Please read that comment in the voice of Norman Bates’ mom).

  5. Rich Crete #
    July 18, 2012

    Looking forward to the soon to released songs:
    Oh, Kevin!
    Kevin Roasting On An Open Fire
    Eat My BBs
    I Shot The Kevin
    If You Love Someone, Eat Them
    Finger Lickin’ Good
    Tweet This!

    • July 22, 2012

      Ha! Or, their more reflective, less visually disturbing image-triggering songs:

      Stairway to Kevin
      Knockin’ on Kevin’s (Bird House) Door
      Kevin’s On Fire
      Kevin Only Knows
      This Ain’t No Ordinary Dove
      What’s (a) Dove Got To Do With It?
      Losing My Rad Pigeon(?)

      Er, in hindsight, I probably should have stopped at Kevin…

  6. Amy #
    July 19, 2012

    I had to google wtf One Direction was. Thanks for making me feel OLD!

    • July 22, 2012

      If it makes you feel better, I now know all there is to know about them. Everything from Niall Horan having only one kidney, to the fact that Louis and his girlfriend are, quote, “As serious as you can get”.

      I liked myself better when I felt old.

  7. July 19, 2012

    I am sorry but the worst thing you could possibly name your kid is Annalie because I read it as Analy.

  8. July 19, 2012

    My favorite was the bartering of likes for his body parts. Classic.

    • July 25, 2012

      I never did hear back on that one. Maybe I should have offered a few pokes as well? It’s not like I acknowledge them anyway….

  9. July 20, 2012

    Why do Directioners use hashtags on Facebook? #idontgetit

  10. July 21, 2012

    Your insomnia provides us with unending amusement and hilarity. Stay awake and keep it up.
    Perhaps you can write a book of tween afflictions – Bieber Fever, One Direction Infection, etc.

  11. elizabeth3hersh #
    July 22, 2012

    I suggest a hook-up between 4-nip man and the 3-breasted woman seen here:

  12. July 26, 2012

    I literally spit water out of my nose at: “IkNoW WhAt MaKeS yOu BeAuTiFul”


    • April 9, 2013

      I read your pstonig and was jealous

      • April 14, 2013

        Can’t say I blame you. Not to brag, but when it comes to writing pstonigs, I have a gift.

  13. July 26, 2012

    that fella only appears to have 2 nipples.

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